TWILIGHT: The Waiting Game
by Zosie
Summary: Twilight Category. All good things come to he who waits. From the day Edward and Bella met, they knew something was meant to happen between them, they had no idea how hard they would have to fight for their happy ever after. MATURE language sexual content
1. Chapter 1

**Fanfic is definitely having problems, I was not being informed people were reviewing The Striped Pajamas, I thought I had six readers, so I am just gonna write this story and see what happens. If nobody's reading then I guess I wont know, LOL. If I ignored your reviews to my other stories, I may not have been told you left one. Sorry! Blame **

The Waiting Game

Chapter 1

Bella's Journey

Sometimes it seemed they had spent their whole lives waiting. For Bella, it started the first day she began at Forks High and walked unnoticed into the schoolyard. She had a few friends, but they were as invisible as she was, all quiet, plain, girls waiting to get rid of the metal bands that were reshaping their teeth, waiting for the frizzy hair to calm down, waiting for their breasts to react to their teenage hormones and grow, waiting for the spots on their faces to go away and leave them as clean faced as the beautiful girls, like Rosalie Hale. Not that these girls would ever be in her group, they were The Ordinaries, she was the leader of The Extraordinaries.

All her hanger-on's were beautiful, with stunning figures and expensive outfits and had their hair dyed to the color they preferred, and their imported luxury cars took up the spaces nearest the entrance. They waited for nothing, if their breasts didn't get the necessary instructions from their bodies, they appeared overnight thanks to the skills of Mommy's favorite plastic surgeon. Same with their slightly too large noses or too receding chins, or don't mention the bat ears, they were fixed in toddlerhood. All those unfortunate faults were all fixed on their last birthday and the ones preceding, and now these girls ruled the schoolyard and had the pick of the best boys Forks had to offer.

Edward Cullen was the best of the best and they all knew it.

Rosalie Hale was openly confident he would be hers and she never wasted a moment before appearing at his side, flashing those expensive breasts, Mommy would want her to get a return for her investment. She laughed and giggled at every word that left his lips and she would grab his hand and rub his knuckles when he did speak to her, which was not often.

The Ordinaries sat across the far side of the canteen, watching, observing, wishing.

They knew they would never be welcome to cross the invisible line dividing them from the pretty people. Their parents or most likely, remaining parent, would never have the cash to do more than straighten teeth.

They had to learn to accept and live with the rest of their faults.

"He's beautiful," Jessica Stanley sighed. It was like a beggar in the street noticing the king as he passed by, oblivious the beggar even existed.

"If only..." Lauren said, and they all nodded in agreement. If only indeed.

Bella looked up from her book and shook her head.

"Pretty face doesn't mean pretty soul. He could be a douche for all we know, and let's face it, we will never know. We will never be gifted with a single word from his gorgeous lips."

She blushed as she realised what she had revealed with that stupid word spoken without her permission.

Crossly she threw her book into her bag and stood up, facing the girls.

"Come on, this is like being homeless and starving and looking into a restaurant from the outside. We will never get a bite to eat so let's sit in the library and pretend these people don't exist. We don't exist to them, so why torture ourselves watching? We will never get even their doggie bags."

Jess and Lauren were unsure, looking was better than nothing, surely.

Bella marched away and the girls eyes slid from her retreating back to the feast of optic delight that was Edward.

Oh, here comes the second most wanted boy in school.

Jasper Whitlock was only a pinch less attractive than Edward, his eyes were ice blue to Edward's emerald green, his hair was, well, it was blond as a child but now it was glossy black, straight, falling over one eye. He was upper class goth or emo, but his face was always lit up with a smile, so those labels didn't fit.

He was Jasper, that was all you needed to know.

The girls sighed and held one another's hands in support. In their next life, they would be the Rosalie Hale of their schools, they had to believe that.

Emmett McCarty finished the group of Most Desirables. He was built like Arnold, and he had the cheekiest grin, complete with dimples, and a full head of black curls that complemented Jasper's hair and contrasted nicely with Edward's golden locks with streaks of copper.

Edward's hair was natural, there was not a hairdresser in the state let alone this backwater who could artificially create that mess of beauty.

He ran his long fingers through it regularly as he laughed and joked with his boys, or when they went behind the library building to smoke in peace. Oh to be that trashcan he upended and sat on at those times, Jess thought.

X~x~X

"Hey Bella, surprise," Charlie said, as his daughter walked inside after driving home in her rusty red truck from another day at school.

"Hi Bella, I hope you don't see my moving in as an invasion but it's time your Dad had a new woman in the house and freed you from your chores that his wife should be doing."

Sue Clearwater.

She was nice enough and Charlie had been alone a while now. Her real mother had told her men do not willingly go without sex so she should be prepared for a new occupant in the left hand side of her fathers bed once Renee had deserted it.

And it was true, Bella did have all the household tasks fall on her lap from the day Renee "Don't Call Me Mom" had left. She never wanted anyone to know she was in fact old enough to have a fifteen year old daughter, especially annoying for her was the fact the child had been conceived right here in Forks so she couldn't even pretend to have been a fifteen year old new mother.

She met Phil on a trip she had taken alone to 'discover herself' in Phoenix, who'd have thought that was where the real Renee lived, and he had no idea her 'little baby girl' she had left behind with her husband who 'refused to part with his daughter' was in fact, fifteen.

The only photos missing from the Swan house were those of Bella as an infant and she wondered if she should talk baby talk when her mother rang, infrequently as it was, in case Phil could overhear.

She almost had the urge to say "Momma, Momma, Momma," like any good baby at those times.

So, change was happening, and Bella went with the flow and let her new 'Mom' take over the house while she waited to blossom from cygnet to Swan.

xxx

Edward Cullen was waiting himself. He knew she thought he didn't know she existed but even with the braces and clumsy braids, he saw the underlying beauty that was waiting to have it's chance to blossom and grow. Bella Swan would eclipse Rosalie Hale one day and he wanted to be there when that happened.

At sixteen, it was more than he could force himself to do, to walk across that line and speak to her. His friends would think him too uncool, and he grasped onto his coolness with gratitude. With his almost red hair and strange eyes, and standing at a mere five foot three inches, he had been prepared to be rejected and sit over there on the banishment side. Then suddenly he had grown over a foot in height seemingly overnight, his few spots had gone, the promise of real whiskers had appeared on his sharp jawline, and he was cool. Just like that. Just in time for High School.

He had known Emmett and Jasper all their lives and the three had been inseparable but over the break before High School began, they had all worried that only one or even two would be amongst the cool team and then what? Did they all reject the invitation and stay with the reject? Did they join and try to persuade the other cool kids to make an exception and let him, whoever he was, in?

Jasper had taken a proactive approach, formed a garage band, learned to play guitar, dyed his dirty blond locks jet black, and grinned at the new Jasper smiling back in the mirror. His blue eyes had always been beautiful and his best feature, now against the black, they shone and gleamed. He guilted his absent father for money and updated his entire wardrobe. Plenty of black, and the jeans were all tight and hugged his slender ass to perfection. He had shopped wisely, at only the best shops for the best cut brands and was happy with his choices.

Vintage band T shirts were always acceptable, even if you had no idea who the band was, and his step dad to be had a drawer full, well, not so full now. So lucky he was the same size. As long as the band had been popular and cool, the shirts were worthy.

The black leather jacket had cleaned him out and he had to hint to his mother's latest beau about how much more he could like the guy if only he himself was shod in similar black leather boots and the dick had been so keen on Mommy Dearest, Jasper now had two pairs of black motorcycle boots and then, fuck me, if the man hadn't gone for broke, and sprung for a Harley. It wasn't quite new, but new enough.

Jasper gave his full consent to the man's plea he agree to his mother's second marriage and Jasper agreed without a second thought.

A fucking Harley!

He blessed the day his mother decided he was too immature to start school at five, that now it meant he was one of the few sixteen year olds in Freshman year thus could ride it already.

Edward was in the same boat and had a shiny new Volvo compliments of his parents, Emmett was yet to turn sixteen but somehow he had a very real looking license and a large jeep to match. Nobody looking at him would think he was fifteen anyway, most people assumed he was almost twenty due to his muscular build.

Of course, once he opened his mouth a spewed out toilet jokes and schoolboy humor, the illusion was shattered.

Bella Swan got away with being a fifteen year old driver because her father was the Chief of Police. Who was going to give her a ticket? Nobody who valued their job under the Boss himself. She knew she was lucky and stuck to the road rules as if her life depended on them.

Today the truck had been acting up kinda funny and she knew nothing about what went on beneath the hood so she wondered why she was even bothering to look. Everything looked, well, black and greasy and dirty.

There were leads and lids that looked like they unscrewed and she was debating the wisdom of unscrewing something in case a genie popped out and explained the working mechanisms of a truck, when she felt another body behind hers.

A larger and definitely masculine type body.

"What's the prob, Bella-rina?" asked Emmett McCarty.

"Um, I have no idea. The Beast is kind of shaking when I turn around bends, and making this weird noise. Do you think it's serious?" she asked, amazing herself at even being able to reply.

"Hey Rosie, come take a look at this," Emmett called to the girl standing ten foot away, looking at him as though he had stepped in something particularly smelly.

She walked over slowly.

"Do you know when Edward is arriving?" she asked.

"When he gets his make up done right," Emmett replied, and pulled her roughly closer so she could see under the ancient hood.

"That's glaringly obvious, the oil is almost depleted," she said, whipping the dipstick in and out of something, somewhere.

"Not just a pretty face," Emmett told Bella, and smiled adoringly at Rose, who was busy scanning the parking space Edward used.

The shiny Volvo roared into place seconds later, as Bella was trying to unclip the hood and close it.

"Let me do that for you, Miss Swan, " Emmett offered and dropped the tin lid noisily and checked it had clicked shut.

Bella blushed, and turned away, thanking him quietly but wanting to be gone before the boy who dominated her dreams joined them. Emmett caught her arm.

"Don't run away, I wanted to ask you about the English assignment. What the fuck are we meant to write our essay about? All this 'real, true, natural, go with your feelings' bull shit is confusing me. What does she want us to write?"

Bella bit her bottom lip. She could hardly walk away after he had helped her, and gotten Rosalie Hale to even glance at her heap of rubbish vehicle.

"She wants you to read Romeo and Juliet and explain why they did what they did. What made the love they shared so much more than his feelings for Rosaline? He just forgot about her when he met Juliet and he would never have died for her, yet for Juliet, he did that very thing."

"Oh. So, what's the answer?" he asked.

"Emmett, she wants your interpretation, she will have mine, I dare say a week before she has yours in fact."

"Could you help me? Give me a few ideas? I have no frikkin idea what she is on about."

"I suppose if you come into the library at lunchtime, I could help you," Bella replied unsurely.

"Oh, the library," Emmett replied.

"It's the large brick building we smoke behind, it has doors and when you go inside it's filled with books," Edward informed him. "Books are those things with pages inside. The things we are told to read and you use them instead to prop up your desk with the broken leg."

"Gotcha," Emmett said with a grin, doing some secret handshake type hand slapping routine with his best friend. They both laughed.

"So, Edward," purred Rose, "Are we having lunch together? I could bring you over some pizza and we could.."

"Nah, it's good. I need a bit of help with the essay myself, I think I will go to the library with Em, make sure he can find the way."

Rose narrowed her eyes dangerously and started at Bella Swan. What the fuck! As if Edward needed help with any subject, he was the brightest and best student Forks High had ever seen. He was not going to the library to study or work, therefore he was going for the view.

Rose looked Bella over and had to admit, if someone gave the girl a makeover, she could even border on almost pretty.

She was torn, reject the girl and rubbish her to the boys and maybe get their backs up? Or take the girl under her wing, pretty her up, and make sure she chased someone else, any one else apart from Edward. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Bella could have Emmett, he was probably quite a catch, especially to a sad sack like Swan.

The boys walked away, laughing amongst themselves, hitting out and kicking one another's legs as they walked.

God, she could not wait for them to grow up. Could be a long wait if what her mother said about men was right.

She turned back to the blushing girl beside her.

"So, Bella, is it? Would you like to come to the girl's bathroom and I could show you the best way to make yourself up?"

Bella looked a cross between horrified and stunned.

"S,s,sure," she stuttered and followed Rosalie Hale, THE Rosalie Hale , in a trance.

X~x~X

Rose stood back and wondered if she had made a huge error. Bella looked...hot. With those stupid plaits gone, and her hair brushed out, flowing down her shoulders to her waist, and her eyes subtly shadowed in soft blue/grey, and just a touch of lip gloss, she already looked like a contender to join The Extraordinaries. The mascara and eyeliner gave her an edge she had been lacking. Her eyes were beautiful but now you noticed them immediately.

Wait until the braces went, and she was game to smile. And her figure was enviable to most girls who weren't Rose Hale because nobody had a more perfect body than that.

She was slender, but her breasts and hips were there, unlike most of the tiny slimmer girls. Her backside was neat and feminine, not boyish. It disturbed Rose, girls going with the half starved look were no threat, she knew what men liked and it wasn't skin and bones.

They liked something to grab onto, something to bury their faces in on one's chest. Men liked bums and tits, and this girl had both.

"How long until the metal mouth goes?" Rose asked. For both a heads up and to remind the girl she was but a pale imitation of herself, no, that was laughable.

"Today I hope. It's been three years. The orthodontist said two years then extended, so today I find out if it was worth the extra humiliation."

"Good luck with that," said Rose, packing her make up bag away.

"Come on, let's go find the boys and see what Emmett thinks. He is a nice guy, really, just a bonehead lacking any sense or grace as yet. He will improve."

That's it, Hale, make her look to Emmett for a way to be accepted over on their side of the room.

Edward and Emmett were perched in their usual places, inhaling and attempting to blow smoke rings and rubbishing one another when they failed. Jasper was king, he could make a heart shaped smoke ring even. He had been smoking since he was twelve, so no wonder.

"Huh, Cullen, you pussy, there's nothing to it," Jasper was saying as the girls turned the corner. "Holy Fuck, is that our little Swan?"

Emmett turned and grinned, lifting Bella high in the air as she blushed madly and flapped her hands ineffectively at him.

Edward stood back against the wall, his eyes fixed on her face.

Rose slid her own hand into his, and hoped she had not just made a really big error in judgement.

Edward glanced down at their joined hands. "She looks okay, Rose. I think Emm likes her," he said, and Rose let out the breath she had been holding in.

X~x~X


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to Bunch for telling me how to UPLOAD this. (See my profile if you are having trouble uploading your stories)...If you are reading, please review so we can see how many people found the story, seeing it could not be loaded under Twilight.**

**If I am not on your author alert, please say how you found this story in your review. I haven't even been notified I have a new story up yet or that anyone's reviewed. I can however, finally see the reviews for The Striped Pajama's at fanfic. Cheers,Lynzi..Vic..I am still going to read and as if Edward could stay away! LOL!**

**This probably won't be updated daily.**

The Waiting Game

Chapter 2

First Kiss

By lunchtime, Bella had expected to be a mass of quivering jelly but to her surprise, her legs still felt solid and worked just fine.

"So, will I save you a place at our table?" Jess asked. Like that was even necessary, nobody else tried to push in and join The Ordinaries. It would be her and Lauren alone.

"I have some stuff to do, in the library," Bella said. She didn't elaborate for two reasons. Firstly the guys might be setting her up, and not turn up at all, maybe they'd watch from the window and laugh at her deluding herself they would be seen sitting with her. Secondly, she didn't want Jess and Lauren there, staring at Edward and giggling inanely at his every word. He got enough of that from Rosalie.

She selected a table in clear view of the door so they could not claim to have been unable to find her, and set out her books and notes and got down to perfecting her own essay,which had been long written and revised. She had no need to read the book, her own copy at home was tattered and dog eared from repeated readings.

The boys announced their arrival by walking in laughing and were cautioned by the librarian.

Both tip toed comically to her table and sat down. Bella had sat in the middle chair of the three along the side of the table and she almost hyperventilated when Emmett sat on one side of her and Edward the other. There were three empty chairs facing them and two others at either end of the table.

It didn't mean anything, they just needed to be close enough to read her notes.

Bella tried to halt the blushing and watched Emmett pick up her book and flick through it.

"So, what's the basic story and is it on DVD?" he asked.

"You really should read the book, the DVD isn't exactly the same. And the modern uptake is definitely a no-no. We don't want you mentioning guns and fast cars."

"Guns and fast cars, that's cool. I will watch the DVD," he answered.

Edward shook his head at Bella and smiled. She smiled back uncertainly. This was kind of weird. Edward Cullen. Here. Beside her. She shook herself out of the daze.

"I guess I could read it to you and explain," she offered to Emmett. Edward laughed quietly, mindful of where they were.

"No, Belly-Bean, I shall watch the DVD, if only I had some tasty chick to make sure I didn't fall asleep during it," he sighed and looked towards the door. "Where's Rose? I thought you two were joined at the hip," he asked Edward.

Edward scowled and tapped on the table with his pen.

"We are friends, Emmett. You know, those people who hang with you that you don't fuck, like me and Jasper. The fact she is a girl is irrelevant, she is my friend. Nothing more."

His eyes were on Bella for the whole explanation and she felt herself redden.

"So, you don't fuck her? What a waste. Have you turned gay?" Emmett replied. "I knew it."

Bella bristled.

"Boys can be friends with girls and not indulge in sex, Emmett."

"Then the point of hanging with them is...?"

Bella closed her book and stood up, packing her bag and walking away.

"Touchy little Petal," Emmett said. "Come with me to the video store after school?"

"Nuh, I have a family thing," Edward replied, watching Bella Swan leave.

X~x~X

Bella looked self consciously at her reflection. Much as she hated those braces on her teeth, they had been part of her for so long, it was weird now they were gone. She would have to wear a clear plastic Invisalign plate at night until her body stopped growing but nobody would know, it was not like she entertained anyone in her bedroom.

Naked teeth, how amazing. Her tongue refused to leave those bare teeth alone and licked over them, at the back, constantly unless she concentrated really hard and stopped it.

Her mouth just felt different.

Her teeth looked awesome, so straight, so pretty. She had pretty teeth. Such a change from what Mother Nature had decided was her cross to bear from the day her second teeth emerged. Crooked, gappy, either too close to each neighbor or, at the front, way too far apart. She could fit a coin between her two front teeth and have room to spare. Not that she made a habit of putting a coin there. Just to measure the gap. Twice.

Now her teeth looked like the teeth of a movie star she told herself, flashing a smile at every reflective surface she walked past. It was unusual for her, normally she avoided her reflection but today had been a day of change.

First Emmett had spoken to her and opened the doorway for the others to speak as well , then Rosalie Hale for God's sake had done her make up. And given her a list of beauty products to buy. She was choosing them right now, recalling every hint Rose had bestowed upon her.

Not too dark when it came to eyeshadow, subtle greys, blues, no pinks. Spend as much as you can afford on a volumising mascara, it will be her best friend.

She wondered what Jess would think of being replaced by a brush and tube of blackener. Not that they were actually close. They were just the same, that's all. Two girls next door.

An eye lining pencil, always stick to the tried and true. Lip gloss, keep to your own natural lip color, you just want it made shiny and Rose had even said she had lovely lips. From Jess, it would have been an empty compliment, the girls were always trying to boost one another's fragile egos, but from Rose!

Bella took her bounty to the counter and counted out her limited funds to pay.

"Have a nice day," deadpanned the girl behind the counter. She was clearly waiting for that clock to hit the magic time her 'nice day' was finished.

"Hmm, thank you, I have had a very nice day in fact," Bella replied.

X~x~x~X

The next morning the playground was buzzing. Alice was back! Bella had hardly gotten a dozen steps from her truck when she heard the word.

She and Alice had been friends from when they were small and even though she was Edward Cullen's twin sister, that had never been a ticket to get to know him. He had always hidden upstairs in his bedroom or music room, playing his piano, if not out in the forest where the girls were banned from going alone. As a result, Bella knew Alice well and knew Edward not at all.

She had seen the family portraits throughout the Cullen house and had occasionally even caught glimpses of the boy disappearing upstairs or swimming in their pool with Emm and Jasper, but she had never ventured outside when the boys were there.

Alice had become ill when going through puberty and had been whisked away by her father to some hospital, so the rumors went.

There had been something happen that nobody but her family knew about, so of course, the gossip was rife.

She was pregnant (at a prepubescent age!), she had suffered a mental breakdown, she was crazy as a loon. Bella had not been bothered by the talk, she had just wanted to know her friend was all right and the few words Edward had spoken to her ever had been to tell her to go home and leave them alone when she went to the Cullen house to ask about his sister.

Bella had sadly given up and now, two years later, Alice was back!

Bella hurried into the undercover area and looked about. A small, huddled figure sat with Edward and Emmett, and Bella ignored them and rushed to Alice's side, pulling her into a hug.

"I missed you so much!" Bella exclaimed, and Alice smiled.

For the first time since she came home, Edward thought resentfully.

"Are you back for good? Are we in any of the same classes ?" Bella persisted and Edward relaxed. Unlike the other girls who had looked at his sister with fear and distrust, and pointedly ignored her as they walked by, Bella Swan was embracing Alice and glad she was home.

He had to like that.

"I don't know, I have to go to the office to get my schedule," Alice replied, looking at Edward for permission to leave his side. He had clearly appointed himself the job as her body guard.

"Look after her, Bella," he growled softly.

"Of course, come on Alice. This is fantastic, best day of my life!" the girl exclaimed as she led her bestie away.

Edward smiled after them and caught sight of Rose's face as she approached. She immediately changed her face from scornful to soft.

"Was that Alice?" she asked, laying her bag on the bench and sitting beside Edward.

"It was," he answered.

"So, they let her out at last?" Rose replied.

"Rose, she was a voluntary patient, she could have left any time by asking Carlisle to sign her out. She chose to stay and get better. She trusted our father's judgement that that place was where she needed to be for now. And yes, she is better."

Rose shrugged and pulled out her compact to check her make up.

"So, Jane's party next month. What do you want me to wear?"

Edward frowned.

"I haven't d said I am going yet. And if I go, it will be alone, not with you. Don't presume too much, Rose."

"But you are my boyfriend," Rose replied, shocked.

"Nobody has ever been my girlfriend, because I have never asked anyone to be my girlfriend. Including you," he said, moving along the bench to widen the distance between them.

"I thought Tanya was your first girlfriend? Are you still into her then?"

"Tanya is a friend, Rose. Sometimes things happen between friends. She was never my girlfriend. I was never 'into' her much. She is a friend of the family, I have known her forever, it just seemed right for us to cash one another's v cards. She isn't sitting at home pining for me and I don't think about her."

Rose sulked and barely glanced up when Jasper arrived.

"Smoke?" he asked Edward.

Edward stood and hesitated. He was supposed to watch out for his sister, but if he couldn't trust Bella Swan, who could he trust?

"Sure, come on," he answered, walking out with his boys in tow, as the other cool boys from the higher years arrived and took their seats.

"So Jasper, have you heard? Alice is back." Emmett sniggered.

Edward stood up straighter and glared at Emmett.

"What? You know they are in lurve. You can't fight lurve, Edward."

"How is she? Is she okay? Where is she?" Jasper asked.

"She is at the office getting her schedule," Edward replied, sitting on his upturned trashcan.

"Shouldn't you..we..go with her?" Jas asked, concerned.

"Bella-rina is with her," Emm said, lighting up.

Jasper smoked nervously. Two years and the Cullens' had not allowed him to even accompany them when they visited Alice themselves. They had been kids, not up to anything, he had not even kissed her for God's sake but he had hated being excluded. Alice was not only his best friend, she was his future and nobody need try denying that.

Bella and Alice stuck together as if glued. Bella had successfully pleaded for Alice to be moved to every class she was in, and Mrs Goff had complied, happy to be casting the burden off to the Swan girl. She was clever and quiet and sensible, she would look after Alice.

Edward was in most of the same classes as Bella anyway, so he would mostly be there as a back up.

Biology was the only problem, there was no room for another student at Bella's table. Mr Banner looked up from Mrs Goff's note and saw the simplest solution.

"Swan, you and Alice go sit with Cullen and Whitlock at the back table, Rosalie and Emmett, come sit down here with Jessica and Lauren. Now."

Edward smirked, Rose was seething and refused to meet his eyes. He would be getting punished later for his mirth no doubt but he couldn't find it in himself to care. She had loved sitting at the table with The Desirables. Now she had to settle for Emmett alone as she would never lower herself to speak to Jess or Lauren.

Mr Banner had wanted an excuse to break up the set of pretty people but he frowned at the new look Swan and shook his head. They were increasing in number, she used to be plain.

And Alice Cullen was pretty, so his move had not changed anything much, except now McCarty was close enough to the front to flick with his pointer when he got annoying.

Bella assumed Alice would take the seat Rose had scowlingly vacated beside Edward, but instead she took the other, beside Jasper, leaving Bella no choice other than to take that coveted seat herself.

Edward pushed the chair out for her with his foot and took her books and lay them on the table. Jasper was locked in a gaze with Alice and both were smiling gently. Emmett was right, Edward realised, with a start. How had he not known about this? Now he regretted not taking Jas with them to visit Alice at the hospital. It must have been torture for them both. He decided to be whatever help he could to the couple to smooth the road back to where they must have been before the James incident.

Edward clenched his teeth and held on tightly to the edge of the table, he would be unsurprised if he left indentations. He hated that fucker with all he was.

Taking his sister's innocence against her will when she was fourteen, a virtual child, then disappearing before he could be arrested and charged. That brought forth another worry, should he tell Jasper she was no longer a virgin, though not by her own choosing?

Life fucking sucked.

Bella watched his face, angry and pained, and looked away. Maybe she could ask to swap back with Rose and let the girl have the seat she obviously coveted back. This was going to be awkward, if Edward disliked her this much. He caught sight of her face, and immediately reacted to it.

"No, it's not you, I was thinking about someone I want to kill," he explained, immediately realising he had frightened her which had never been his intention. She smiled uncertainly, not looking very comforted and he sighed. Wrong words, Edward.

"Mr Banner, I am getting a migraine, may I go to the nurse?" he asked, and the teacher nodded.

"Go with him, Miss Swan," Mr Banner replied.

Bella looked at Rosalie.

"Shouldn't Rose..."

"Miss Swan, if you please."

Bella stood and picked up her books and walked out behind Edward. He turned and held out a hand, and she hesitantly took it.

"Come to my car, will you? I need to talk to someone I can trust before I kill someone."

Bella stopped and looked back and Edward released her hand.

"It's not you, Bella, it's nothing to do with you. Please, I have to talk to someone."

She shrugged, she guessed everyone needed a friend at times and if he was choosing her, she should comply. She could put aside her childish crush and try to be the friend he needed.

Sitting in his car as the Heaven's opened and rain poured down over them, she waited for him to speak.

"Okay, here's the thing. Nobody, not even Emmett and Jasper know this. Can I trust you to never tell a soul?" he asked gravely.

"Of course, Edward. I never join in gossip or pass it on," she swore.

"It's about Alice."

Bella nodded.

"James raped her. The night my father put her in that hospital, she was found in the forest, curled up in a ball, by Sam Uley, from the Res. You know him."

She nodded her agreement. She did know Sam.

"She didn't speak for over twenty months. She just lay there staring into space. They finally got through to her a few months ago and she seems fine now but she has no memory of the attack. She remembers the day it happened, right up to until he grabbed her off the street and took her to the forest in his car. He parked quite close to your house, up beside the walking track."

Bella shivered. Charlie had been out with a search party that night but she had been sent to bed, and had promised to not ask questions. Her father had been pale and shaken the next day, but assured her the 'hiker' had been found alive. She had never related the two events together. It was Alice they had been searching for.

"Isn't that a good thing, that she doesn't remember?" Bella asked.

"Not if it suddenly comes back to her. Carlisle doesn't know what to do for the best. Pretend it never happened or tell her and risk her going back downhill again."

"What can I do?" Bella asked.

"Just get me immediately if she ever has any sort of breakdown. You two should sit with us at lunch so I can be with her as much as possible. You have some classes with her that I don't, would you sit with her and never leave her alone?"

"As much as possible. I don't know if I can leave class every time she does, bathroom breaks and such, but I will try."

"Thank you. She has a good friend in you, Bella. We all appreciate that."

"I want to be your friend, too, Edward. You can talk to me any time, about anything," she assured him.

Edward gazed into her eyes.

"I believe I can. Thank you."

He turned the cd player on and they sat in silence, listening to the strains of classical music.

"Claire de Lune," Bella said, smiling. Edward smiled back, surprised.

"I'm not a complete yokel," Bella said.

"I never thought you were. You nearly beat me in the entrance exam, did you know that?"

She shook her head,

"One point. I beat you by one point. Jasper was third and he was seven points below you."

"How do you know? Those exams are confidential," Bella asked.

"The headmaster called Carlisle in before term started and I went with him. They left me in the outer office and the results were on the secretary's desk. I may have glanced at them."

Bella nodded.

"What did you get?" she asked.

"100%" he answered and she choked.

"I got 99%? Fuck me!"

Naturally she blushed scarlet when she heard her own words.

"I mean, well that is a surprise," she said hastily.

"I know what you mean. I said the same when I saw my result. The class average was 76% and only that high because you, Jas and I raised it up."

"Wow, I must have fluked it," Bella said.

"Stop it, we all know you are brilliant. Believe me, I am the smartest person in this school, and I know it, therefore I must be right."

The bell sounded and Edward peered out at the rain.

"Shall we run and pretend it helps us avoid getting wetter than if we walk?" he asked.

Bella laughed.

"If you can run at the same speed as the wind, then do it because you will get less wet. However, if you can run faster than the wind, you will get least wet of all."

"Right on, Swan," he grinned. "Run faster than the wind."

X~x~X

The weeks that followed saw Bella and Edward become closer each day. It became the norm to see them together, joking about, touching one another innocently, chastely, but both noticed the touches and reveled in them. There was rarely a day when they didn't sit together, work together, and Edward drove her to and from school and Alice sat in the backseat so Bella could sit beside her brother.

The night visits started one cold night when Edward had news of James being sighted in Seattle and was scared he would go track him down and rip his head from his shoulders.

He went out driving aimlessly, trying to calm down when he was suddenly parking on the street across from Bella's house, right along side the path where the monster had dragged his sister into the cover of the forest to attack her.

As Edward sat slapping the steering wheel and imagining all the things he wished he could do to James, Bella caught sight of him out of her window and walked across to his car, tapping on the window.

Edward calmed down and opened his passenger door and she slipped inside.

"What's happened? Has Alice...?"

"No, Alice is fine, oblivious. Carlisle was told James was seen in Seattle, but gave the cops there the slip. Again. I really want to go rip his head off, Bella, for what he did to Alice. She lost more than her virginity, she lost two years of her life. And we did too. It really messed with my mother's head. I know I can't undo what he did but the whole family would feel better if he at least paid for his crime."

Bella nodded, understandingly.

"They wouldn't want you to end up in prison though, Edward. You have to let the police and the courts handle him."

"I feel so fucking useless. We shared a womb, Bella. She is my sister and I should have been there. I was fooling around with Jas and Emmett, sneaking off into the trees behind our house to learn how to smoke, and my sister was being kidnapped and raped. What sort of a brother allows that to happen? She was fourteen. Fucking fourteen. She deserved better."

Bella shivered involuntarily and Edward noticed she was wearing only a pair of sweats and a cami top under her coat.

"Go back inside, I didn't mean to get you out of your bed. You look freezing."

"Charlie's working, come inside and we can have coffee and talk."

Edward needed no second invitation and Bella took his hand and led him inside, stopping in the kitchen only to pour them a cup of caffeine each and add cream and sugar, whether he wanted it or not. He needed comfort and sugar was part of that.

"Come upstairs, Charlie won't be home until morning. We can snuggle in my bed so long as you behave," she warned.

Edward removed his shoes and Bella took off her coat and boots and they sat together against her bedhead under her comforter. The bed was warm and cosy and after an hour of talking, Edward started getting his feelings back under control, and held Bella close, kissing the top of her head. She alone seemed to have the power to comfort him and allow him to calm himself. His father usually ended up handing him a Valium when he had a restless guilt ridden night.

He made no attempt to take advantage of being in her bed, much as his body wished he would. He respected Bella and was grateful she had changed the habits of a lifetime to allow him in such close proximity.

She fell asleep somewhere in the early hours. One minute she was telling him how much she missed her Mom but how Sue was at least allowing her to make her own choices in life. Bella had told him she knew the woman would not say a word to Charlie about Edward staying overnight if he chose to.

"She trusts me to keep myself pure until the right boy comes along, she knows I would never act rashly."

Next thing, his sensible little friend was asleep in his arms and he pulled them both down flatter on the mattress and her head rested on his chest and he lay in the dark, his arms around her protectively, grateful he had a friend such as her.

In the morning, Sue tapped on the door.

"Bella, Charlie will be home in twenty minutes, if you need to tidy your room or anything. I will be in the shower."

Bella grinned.

"See, she is giving you a chance to slip out and go home and she won't ever mention you were here, to me even. I like Sue."

"I like you. Thanks so much for last night,Bella. I really needed you. May I kiss you?"

Bella smiled and nodded and Edward sat facing her on the bed and pulled her full lower lip between his own and they both got a little carried away. Bella finally pulled back.

"Go. Come get me later and we can talk more at school."

She had walked downstairs with him and after he left, she knocked on the bathroom door to let Sue know she could come out now.

Edward found himself back in her bed many nights, sometimes from need, sometimes he just wanted to hold her in his arms and relax and so Charlie's schedule, hanging on the kitchen wall, became an item of extreme interest. The man was absent at least three nights per week, which was kind of perfect.

X~x~X

Alice sat beside Bella in English and they both grinned when the teacher used Bella's essay, already handed in completed weeks earlier, way ahead of the others, as an example of what she was hoping to get from all the students.

A few grumbled and looked her way annoyed, she was raising the bar and many of them where being left far behind.

"Emmett McCarty, do you have anything for me?" she asked and the class tittered behind their hands. Emmett had 'something' for every willing woman aged under forty.

"I do," he replied and handed her his essay. She started scanning it quickly then paused.

"Mr McCarty, when did Mr Shakespeare introduce a character named Leonardo in Romeo and Juliet?" she asked.

Emmett looked confused, and stood up, hoping to use his height advantage to overwhelm her.

"You know, Leonardo, isn't that his name? He stood up the front of the Titanic with the blond chick. He was in The Beach," Emmett answered.

Bella looked down at her desk. Emmett had borrowed the DVD as he threatened to. The 1996 Bazz Luhrmann version starring Leonardo di Caprio.

"Emmett, I would like to extend an invitation for you to attend Detention this afternoon. Be there."

Emmett sat down, shaking his head.

"I swear it was that Leonardo dude. Well, it looked like him, whoever he was. How was I supposed to know it wasn't him?"

The teacher pulled Bella aside to ask her if she wanted to earn extra credits still. Bella agreed immediately and asked what it would entail.

"I need you to sit in on detention while I grade some essays that are far inferior to your own, I suspect. I will be in the adjoining room if there are any problems."

X~x~X

Bella arrived at the classroom and found only a handful of students, it was the middle of term. Things would get busier as the weeks rolled by.

She sat beside Emmett and read the first few chapters of Romeo and Juliet to him, seeing she was in charge and the others were all doing homework or at least pretending to.

"Thanks, Belly-Button," he said when the time was over and he was free to go home. He walked beside Bella to the car park and saw her safely into her truck.

He climbed in her passenger seat and looked at her.

"You are a chick. Tell me if you think I have a chance with Rose?" he asked.

"She is very into Edward. It's hard to say if he has feelings for her though. He says not, is he generally honest?" she asked back.

"Sure, he never lied to us when he was with Tanya and he never really has been attracted to anyone else."

"Is Tanya his girlfriend?" Bella asked, crestfallen. He never mentioned her.

"Nah, just his first," Emmett replied. "So, how do I get Rose to notice me?"

"How about acting a little more mature around her and not using language she doesn't like. Girls really are not impressed by potty mouths. Even if they let the odd slip happen themselves. Try and act responsibly, read your assigned novels, do your work, show her you can be a grown up. Emmett, if not first girlfriend, what do you mean by 'his first'?" she asked.

"Seriously, Babybel, you are joking, right?" Emmett said, shaking his head. "Such an innocent, I love you."

"Thanks, I think. I have to get home. Read the last five chapters, Emmett and do the essay anyway, Mrs King may accept it as a do-over."

Bella started the truck and headed for home, and a warm bath and bed. She felt exhausted for some reason. Her mind evaded recalling that conversation with Emmett and she felt it nagging at the very edge of her brain.

In the middle of a dream she sat up in bed.

"Oh. His first."

She lay back down but sleep evaded her.

First of how many? she wondered.


	3. Chapter 3

The Waiting Game

Chapter 3

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Bella's POV

I guess it is illogical to hold something against someone when it's something they can't change. Knowing Edward had been sexually active with whoever Tanya was, changed him in my eyes. It was never that I felt superior to him, nothing like that. It was just in my head, I had always had a picture of my first boyfriend and it never included the fact he had been with someone else. It didn't even matter how many someone else's, the one was enough for me to mentally rule Edward off my list of being a possible first boyfriend candidate.

Him telling me about Alice fast tracked us as friends, that's for sure. Suddenly the three of us were always together, I even went to their house after school most days and swam in their pool with them and Emmett and Jasper . He slept in my bed three nights a week,something that now had to change and stop. I would have never let him in the first place had I known. Not because I hadn't wanted him there, I definitely had, but because it couldn't lead to anything more so better to nip it in the bud.

I had plans, rules, ideas of my life path, all written in stone, I could not deviate from my chosen life choices because a boy was pretty. I knew he was more than pretty, he was beautiful and he had snuck into my heart but that made me resent him more. He should have told me, maybe if I had always known I could have dealt. I could have at least made different choices about the perimeters of our friendship.

I didn't really blame him as much for not telling me, we were friends, nothing more, I had no expectations he should have told me everything about his private life, but I wished he had before I invited him under my comforter. To me, that was something you shared before you climbed into a girl's bed. Maybe I was being harsh but I had no experience of boys before him. All I had to cling to were my own ideals and I couldn't change them without changing who I was, something I was not willing to do.

I would never have allowed us to get so close, physically and emotionally. We had never done anything but cuddle and that first kiss. I had assumed he was as new to things as I was. We all know what happens when we assume.

Everyone noticed the change in my attitude to Edward immediately.

He was confused, but I didn't see any point in talking about it. I saw him looking at me whenever I walked into the room or schoolyard and he would smile sadly and look puzzled, like he was trying to read my mind. I would walk over and sit with them, as Alice needed me to, but I no longer watched Edward in that obsessive way I had before. I talked to the others but when I spoke to him I kept the conversations about school work or general conversation, nothing personal between us. He tried to get me to talk to him like we used to. It hurt , my dream of where we had been headed, exploring one another's bodies for the first time, touching, tasting, maybe more in time; all those images faded like a mirage, so I avoided reacting when he brought up things that had been private between us in the past.

Jasper and Alice were a delight and it warmed my heart seeing how much they openly loved one another. I guess I started to live my life vicariously through them. Their joy was my joy, their happiness made up for my own lack of a boyfriend.

I had my first kiss to treasure and it was enough.

Edward pushed me but gently. When Jane's party neared, he asked me to go with him, double dating with Jas and Ali.

"No, but thanks for asking," I said when he invited me. I smiled to show I had no hard feelings.

"Oh, sorry, I thought we were friends," he growled, looking away, looking anywhere but at my eyes. I understood, rejection hurts.

"Of course we are, but we can't date. Take Tanya," I suggested brightly. Keep him at a safe distance, Bella.

He frowned and looked at me but I started talking to the group about the Biology field trip.

Rose had looked at me for weeks as the usurper but when she heard me refuse to go to Jane's party with him, she became a lot friendlier. She cornered me at the party itself and asked me what my game plan was.

"Game plan? I don't understand the question," I replied.

"Every girl has a game plan. You know Edward wants you, so why are you refusing to date him? Are you playing hard to get, because that gets old fast with someone as popular as he is. Don't push your luck, he will move on."

"I want him to, Rose. I hope he opens his eyes and sees how good you would be for him," I replied, confusing her further.

"You don't want him? You stared at him for years, now he is available you have changed your mind?" she asked, shocked. Nobody would dream of rejecting Edward Cullen, it was insanity, her eyes clearly said.

"Basically," I agreed.

"Tell me, please. I can't bear not knowing."

"Rose, I know he is everyone's idea of perfect but for me, all I ever wanted was a guy who saved himself for love. It may be stupid, but it's the one quality that my first boyfriend has to have. Maybe in the future, if I myself end up sleeping with someone and it doesn't lead to a permanent relationship, maybe then I would find someone like him acceptable, but not for my first. I want to lose my virginity to a guy who is losing his to me. I want it to be romantic, a promise of future togetherness, a connection between just the two of us. Something we share that nobody else can have a part of. I want to be that girl, the girl who only ever slept with one man, and I want him to have only shared his body with me. I don't want to wonder about the others and how it was with them and how he felt or didn't feel. To me, giving yourself is the beginning of something beautiful, a physical commitment, a manifestation of our emotional love, not an itch to be scratched with the first willing person. It's just the way it is."

Rose nodded, and looked at me like I was speaking a language she had never heard before. Light shone in her eyes.

"I get it. But that's so different, so adult, so meaningful. I never looked at sex like that before," she said, smiling. "You know finding yourself a virgin means you probably need to choose a boy in kindergarten and lock him away until he reaches the age of consent? That's about the only way to find a sixteen year old male virgin ," she laughed.

"I don't believe that," I answered. "There have to be boys here that haven't done that yet," I said confidently.

"Sure," agreed Rose. "They are the ones who never had the opportunity. Go look amongst the nerds, go to the Dungeons and Dragons club, I'm sure you will find 40 year old virgin men there. There's a reason they are still untouched. You won't find an Edward Cullen amongst them though."

I nodded, I was aware of what I was choosing to not have.

I should have known Rose would tell Edward what I said, she was willing to use anything as leverage to get his attention.

He sought me out as I sat alone in the garden out the back, watching couples make out around the pool, drinking my Coke.

"Bella, talk to me," he said, sitting beside me.

"Sure, what about?" I asked, not yet realising he had come straight from his conversation with Rose.

"Rose said you refuse to consider dating me because of my relationship with Tanya. That can't be true, surely? I didn't even know you then. I mean, I knew who you were but you were Alice's friend, no more, no less."

"If she told you that, I'm sure she told you the rest, the reason," I said.

"I can't undo what happened. Tanya and I have been friends all our lives, we go to Alaska every year and stay with her family. There was never anything between us until last break. Things just happened. She was ready to change her status, I was willing to help her out, I was sick of being the only boy in the group still virginal, so we had sex a few times. It was nothing, it was sport. Something to do. It was never going to be more than that and I won't ever do it again with her, but it happened."

"That's fine, Edward. I am not judging you."

"You are, you are judging me and I am coming up unworthy of you. I can't unring that bell. You do realise Emmett has been with most of the girls at school and older girls, college girls. Even a couple of women your mother's age, maybe even your mother."

I slapped him for that, across the face, even though there was a slight chance it was true. Renee saw herself as 'adventurous" as well as young and desirable. She had decided to be a cougar for a while when things first went bad with my Dad. She would never have thought Emmett was fifteen, especially with beer goggles, or G&T goggles more accurately. He worked in a bar, collecting empties, no doubt he flirted with the ladies, including those under the influence. It was not impossible but I didn't want to hear Edward talk about her that way.

Edward looked away but ignored the slap.

"You remain friends with him."

"Friends. Exactly. I don't care what he has done. I just wouldn't date him either."

"So, you are telling me to give up, we can never be anything."

"I am saying you cannot be my first anything, not my first boyfriend, not my first lover, so there's no point in us dating until I am on a level playing field to you."

"Seriously? You will consider me after some other lucky bastard gets to take your virginity?" he said sadly.

"Sure. If you find that unpalatable, then you should understand my point of view," I answered, maybe a little harshly. He had admitted he had tossed his virginity away on a girl he didn't even pretend to love. Had it been in a meaningful relationship that had later withered and died, it could have been different. Boys who have sex for sport were never the type of boys I wanted to be with.

"I could never find you unpalatable, but I will wait for you, Bella. It just hurts me that I can't be your first. One mistake and I can't be what I dearly want to be to you. Can you explain the reason because I don't really understand. I thought girls preferred boys with experience."

"Maybe they do. I see giving your virginity to someone as a special thing, a gift. The whole idea of that someone comparing your performance to girls he has been with before just takes so much away from the whole experience."

"It wouldn't be like that. I had no feelings beyond friendship and lust with Tanya. I don't look back and see us as Romeo and Juliet, we were just two friends who wanted the same thing and took it."

"See, for me, that would never be enough. That would be like me sleeping with Emmett. I like him, he's fun, we have no feelings beyond friendship and no hopes for a future together. He would probably be willing and it would mean nothing. Nothing at all, and you only get to give your virginity once."

"It wouldn't be that way with us, I really like you. You know that. It could be Romeo and Juliet with us if you let it. He slept with Rosaline first, it never changed how he felt about Juliet. Rosaline no longer existed for him once he met her."

"I may be chasing a rainbow and it may not happen for me the way I want but I can't let go of a dream, Edward. Not even for you."

"You do like me?" he asked hopefully.

I laughed dryly.

"You know I always have. That's not the point."

"But it is, Bella. I could make your sixteenth birthday special for you. A night we would talk about and remember in our old age. Tell our grandkids about."

"Whoa, to start with, I can't imagine any grandchildren wanting to hear about the first time Granny and Grandpa slept together and Edward, it's not going to happen."

"Fuck my life. I have been with exactly one girl but your high standards make me feel soiled, Bella. I feel like manwhore. I would change things if I could, but I can't."

"Then move on. Rose would love to go on a date with you," I told him.

"Thanks, I think I can choose my own first girlfriend."

"Don't you like her? She is gorgeous and she is mad about you."

"Rose isn't you," he said, walking away.

I lay in bed that night and really tried to change my dream but it was the one thing I had always wanted and it refused to budge. I wanted a fellow virgin.

Edward changed towards me, naturally. I was back to being Alice's friend and he made no effort to ever spend time alone with me now. I drove The Beast to school again and kept the oil topped up. I told myself I was glad that he hadn't come knocking on my window any more but I found myself waiting on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights. They had been our nights together and now my bed was empty and comfortless.

My choice, I reminded myself.

I wondered a lot about the mystical Tanya. I wanted to know what she looked like and I knew I would con Alice into showing me a photo. Of course, she was the most perfect creature on the planet and I imagine any guy would love to be with her.

Alice frowned as I studied the photo of the tall slender girl with long white platinum blond hair down past her backside, who can grow their hair that long for Heaven's sake? Her eyes were a shade of lilac that eyes just didn't come in but Alice assured me Tanya had eyes that color from when she was a little kid, they were not contacts.

"Can I keep this?" I asked.

Alice nodded but was probably thinking it was because Edward was in the photo as well. The two of them seated together in front of an open fire, both looking like Gods. Perfectly matched, she was as beautiful as he was. I wondered if they had made love on the fluffy white rug at their feet, in front of the dancing red and gold flames. It would be the perfect setting.

Edward approached me later in the parking lot and asked me for the photo back.

"Why did you ask Alice to get it for you?" he asked, his eyes haunted, but his face cross. He was paler these days and had purple lines under his eyes. I felt a stab of guilt, knowing he now struggled with his James issues alone at night when they returned to haunt him. I just couldn't see a way to comfort him through those nights and remain detached. I was sorry I was letting him down.

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see the girl who got the boy who I wanted to be my first," I answered, may as well stick with honesty, holding out the photo.

Edward ripped it to pieces and threw them on the ground.

"I think of her as the girl who spoiled my chances with the girl I love," he replied, and turned to walk away to his shiny Volvo. I watched him speed away angrily, and hoped he at least was wearing his seatbelt.

I wished I could change but for me, he had done the only thing I could not overlook and now I had seen Tanya's photo, it seemed laughable he had even wanted me after he had been with her.

X~x~X

My sixteenth birthday arrived and Alice had begged me to hold a party for me at their house so I was grumbling as I pulled on the dress she had bought me as my gift. It probably cost more than we Swan's spent on a month's groceries but once I had it on, I could see it was well worth it. It was a deep blue that somehow made my brown eyes shine and look interesting, and my pale skin looked creamy instead of stark and white. Rose came around and did my make up and hair. Since my rejection of Edward, she was suddenly my best friend, after Alice, and she chatted about how maybe tonight would be the night Edward gave in and accepted her as consolation prize.

"Rose, don't be silly, don't settle. Look for a boy who wants you above any other girl. Don't just fall into Edward's arms because he is available. Doesn't the fact he was with Tanya bother you?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"Bella, I don't even care that he is in love with you, why would I care about some girl in his past if I don't care about a girl in his present? You have his heart and that hurts me, but hearts can change," she said confidently.

I hoped so, for her sake although I did wonder how I would feel if he did decide to accept her offer and started hanging with her as a couple, at school. Maybe I would go back to eating lunch in the library.

Edward still bought lunch for us both and refused to consider not doing it any more when I pointed out he had many friends and as that was all we were, he didn't need to be feeding me.

"I can buy lunch for a friend if I choose to," he had replied, waiting for me to choose something from the tray first. I took just a shiny red apple but Emmett ate whatever Edward didn't so it was never a waste. If he started going out with Rose, I presumed he would buy her lunch instead.

As it turned out, that would not be a problem.

I was considering letting go of my dream and accepting Edward as he was, his one minor flaw was not changeable after all, no matter how much I wished it was. I argued with myself that maybe he was worth letting go of my own ideals. Like Rose said, most sixteen year old boys had been with somebody already, I was not going to have a massive choice and I loved Edward, it was the truth, the completely unavoidable truth.

I will talk to him tonight and we will try to see if we can forget the past few weeks and begin again where we left off, before I found out. Maybe we can be something more, maybe not. Maybe I can be the giver and show him how much better sex could be with love and meaning? I had few options.

I wanted his arms around me again, and I wanted him in my bed three nights each week.

Maybe when the time comes and we do want to do that together, that will be the vital time. Maybe I will react badly and pull away from him, or maybe I will be so into it myself it won't matter any more. There was no point throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

I loved Edward, he loved me, it was possible my resistance was silly and childish.

I had to accept him warts and all, and tonight I would. If he would give me a second chance. Rose would not be happy with me.

Rose and I arrived together and Edward was seated in the family room, his eyes daring me to flinch at the sight of the beauty perched on his lap.

"Bella, I would like you to meet Tanya Denali. She's transferred to Forks High for the next three years and tonight she agreed to become my girlfriend," he informed me defiantly.

I think I smiled, maybe it was more of a grimace. I nodded inanely and walked on, wishing I could leave now.

The rest of the night just got worse and the grand finale happened when I went outside to catch my breath and summon the necessary strength to keep up the act long enough to blow out the candles on my birthday cake and saw Edward with Tanya, up against a tree and pants were not involved. He had not wasted a minute getting back into a sexual relationship with her.

I hurried inside and told Alice I had a migraine and Rose drove me home.

X~x~X

It was impossible now for me to sit with them anytime, all I could see when Tanya and Edward sat together was the image of the two of them fucking in the yard. I had been shocked at the searing stab of pain and jealousy in my heart. I could have had him and none of this would have happened but I had been too proud and stubborn to let go of a dream that was meaningless now anyway. Whoever my virginal beau would be, he wouldn't be Edward and I now knew that took away all meaning for me.

"I'm going to buy myself a whole bunch of kittens," I told Alice in class. "May as well be preparing for my old age with my house full of cats."

"Bella, you could just start dating, Mike Newton is clearly mad about you. Eric and Tyler both watch you all day, do any of them appeal?"

I shook my head.

"Ali, I can't hang with you anymore, you realise that? You have your Jasper anyway, you don't need me any more. I am going to join committees and be very busy from now on. I just can't bear seeing him with her," I admitted.

It's so true, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Throwing away a person who loved you for a pipe dream is insanity but too late now, Bella.

My committee meetings did do what I wanted them to, but they were so boring, I gradually dropped out again and spent my time in the library, safe in the arms of Mr Darcy and Romeo and Tristan. Of course I had to endure many classes with the perfect couple and nobody could fail to see Edward's heart change and become hers, he didn't fight it and before the year ended, Edward Cullen was truly, madly, deeply in love again.

X~x~X

Alice and I kept up our friendship and managed to avoid spending too much time with the lovebirds. As pretty and perfect as Tanya was, she did not strike me as being as crazy in love with Edward as he was with her. He drove her to school, bought her lunch, kissed her when they were hidden from the teachers eyes, near the lockers,or outside the gym and I'm sure more than smoking went on behind the library nowadays.

Edward walked her to class, the few they didn't share meant he had to then bolt to his own class and he left the second the bell sounded, leaving the room at almost inhuman speed to get to his Tanya.

Every boy in the school was in love with her, all eyes strayed to her form, and Rose was bitter and sad in turn.

X~x~X

Incredibly, somehow Edward and I were able to even become friends again. We bumped into one another just weeks before the school year ended. I had been looking for a holiday job, he was looking for coffee and we ended up in the diner at the same time. At first my instincts were to ignore him but he was not about to allow that to happen, and he stood behind me, waiting for the girl behind the counter to accept my resume and promise to hand it on to the owner.

"Bella, can I by you a coffee?" he asked and I shrugged and agreed. We sat at an outside table, nothing to hide. We had been friends, we could share a cup of java.

"So, how's life? I barely see you at school now," he said.

"I think you are too busy looking at your girlfriend," I had replied with a mirthless laugh.

"Ah, Tanya. I have you to thank for that."

"Me? Why?" I asked, intrigued.

"I figured when she suggested moving to Forks to finish High School I would use her to try and get you back, or at least keep my number at one, seeing you are so hung up about numbers," he smirked. "Then I fell in love with her. You were right, she is perfect for me. I wish she and I had been in a proper relationship before we slept together for the first time, I finally get what you meant. It is far more meaningful now, being with her."

"Good," I nodded, not letting on that my dream was now dead. I no longer cared who my first would be, because whoever he was, he would not be Edward. What did it matter if whoever the guy will be had been around the block a few times, it was not going to be special for me anyway.

It was more like a rite of passage I was going to have to endure.

"So, where is Tanya? Usually you two are never apart," I said.

"Ballet classes. Every Saturday morning. I go nuts waiting for her. Do you come here often? Could we meet for coffee and you could guide me on my road to future permanent happiness."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.

"I intend marrying her, Bella, as soon as she will have me."

"Edward, you are seventeen, nobody gets married at seventeen... God, is she pregnant?"

He scowled.

"No, she said that was what everybody would say. I thought you would be different. I love her, I don't see the point in waiting. I have my inheritance due to mature when I am eighteen, I could build us a house, pay for college, we could go as a married couple and even have a kid, they do have creches."

"Sorry, I guess I just have lost my faith in true love. It all seems just a farce to me now. I intend bonking the first man who asks me and letting my hair down and having some fun before I get old and live with my cats."

"Bella," he growled, taking my hand. "Don't give up on your dream. You will meet him one day and be very glad you saved yourself for him, like you planned. Don't change who you are. Don't do anything reckless, okay? Promise me. Love is out there and it's so worth it. You told me that and you were right."

I nodded.

Whatever.

Thus it started, coffee with Edward every Saturday morning while the girl he loved danced her way deeper into his heart.

We were all ready when the break before our Sophomore year arrived and I gladly hopped on a plane to Florida to visit my mother and her second husband in their latest new house. They seemed to move around a lot, I guess Renee was looking for the perfect location to live her perfect life. It was great spending the entire break away from Forks and when Renee pushed it and Phil backed her pleas up, I decided it would be good to spend a year here in the sun, attending a new High School, making new friends. Maybe The One for me could be right here under my nose. Maybe I should hold out for love. Maybe I should remain true to myself.

I was not the only girl Edward could love, so it stood to reason he was not the one and only boy for me.

Charlie and Sue were disappointed I wasn't returning for my Sophomore Year but I needed the seachange. I promised my father I would consider returning for Junior Year at Forks, and Phil said there was no need for Charlie to send me anything , he would just buy me everything I needed new.

I talked to Alice online, but she never mentioned her brother and I was glad of that. I doubted he would even notice my absence.

X~x~X

Edward's POV

Tanya was hard work but worth the effort and I often wondered why we had never tried to have a proper relationship earlier. Her parents were both dead and she lived with her two older sisters in Alaska, so living in the Cullen house was a change and she had to revert back to being looked after again. My Mom liked her well enough and I knew she was happy I was happy again.

To be honest, I had not thought it possible, after my almost thing with Bella. Being with Tanya never entirely erased the pain and sadness but I had to move on. I was not about to turn into some overly emotional sad and tragic figure wasting his youth pining for a girl he couldn't have.

Over the break, we all went away and spent time at our beach house in California and came home happy and tanned, ready to face another year of rain and clouds. I shook away thoughts of how much Bella would have enjoyed the sun, and images of her in a bikini when she had swum in our pool that flashed into my brain were ignored, mostly, unless I was alone and able to make use of them. Tanya had attracted the attention of every male at the beach but I had my own admirers amongst the females, I would say we were pretty evenly watched.

Having Tanya on my arm was a massive boost to my ego. Those boys and many of the men also, wanted her and envied me and I liked that.

Still, I would be lying not to admit I was looking forward to Sophomore year and the occasional conversations with Bella. We both acted like adults and didn't let our past eat us alive. She accepted I was with Tanya again and our Saturday coffee mornings gave us both a sense of closure and moving our relationship back to the friendship we had established before I wanted more from her. She would always be the one who got away for me, but I guess everyone has one of those.

I kind of saw in her eyes she thought of me the same way and sometimes I could feel she regretted calling a halt to us over the whole non virgin thing. She had changed and I was sad about that. She had lost her faith in love and I wondered if it was because I had been able to turn to Tanya and move on so fast. Maybe she doubted that I ever loved her, but I did, truly.

Madly. Deeply.

But I couldn't have her and I am a man. Women grieve and men replace.

Tanya was great, it is possible to love two women at the same time and although Tanya held the smaller half of my heart, we were both determined it would be enough. We would have a perfectly adequate life together, sometimes that's all there is. Sometimes you have to love the things that are good for you.

Not grieve over what you can't have.

It wasn't like I even lost Bella, I never had her in the first place. I know that now but at the time, I really thought she loved me. Shows how wrong you can be.

Now I am waiting for the day Tanya and I marry and move onto the next level. I guess it is kind of weird for a boy my age to want to grow up fast but I need some form of stability in my life and Tanya will be that for me.

I can't wait.

X~x~X

Alice had her schedule and compared it to Jasper's and wailed out loud when it turned out she had three subjects where he would not share classes with her.

"I have to go and beg Mrs Goff to change us, I can't go to class alone," she cried.

"Alice, cool it, you probably can sit with Bella in those classes," I told her. She was acting nuts, way overboard. She sat with Bella last year in the classes Jasper wasn't in and survived just fine.

"Bella isn't here," she answered crossly.

"She will be, Bella would never be late for class, especially on her first day," I said.

"No, Edward. Bella lives in Florida now. She isn't here, she isn't coming back."

I blinked and tried to hold myself together.

Not here? I would never get to see her again?

No more Saturday coffees?

I felt my breath catch in my throat and coughed.

"You all right, Eddie?" Tanya asked.

"Sure, just surprised is all," I answered, catching Jasper's eyes. Fucker thinks he knows everything.

"Come on Alice, I will go to the office with you and dazzle Mrs Goff into changing your classes. The cougar wants me," I joked, trying madly to get my brain to calm the fuck down and function.

She wasn't coming back?

Not ever?

X~x~X


	4. Chapter 4

**Before we go too much further, if you are a regular reader of my ramblings, you know every story at Kismetian ends HEA for B&E and usually the rest of them as well. And this story is under 'supernatural' ...that's for a reason. Don't despair.**

The Waiting Game

Chapter 4

My First Time

Bella's POV

It's true, time flies when you are having fun. The next two years went by in a flash. The school in Florida was about as different as it could possibly be compared to Forks High. The kids were happier, more open and friendly. I was never banished to the unpopular side, in fact, there was no unpopular side in the canteen. Several girls had sat with me in class from the first day of my Sophomore year and I caught the eyes of some not so shabby guys as well.

A girl named Chelsea appointed herself as my best friend and showed me around the school and introduced me to all her many friends. It was her brother Alec, a Junior, who caught my eye in particular. Tall, sandy blond, blue eyes, a regular beach boy. He surfed, he swam, he was athletic and built and I kind of fascinated by him, he was kind of beautiful.

He invited me to go to Cocoa Beach on the weekend and he promised to teach me how to surf, so I was in.

Living with Phil meant suddenly I had money to burn.

Phil was a lot more financially secure than Charlie and he was generous to a fault, insisting I had to accept a generous allowance even though I did nothing around the house other than keep my bedroom tidy.

Renee was so loved up she wanted everyone to be as happy as she was so I was encouraged to get out of the house weekends with my friends and Alec picked me up promptly every Saturday morning and we headed for sun and surf and a great time with my new buddies. I grasped the concept of surfing fairly quickly, to everyone's amazement.

Standing up on my board, the waves pushing me to shore with the wind in my hair and sun on my face, well does it get any better?

Life here was so relaxed and happy, maybe the weather made it so. It couldn't hurt.

School was a breeze, I was in several Advanced Placement classes because I was just too brilliant for words but it meant I got to sit in with the older classes so I wasn't complaining, Alec was in those classes and he was even more fun than Chelsea to sit with.

Phil bought me a car for my seventeenth birthday, and I was kind of worried it meant they wanted me to stay on for another year. I fully intended returning to Forks for Junior and Senior years, then go on to whatever college I got a scholarship to.

I knew I could probably pick and choose, my ability to work alone and faster than the others meant I was going to be a shoe in with anything I did academically, and as Alec was just as keen to do well, we restricted our time together to at school and weekends at the beach.

Weekdays we were both into studying and earning extra credits anywhere we could.

It was great, not having to find a part time job. I could devote my life to maybe even getting better marks than Edward, the only student who had ever topped me. Not that I would ever know until I returned to Forks but it spurred me on.

"So, this car, am I supposed to drive back to Washington? Or how will it get there?" I asked Renee. She just smiled.

"Everything will turn out for the best, Bella. Just relax and accept your Fate, don't fight it." Whatever that meant, she was getting a little too Mystic Meg lately.

She had been a barrel of laughs to live with, so different to Sue and Charlie. She was always getting herself into jams and calling me to come rescue her and it was like having a slightly older but much more disorganised sister.

I called her Renee, and Phil was happy for me to use his first name so no awkward 'do I call him Dad?' situations.

Phil was younger than my Mom, quite attractive if you like good looks, perfect hair and a fit nicely built body and his job as baseball player meant he had a legion of fans.

Renee and I went to every game, I suspect more to keep the fans away from him than to watch him play.

Alec sometimes came with us, and Renee thought he was 'fine' and encouraged me to 'make him mine' but somehow it just didn't feel right yet. Alec was willing, and we did do things I had never done before, but we stopped short of actual sex.

Our conversations were often about my reluctance to go that extra step.

"So, Bella, you are going to go and desert me at the end of this school year, surely we could spend a few nights together properly before you go."

"Alec, I don't see the point. I kind of thought I would share that with someone I was at least having a shot at forever with. We have a few months left then I am gone. There's no hope of anything further for us. I think I will hold on to my cherry, thank you."

"Is there someone back in Forks, Bella? I almost feel someone here, coming between us at times. Tell me about him."

"There's nobody, Alec. Nobody special at all, sadly. There was once but I kind of fucked that up and he's engaged now, so short of finding a way to turn back time, he and I are done."

"Then Bella, relax and let's make love. Wouldn't you like me to be the one you always remember as your first?"

It was tempting and I almost gave in several times but I could see Edward's face in my head, cautioning me not to change who I was, and not to do anything reckless. Sleeping with a boy I would never see again seemed to be both of those things.

I counted down the months and it helped me stay strong, knowing Alec and I had a mere three more months together.

My virginity was worth more than three more months surely?

That's when Fate intervened.

By Fate I mean Alice.

She sent me an email, trying to stay within the agreed boundaries, not mentioning her brother but feeling the need to impart some information to me.

_Hey Bella, you know how I turned eighteen, along with anyone I may have shared a uterus with? (Thanks for the gift btw, it was awesome.) Anyhow, some people think when they come into money it frees them up to become an instant adult and they go do adult things that most eighteen year olds don't want to do for , let's say, ten more years yet, if they possess half a brain and don't think with their dicks, that is. Well, he did it. I know he said he would but really, he has shocked the pants off our parents and naturally everyone's counting the months from now on, but honestly, I don't think they had to._

_I think he was just scared of ending up alone. _

_He has been a dick since you left, searching for you on Facebook, hacking into my other email account, (glad we kept this one between just us), he disappeared twice for whole weekends and I found airline tickets to Florida in his pockets later, but I knew he never found you because he was a bear with a sore head after he got back and he brooded and wrote some really shitty dark music. I never bent, I never told him even what city you are in and he doesn't know Phil's surname and I thank you for never telling me that so I didn't have to lie to him. Anyway, he has really fucked up this time and has the rest of his life to repent. Just thought you should know before you came back. Sorry if you would have rather never be told._

_Hopefully by now you don't even care. Alice x x x _

The problem was, I did care. That changed everything.

I opened my cellphone and called Charlie, telling him the school programme here was just too superior to Forks, and I was staying for at least Junior, maybe Senior as well.

I wondered how to keep Alec from invading my pants for another year.

In the end, I promised him he could have me on my 18th birthday if we were still together and he stopped pushing me.

It worked and Junior Year arrived after a quick trip away to Chicago to meet Phil's parents followed by a week in California just for the Hell of it, Phil said.

X~x~X

I had forgotten all about entering the Nationwide America's Top Student competition, it hadn't been my idea. My teachers here insisted I put my name down and a group of us did the preliminary testing, and the ones who got over 97% were called back for the second test and then as the months had passed, I forgot or assumed I hadn't made it to the competition.

We were all more or less listening to the regular morning updates about things occurring in this school, but Chelsea was kidding me about her brother, saying she was willing to be bridesmaid if I chose to stay and marry Alec instead of going back to Forks for my Senior Year, which I was still debating the wisdom of but Charlie was getting louder and more insistent by the day. Marriage was not something Alec and I had ever discussed because unlike some people, we were not insane.

I heard my name mentioned and looked up.

The other students in the classroom were looking at me, clapping loudly, and I blushed, even not knowing what I had done.

"Bella, congratulations," Mrs Frost said, walking to my desk.

"I'm sure you will do your best. It's the first time a Junior student has gone to the finals, and this year nationwide there are two Juniors amongst the Seniors so we have every confidence you will do us Floridians proud."

I nodded and smiled and when she moved away and started handing out assignments, I quickly looked to the girl sitting behind and asked her what I had been chosen for.

"America's Top Student, you get to go to New York, you beat the best Senior entrant's in all of Florida," she informed me and I did then remember my entry.

Renee was thrilled, Phil was confident I would bring home the trophy. I was less sure. This was not exactly an important school, there were plenty with better records of churning out students galore to Ivy League colleges. I was bound to meet some very stiff competition, especially as most students entered were Seniors, and I tried to explain that to my Mom and Phil, but they both howled me down and told me they knew I was the best.

"I wasn't even the best student at Forks High, Renee, for God's sake. Keep it in perspective," I begged.

"Who was then? Your father said you scored 99% on the entrance exam."

"I did, apparently, but... another student aced it. I was second."

"Well maybe you are better than this other student by now. Who was it?"

"Edward Cullen," I replied, saying his name out loud for the first time since coming here one year and nine months ago. Not that I was counting. His name sounded like an old friend, I wanted to say it over and over again, just to hear it ring in my ears.

The flight to New York was fine, maybe a little terrifying. I know Phil was meaning to be nice when he secured me a window seat but I could see the wings and watched them constantly in case the one on my side fell off mid flight, not that I would know what to do if that happened.

I must have fallen asleep, somehow, because next thing the flight attendant was shaking my shoulder telling me it was all over and I could unclench my teeth and let go of the death grip I had on the armrests at my side.

I staggered into the airport and fought my way through the crowd to collect my ridiculously large bag then went outside to stand in a taxi rank until my turn came and I got into a cab.

We were all staying in some swanky hotel, and I got nervous at the thought of sharing a room with a stranger.

The one thing that never crossed my mind was that Edward could be there, until I walked into the lobby and found myself encased inside somebody's very familiar arms.

He held me like there was no tomorrow, like our very lives depended on us being sandwiched together as close as humanly possible while wearing clothes.

I recognised his scent immediately and laughed with pure joy.

Finally he released me enough for us to be able to pull apart and see one another's faces.

Staring into those emerald green eyes was like coming home to where I truly belonged.

"Bella, my Bella," he gasped and kissed me in a way I had never been kissed before. It was most unlike the gentle first kiss we had shared, even though it had escalated into something more. This kiss was hungry and raw and wild and demanding and possessive.

My bag was dropped somewhere at our feet and when he finally released my mouth from his, I looked around at the sea of faces watching us. Some smiled knowingly, some looked shocked we would do that here in public, some scowled but the only face I cared about was his.

"I have our room key, come with me," he whispered in my ear, pulling me towards the elevator as he grabbed my bag in one hand and my hand in the other.

As the doors closed, I returned his grin and he dropped my luggage and pulled me back into another epic kiss.

I know I should have stopped him but sure, that was really going to happen.

When the doors opened automatically at our floor, he released me and walked us to a door with "Edward Cullen, Washington state", "Isaiah Swan, Florida" on the doortags.

"Isaiah ?" I questioned.

"I had to get us in the same room and they don't allow mixed gender sharing," he said and tossed my bag to join his in the corner.

"You could have been Edwina," I suggested, laughing, almost delirious to be with him again.

"No way in Hell, I shall need all my male appendages for the next three nights, no way am I sacrificing them to be Edwina."

He was watching my face , waiting for my rejection of him again but he was going to be disappointed if that was what he wanted.

"Bella, God, my Bella, I have missed you so much."

I let him pull me down onto the nearest of the twin beds and offered zero resistance as he stripped my clothes away, leaning in to kiss my nipples as my body appeared and those pesky clothes were tossed onto the floor. His own followed hastily and he lifted me inside the sheets and lay his body beside mine, our lips joined the entire manoeuvre.

I know there were things to ask, things to say but my mouth and brain refused to co-operate together and he was stroking all clear thoughts from my head anyway.

My legs were far apart, letting him stroke, and touch and enter inside and ignite my body, and my hand was touching his erection, guiding it to where it should be.

"Bella, God, I have wanted this forever," he said, nuzzling my neck.

"I want you, Edward. Come home to me," I said, and he smiled and kissed me.

"Home," he said as he slid inside me.

I guess I always wondered what making love would be like, especially making love with Edward, and I found out. Every inch of my body buzzed with connection, his lips kissed me everywhere he could reach and scorched my skin, his tongue licked and his lips sucked on my nipples and they felt alive and on fire and my ladies bit sang with joy as he thrust himself in and out, filling me, leaving me empty for a second before coming back in again.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he chanted like some prayer.

His hands grasped my butt cheeks and pulled me in closer, so close you could not fit a feather between us, and his body bucked and worshipped as mine writhed and sought more of him.

It was amazing, incredible, it was as if my old life ended and my new life began again.

His shaft was harder than I had thought something made of mere flesh would be, it was more like steel as it pumped in and out, hitting places nothing had hit before, exciting my clit as he ground his pelvis against me.

It was as if he was trying to hide all of himself inside me, like we would somehow merge and meld and become one entity if we got close enough to one another.

His hands ground and pushed my breasts and molded them to the shape he wanted and they felt so awesome, so filled with passion, so hopeful this would never end. My heart was racing, pounding, filling the air with it's joy, and I shut my brain down and refused to think of the years of repenting I now owed. He was not mine, not really, but at this very point in time, I claimed him. He was mine, I owned him like he owned every breath my body took, every beat my heart made.

The end was spectacular.

Alec had made me feel good in our fumblings together but Edward made every nerve stand on end and ignite, bursting into fireworks as my body couldn't take any more and I shuddered and screamed his name as he lit me on fire from my core outwards.

His body pounded harder and filled me with his fluids and even they could not quench the flame.

He bit down on my shoulder after screaming my own name back at me, and we lay there locked together until our bodies finally relaxed and stilled.

I guess we missed dinner, sleep reached out and grabbed us both as we felt the pulses end, and when I awoke in the early hours, he was still inside me, which was a worry as I really needed to disentangle myself and use the bathroom.

I managed to evict him from inside me but had to pull one of the fat white pillows between our bodies, into his arms, before he let me go enough to slide out of his embrace.

He grasped that poor substitute tightly and mumbled my name to it in his slumber. I smiled then cringed as reality hit me. I could hardly stand upright. God, I was sore. I was bruised, battered, he had squashed my breasts with his hungry hands and they ached now, but the blood was the shocker. I guess I knew but I kind of imagined a light streak, not that my inner thighs would be painted darkly and thickly in deep red.

I turned the bathroom light on and inspected the damage and looked up as a velvety voice spoke from the doorway.

"Are you having your period, Bella?" he asked and I shook my head.

"What the Hell? Then why.."

He dropped to the floor, his back against the doorframe.

"No, you must have been with someone by now, it's been years."

I shook my head again and turned to start the water in the shower. Edward looked up at me.

"Why didn't you stop me? You always wanted your first time to be special, with someone you loved."

"But Edward, it was," I replied.

"Bella, I'm married," he replied, shutting his eyes, tugging at his hair.

"I figured," I answered, looking at him boldly. He frowned and I reached out and touched the gold band I had first seen in the lobby when he led me to the elevator.

"Then why did you let me do that to you?" he asked.

"Because I deserve one of my dreams to come true. I'm not going to beg you to leave Tanya and marry me. I know this is what it is, three nights, no more. It doesn't matter, Edward. It will be the three best nights of my life, that's all. The three best nights."

"What would your mother say about this rebel behaviour if she knew?" Edward asked, half joking.

"Renee was the only baby actually born at Woodstock during the festival, she understands these things," I said. "She is a true Woodstockian."

"Then she was born at Max Yasgur's farm in Bethel. Woodstock was not actually held at a place called Woodstock, just named after the company who organized it. Willkill originally was chosen as the intended host town."

I grabbed him into standing again and kissed him out of going into competition mode, that brain of his never rested. This was not the Edward I needed right now. I pulled him under the water and let him wash my blood from my own body then his.

X~x~X

We sat on the bed together, wrapped in soft fluffy towels, the sheets streaked with the testament of what we had done.

"I can't even offer an apology because I'm not sorry," he said, reaching to stroke my chin.

"I mean, I am sorry I took you without asking and I'm sorry I ruined your dream for you, but I'm just not sorry I made love to you."

"I'm not sorry about any of it," I answered. It was the truth. So, I was an adulterer and would go to Hell. It was worth it for the trip to Heaven we had just been on.

"Wait. You planned this," I said, suddenly realising. The room, the name change, he knew what he was doing.

"I've known for weeks you were coming here. I told myself we would get together and drink coffee. I got here yesterday, this was already my room. I played cards with the doorman and Receptionist last night and won. They changed your booking to Isaiah rather than forfeit their last months wages to me."

"So, you intended this to happen all along."

"I intended sharing my bed with you. I intended holding you inside my arms and kissing you. I swear I never expected to lose my mind and make love to you like that. It was instinctual, it was natural, written in the stars. It was always going to happen sometime, Bella. We were always meant to be together in some way, why not this way?"

"Well here's hoping Tanya sees it this way as well," I said, standing and opening my bag and taking out clean clothes. Phil had insisted I buy everything new and I had a whole bag full of trendy yet businesslike apparel. Very New York, he had assured me.

"Can we not talk about her for these few days we have, please?" he asked. "Tell me again why you didn't stop me."

"Could I have?" I laughed.

"Do you have a gun? Maybe at gunpoint, though maybe I would have taken the bullet and thought it worthwhile," he said, raising his eyebrows and grinning.

He pulled me onto his knee and kissed my lips again.

"I have already sinned, seeing I am going to Hell anyway, I may as well go as a sheep instead of a lamb."

He flicked the bra clasp I had just clipped up undone and took away all the shiny clean the shower had given us.

X~x~X

The competition was tough and as it was televised, I was relieved they sorted us into males and females and we sat a whole side of a studio away from each other. I had no doubt had we sat together, side by side, the entire audience here and in tv land would have known what we had done.

We started out with 24 females and the same amount of males, by the end of the day there were twelve left on each side. Considering I couldn't even raise the necessary energy to care where I rated, it was quite amazing I was one of the twelve still competing.

So was Edward, but he was much more focused on the job in hand than I was.

Dinner was fun, and we got to talk to our fellow competitors and they invited us out clubbing but I was only eighteen years and one day old that day, so I was banded around the wrist with a neon wristband to show the bar staff I wasn't allowed to purchase alcohol.

I have no idea who was in Edward's debt because he wasn't banded at all and he looked an easy twenty one with his height and build and ever present five o'clock shadow so he bought our drinks and I kept my banded hand under the table.

Edward sat so closely that hand had something to play with and he kissed my neck and promised me tonight would be even better than last night, so I was pretty high on anticipation and buzzed gently by the Southern Comfort and Coke by the time we got into our room.

Sex under the influence was wild, I had no inhibitions at all, and we did everything, Edward had entered my every orifice by morning, and I was glad. There was nowhere left for anyone to be 'my first' now, he had claimed me in every possible way.

X~x~X

We ate breakfast as if starved, I guess we were burning calories by the thousands during the nights, and once again we were back competing again.

By lunch, there were six of each gender left, by the end of the competition it was down to Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan, even though there had been some confusion as somehow, they had gotten my name wrong.

We had to stand together side by side and I was amazed to keep up with him, neck and neck, until the final tie breaker.

I got my answer correct and waited for Edward to keep us even and have the competition declared a tie.

"Edward, Woodstock the folk festival was held in 1969 but where? Who owned the actual property?"

Edward smiled at me and I grinned. So easy.

"I believe it was held at Willkill on land owned by Howard Mills Junior," he answered.

"Incorrect. That was the original plan but it was actually held on Max Yasgur's farm in Bethel. That means, Isabella Swan, you are America's Top Student."

I allowed myself to be pulled to the front of the stage and the applause was deafening but all I could think was, Edward let me win. He knew the correct answer, and he made me win instead.

X~x~X

Dinner was quite the celebration and was covered by the media but Edward boldly sat beside me, holding my hand under the table, as we answered a dozen questions then got to eat and I had to accept my trophy as Winner and Edward his as Runner-Up.

He grinned every time I tried to argue and he shut me up by kissing me each time I said I was telling someone what he had done.

"You deserve this, though it was tempting to have both our names recorded together as joint-winners, but it will mean more to Charlie and Renee if you are victorious alone, Bella. Let me give you this one gift."

I gave up, and our last night together was suddenly upon us.

"No tears, remember, three nights we get to cherish in our hearts together forever," he said, kissing the tears already on my cheeks as he entered my body. "Something we can share between only us, something no-one else is part of or knows about. No matter if we never see one another again, we will always have this, Bella, this is our Paris."

I had many Edward's that night. Edward the sweet and gentle loving soulmate , Edward the wild and raw lover, Edward the desperate clingy man who was regretting his earlier choices in life.

By morning I was all cried out, but I had no regrets, not a single one. Not even for stealing Edward from his wife for three nights. She had him forever, we had just the blink of an eye but it was our time and I would never forget it.

We both knew the rules and made no plans to ever meet again, no promises, no words of hope, there was no hope. No declarations.

We were showered dressed and packed ready to take our respective cabs to the airport when Edward suddenly pulled me into his arms as I went to open that bedroom door for the last time.

"Know this, I have always loved you,more than anyone else in the world, I will always love you the most, and you are mine, Bella, no matter who meets you at the other end of this journey and claims you as his. You will never be his, not truly, because you are mine. My Bella, remember that."

"I love you, Edward, with all my heart," I replied simply, as we opened the door and walked out of each other's lives again...

X~x~X

I was asleep on the plane, no surprise there, when suddenly I was hit by a bolt of lightning. Holy Fuck, when was my period due, because we had not even thought of contraception. There was no way I was using the Morning After Pill, anyway it's name implied it was not useful for three mornings after anyway.

The only thing I could think of was to get home and give in to Alec's demands and hope everyone accepted any baby that came from this little adventure as his, even if it had green eyes and copper hair.

Seeing him standing there at the airport, waiting for me, I knew I could never do that. He didn't deserve to be deceived and I didn't want anyone else inside my body now Edward had been there.

I spent the drive home rehearsing in my brain.

_Alec, we can't see each other any more._

_Alec, I'm sorry but I love somebody else._

_Alec, the thing is, I would rather have nobody than try and replace Edward._

All I knew was, there would never be more between Alec and I and I owed him to tell him that and set him free.

I would stew in my own juices if there was a price to pay for my three nights of bliss.


	5. Chapter 5

The Waiting Game

Chapter 5

The Baby

Bella's POV

For once, waiting was not the usually boring thing it normally was. I was waiting for a period I hoped would not show because I was ready, I wanted Edward's baby.

I was aware I would be letting everybody down, maybe Renee would be the only one who understood what was happening here was not an epic disaster. Charlie would be so high still about me winning that title then dashed when he heard I had 'thrown my life away' by sleeping with a married man, no less. It couldn't have been a schoolgirl romance that caused a quickie marriage to my young but devoted schoolboy boyfriend, nothing so simple.

No, Bella Swan prefers to totally go the hard road and have an illegitimate baby to a man she loves but can't have because that's just so much better.

In the back of my mind was the tiny hope this baby would be the catalyst that forced Edward to look at his options and leave Tanya and come and marry me.

It would be the right thing to do. We never had to return to Forks, nobody here knew anything about him, he could just be my long distance boyfriend that moved to Jacksonville at last. Even Alec suspected Edward existed. There would be a few blushes on my face when I explained we had never really parted, but had not been exclusive, thus my dating Alec, and leave out the whole marriage to Tanya scenario.

I ticked off the days on the calendar and felt close to bursting by the time the due date for my next bleed showed.

Today was the day, the day I lost the dream or had real hope Edward had given me a baby.

I was distracted at school and went to the girl's bathroom a dozen times to check.

Nothing.

The next day was the same, and the next.

By the time a whole ten days had elapsed I knew.

I was pregnant.

I had to tell Edward, tell my Mom, start buying things for our daughter.

Chelsea came home with me after school, she was sure something epic was happening but I couldn't tell her before I told Edward. It was our news to share.

Fate stuck her foot in again, and Chelsea received a phone call on our way home that was too fortuitous to be true. Her older sister had just given birth to her first child.

"Bella, we have baby shopping to do. I have to buy my niece something outlandishly frilly and nauseatingly pink because Megan and Todd will dress her all gender neutral, they are those type of people. Come help me?"

"Sure, Chelsea, looking through a baby store for girl's clothes is exactly what I wanted to do this afternoon," I said honestly.

She looked at me sharply.

"Is that sarcasm? You don't have to come."

"No, I genuinely want to look at little baby garments. I love looking at baby clothes."

Well, I never had done it before but now I couldn't wait.

Chelsea knew the best store in town and we squealed in glee at the tiny pink dresses and lacy covered diaper pants you put on over a disposable so it looked cute. Bonnets, little pink sox with rosebuds, pink blankets edged in satin ribbon, we had a basket full each by the time she slowed down.

"Hey, you are not buying all that in your basket for my sister's kid, right? You don't even know Meg."

"I have a friend who is pregnant," I lied. "I know she will have a girl, and I want to get a head start."

The credit card Phil insisted I use got a battering and we both carried our bags of candyfloss pink delights to the car.

I dropped Chelsea at her house and raced home to go through my purchases again, in the privacy of my bedroom.

I lay little complete outfits on my bed and matched up which socks went with which shoes, and which dress was the best match with each little tiny set of the footwear.

When Renee came home, I bundled everything hurriedly into a box and slid it under my bed. As much as I wanted to tell her, I had to do things right and tell Edward first.

He was going to be a Dad!

This was the best news ever.

A tiny doubt about whether he would see this as good news tried to enter my consciousness but I pushed it away. Of course he would be happy. He loved me best of anyone in the world, he admitted that, he would want our baby.

Even if the unthinkable happened and he didn't leave Tanya, I would have his daughter. He would have to at least visit her and buy her things. He would never turn his back on his own child, he was not that kind of person. I knew that. I knew him. A child would be the cement that held us together. Edward would always do the right thing by his baby, he would always stay with the mother and give that little girl the best life he could manage.

That night was the first night I dreamt of Renesmee Cullen.

I saw her clearly, a perfect little angel in Edward's arms, so soft, so pink, with a pretty heart shaped face and red tinted ringlets on her head and she was sleeping soundly so I didn't get to see her eyes. Were they the same as his beautiful emerald green eyes? Or my eyes? I wanted her to look like us both, but inherit his prettiness. Maybe she could have my eyes, he loved my eyes.

They were my best feature, so, yes, my eyes. Blue was probably not an eye color Edward and I could produce together. Green, brown, hazel, I had a feeling they were our only options.

I don't know how I knew her name, I just did, and it was perfect and it would bond both Esme and Renee to her closely.

We were going to be so very happy together, the perfect little family.

We would forget the past, from now on his marriage to her was nothing, it was as good as over. He would do the right thing, Edward would never deny his own child the right to a two parent family.

Renesmee smiled and puckered her lips into a kiss and faded away as my eyes flickered open as I sat up in bed.

No.

Not happening.

I clutched my abdomen and looked frantically between my legs.

How can a period be ten days late? That was just unfair. I stumbled into my bathroom and cried for the whole time I was in the shower, watching the water turn crimson as it washed away the blood.

How can Renesmee not exist? She came to me, she was in my dream, I didn't invent her. I had seen her as clearly as if she was here in this room with me, and she told me her name somehow and Edward had held her in his arms and kissed her little face.

She existed.

She had to.

X~x~X

Edward's POV

The plane trip home was Hell. I just wanted to pull a gun on the pilot and demand he take me to Florida instead of Seattle.

Fuck, when I fucked up, I did a proper job of it. No half measures for Edward Cullen.

All those long months without Bella had made me miss her more than anyone could imagine.

I missed her smile, her deep brown eyes, her warm arms around me in her bed, her lips especially when they were pressed to mine for that first kiss.

Funny how a single kiss with the right girl can eclipse all memories of sex with the wrong one. I knew I made a massive error in judgement marrying Tanya from the moment the "I do" left my lips, and now I wanted to go back and have a do-over.

My parents had told me so many times not to get married until I finished both high school and college but no, I knew better. I could and I would and now I had to pay for that mistake.

At least now I know why nobody gets married in High School. Your heart and brain are too immature to make a real decision, and stick with it. Both change day by day. I really had imagined myself in love with Tanya, though I always knew my feelings for Bella had been stronger.

But Bella rejected me, she didn't want me and my pride could not cope with that. I turned to Tanya because she had always wanted me, it was a no effort relationship, not on my part. She demanded more later but at the start, she was so grateful to get away from her sisters and into a place that was civilisation by comparison to where she lived, I could ask anything of her and give little in return. I had so little to give, so much of me was consumed by my love for Bella. I tried to stomp it down and hide it away somewhere in my heart, it was too painful to love her as much as I did and have no hope of being with her. Knowing she was going to sleep with someone else completely did my head in, I admit. It pushed me right over the line.

My dreams were nightmares, full of faceless men sleeping with my girl, taking her gift, lying to be in her bed. James was always there on the edge of the dream, laughing, waiting, tormenting me.

"Could be me Edward. I can act all virginal you know. Oh Bella, I have never been with anyone and I love you so much, now open those legs, girl!"

I tried to escape by turning to Tanya. Ironically Tanya and I were nearly done anyway but then Bella disappeared.

After Bella left I went to Florida and looked for her so many times. Nobody knew, except Carlisle, he pulled me into his study repeatedly about the plane fares l charged on the credit card he had given me. Alice knew I had been twice but nobody but Carlisle knew the real number of times I had been there when I was supposedly elsewhere.

Even mid week I cut school to go fly in a plane for five hours and sit in cabs outside High Schools and watch the students file out the gates then arrive home by midnight, exhausted, but I never found her. Jacksonville High was one of the schools I never visited.

I had excuses, lame as they were. My car 'broke down' out of town regularly. It took hours to get roadside assistance, everyone knew how slack those servicemen were.

Carlisle even suggested maybe I spend some of the wasted air fare money on fixing my car instead if it was so unreliable. He knew the truth. The car was fine, his son was broken.

I had to find Bella to regain my sanity and when I didn't, I guess I decided I had to make the best of what was on offer so I recklessly married Tanya. She was there, she was willing. She was the only girl I had slept with.

I told myself it would be fine.

I had used her to try and get Bella back and that had backfired in my face. Once Tanya and I were fucking like rabbits, my brain even deluded itself that what we shared was love and I let the girl I really love walk away because I was thinking with my penis, not my heart.

If Bella had only known how those few stolen hours in the coffee shop each Saturday gave me the strength to keep going, to keep up the charade I was happy. I told her repeatedly I was happy. I told her Tanya made me happy.

I was never happy.

I was getting a lot of sex, I was satisfied in bed, but it was empty and meaningless sex until I told myself it had to be good, it had to be great and meaningful because it was all I was going to ever have. I made love to the girl inside my head instead of the one in my bed, and suddenly it was meaningful, in a twisted way.

I was inside the girl I loved with all my heart, so lovemaking was wonderful, so long as Tanya did not speak and break the illusion. I told her I loved it when she was so into it she didn't make a sound so she tried to keep her moans inside her own head and it was as close to perfect as it could be, with the wrong girl.

I would never really have Bella, I had to face that.

Once she gave herself to someone else, someone 'worthy', I would have to cope with the knowledge she had loved him.

She would never just toss her virginity away. It was her gift and whoever got it was one lucky bastard.

I hated him already.

When the whole quiz thing came up, I was so uninterested it was laughable. I cared little for my schoolwork but it still stayed at 100% because my fucking brain never forgets anything.

It was like I became a computer, spewing out the data they wanted, and so I was actually going to the Principal's office to tell him I wasn't interested in competing. I walked into the outer office and he was sitting on his secretary's desk.

"Here's the man of the moment. I know you can bring this trophy home, Edward. I have been looking up the school records of the other competitors and none of them get consisted perfect scores like you do. Oh, Isabella Swan is a contestant. I saw her name listed for Florida and her marks have improved, little that they could. She could be your biggest threat, Edward. Come into my office and we will fill in the forms."

Isabella Swan. The one motivation needed to get me in, and make me work my ass off to stay in the running.

I had to reign in my fantasies and swear this would be simply a reunion of good friends because I could not fuck with her heart or mine. We would have coffee, share a bed, kiss, maybe touch in ways that did not involve true cheating on Tanya. We could kiss one another again, that was all I wanted, and share our love and not break my vows physically, only emotionally.

I was an idiot to believe we could restrict ourselves to that.

The minute I saw her I knew the truth and I knew she knew as well. We denied it, we played the game, we pretended this was what it was, but it never felt like cheating, it felt like coming home. What I did with my wife was the cheating part and would never happen again. Legalities don't come into it, you know the truth in your heart and I had just spent three nights with my reason for existing.

The last three days and nights had shown me another so obvious truth. I could not summon up enough feelings for my wife to remain faithful to her when Bella was around therefore I needed to fix things.

We had to talk and decide what to do. I knew what I wanted to do.

Get divorced, finish High School, (how bizarre they sounded together), and go to the same college as wherever Bella went and learn some patience. I was not running from one marriage to another but I did want Bella to one day be my true wife one day in the future. I wanted to savour every step of the journey, be young, free and single again, and show my love for the woman who was my soulmate. I had to do whatever it took to achieve that goal because that was nirvana.

I hoped she had no rules against divorced men because that was another mistake I could not erase, only amend.

My car was waiting for me at the airport and I drove straight home, needing to start the ball rolling.

The apartment was dark and silent and I wondered if I should just pack and sneak off like some coward, so I went to our bathroom to have a shower before I did anything rash.

I wanted out, there was no question, but I wanted to do things properly and try not to hurt Tanya any more than necessary.

She had no parents to rush back to for support, only her sisters.

Even though Esme and Carlisle had been against the marriage I had a feeling they would expect me to make it work and not just expect my wife to end it because it had never been what I really wanted.

I had promised to love Tanya forever, that was not possible, I had tried. I had attempted to mix my brain up so the woman I was married to had the qualities of the one I loved but that was just an illusion. I had to right the wrong and I had to get things right this time.

"Hello, you home, Edward?" called Emmett and I turned the shower back off and pulled my shirt back on, walking out to greet the friends who may be able to help me get things right again.

Emm and Jasper walked in and Emmett put his carton of beer on the coffee table.

"So, Runner up. What's the story, that last answer was obvious, I know you knew it, we have talked about it before."

"He wanted Bella to win," Jasper stated. Jasper has always known the truth, no matter how hard I denied it to myself. Jasper sees things as they are, not how we present them to the world.

I had forgotten all about the competition. There were so many more important issues on my mind.

"She looked good, hot," Emmett said, winking at me."So, did you finally nail her?"

"Emmett, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life so far but being with Bella is not one of them. Don't reduce this to some dirty weekend away from the wife. I have betrayed my wedding vows and I did it knowingly and I don't regret it for one minute. I love Bella a far more than I ever liked Tanya and now I need to face up to that and I want you two to stand by me and help me sort this mess out."

"What's the plan? Jasper asked. His smile told me he was glad I was finally doing what had to be done.

I shrugged.

"Divorce, then a period of celibacy to get my head straight then I plan to ask Bella Swan to be my girlfriend. When we are in college together. I have to get in touch with her, that damned Alice has some fake email account set up and I can't find the real one."

"Whoa, you tapped Bella-baby and came home without her email address? You got her phone number, right?" Emmett barked.

I shook my head.

"Okay I am an idiot but when we were together, neither of us thought beyond the next night , we were in our own little bubble, and I fully intended going on as before, just loving Bella in secret.

She was a virgin, I got to be her first. You both know how much I have angsted over the man who got to take that gift from her. Well, I am that lucky bastard.

It's erased everything I ever did with Tanya out of my head.

Now I can clearly sort the two feelings.

Tanya makes me feel lust, Bella makes me feel love, though I admit there was some lust involved as well. She made me feel the whole deal. I had no idea it could be like that.

I always thought sex was about us getting off, but sex with Bella was like uniting with her soul. It was like nobody and nothing else existed, just us. I now know what becoming one with another person means. It's not marriage, the legal ceremony, it's being joined in every way, by minds, bodies, thoughts, feelings. Everything else is truly nothing by comparison.

It was on the plane I realised I would never be able to touch Tanya again now I have been with Bella. If I can't be with her then I would rather be alone, but I think Bella wants to be with me."

Emmett handed out beers and we drank silently.

"We need to fix this fuck up, and fast," Emm said."I always knew you loved my little Bella-rina. You have been a first class moron, and we sat by and let it happen. We all hurt her so bad she had to leave. We need to bring her home, Edward. We need to get that woman out of your bed and bring home our Bella."

"I will get you the email address, I know Alice will tell me if I explain everything. She never liked Tanya, you know that. I bet Alice will be right on your side during this, Edward. It's not going to have to be complicated, just tell your wife you love Bella and you cheated on her and she will probably throw you out the door and save you asking for a divorce anyway."

Jasper had a point.

He excused himself to use the bathroom and came back a few minutes later, looking grim.

"Complication," he said, tossing a very positive pregnancy test stick onto the table in front of us.

I picked it up.

"Where did you get this? We are not trying to have a baby, for God's sake I am nineteen years old."

"Yet married, with your own place and your own car and everything you need already. Maybe she wants to surprise you."

"Fuck my life," I said, walking to the window and staring out at the rain and clouds and chilly horizon.

Caught in a trap of my own making.

X~x~X

Tanya stood at the door and smiled.

"Emmett, Jasper, I have something to share with my husband, so I wonder if you two could come back tomorrow or something? Thanks."

The guys must have gone, because next thing it was just us.

I have never felt so completely defeated in all my life. I sat there and waited for the words that would keep me from my Bella and cement me to the woman in front of me.

"Eddie, I have a wonderful surprise for you. I'm pregnant. We are going to have a baby!"

I looked at her face, she was avoiding my eyes and I briefly hoped she was lying but the stick had read positive.

"We didn't discuss kids, it's a little early to be doing this, don't you think?" I replied. "We are nineteen, kind of young to be entrusted with raising a child."

"Eddie, I am having this baby, I don't give a shit what you say. I need it, I have to have something, some part of...of you, of course, some part of you."

"I am married to you, you do have part of me," I replied, bewildered."Did you do this to tie me to you? "

"I just need this baby, I need someone who will love me. I know you love Bella Swan. I know you have been fucking her, nobody watching the two of you on that show could fail to see what was going on."

"That's not the reason you did this, you were pregnant before I left, obviously. I don't understand what's going on here."

" You think I didn't know you love her? You moan her fucking name in bed when you are inside me, Edward. You talk in your sleep. Okay, go to her. Enjoy yourself. I will go home to Alaska and raise our child alone."

"Tanya, let's talk about this. I admit I did sleep with Bella and I know I shouldn't have betrayed you like that. I'm truly sorry if this hurts you."

"You can't hurt me, Edward, you don't have that power. Plenty of better men than you have hurt me, used me and tossed me aside. I don't care about you fucking your whore, but it had better be over and done with, we are having this kid and you are going to be a father so your dick stays in your pants from now on."

"We need to talk about that. I love Bella, she is not my whore. She has asked nothing of me, she knows I am married to you, and she was just reaching out for something to have between us. We never got to be what we wanted to be earlier, we got carried away and I am sorry for not keeping my vows but I think we need to face up to the fact I love her. I will be with her one day once we sort out what we should do but I want to be part of my child's life as well."

"Then Eddie, you have a decision to make. You want this kid, then you stay with me and play happy families or you never see it, ever. I have other places I can live that you know nothing about, I can disappear and you would never find me. You couldn't find Bella in Jacksonville, how would you find me in the whole of Alaska? My sisters may not want me around but I will show Kate. And you. Fuck with me you pay, big time, Edward. Maybe I will send Esme a photo each year so she can cry over her first grandchild."

"Tanya, we need to be sensible. We are nowhere near stable enough to raise a child but I won't abandon you while you need me. I will stay until the baby is born but then we have to decide how it will work. Joint custody, whatever. I'm not willing to live a lie my whole life."

"Plenty of people do, Eddie. Plenty of men live their whole life as one big lie," she said, tears filling her eyes.

"Tanya, tell me honestly, please. Is this my child? I won't be angry, I can hardly blame you for doing the same thing I did myself. I will help you, support you both if there's another man who won't step up and take responsibility."

She wiped the tears from her eyes angrily and turned away.

"Of course it's your child. We are married, any issue of the marriage is deemed the husband's unless someone else makes a claim for paternity and that won't happen."

"Tanya, please, just tell me the truth."

"Eddie, you need to wise up. Choose your mistress or your child because you can't have both. If this is your kid and I disappear you will never know what happened to it."

"So there's a chance it isn't mine."

"One small chance, Eddie, but I have never been that lucky, have I? I have never had a man love me like you love her. It's bound to be yours because that's just how my luck is."

"Who's the other possible father, Tanya? Are you still involved with him?"

"If I was, would I be here with you? If he wanted me like he pretended to, I would not have come back. She won, I lost, story of my life."

"Bella? Do you mean Bella won?"

"Yeah, sure, Bella. Make a decision, this kids almost certainly yours, the only reason I didn't just get rid of it is the slight chance it could be his. I got rid of your last little mistake, Edward. Do you want me to get rid of this one, too?"

I didn't know how to react to that. I was staggered.

"You owe me, you left me pregnant when I was fourteen years old and Kate had to arrange everything. Good old Kate, always there to help Tanya's babies get killed. I had no say. If this is not yours then Kate will finally get to pay big time."

"I left you pregnant?"

"I was sleeping with Garrett and thought I could be pregnant to him, it was only after you fucked me and I saw the blood and knew my period had started that I realised it had all been pointless, I wasn't pregnant to him after all. Naturally Fate then made sure I did get pregnant, to you."

"You siad you were on The Pill."

"I also said I was a virgin. I needed a fall guy if I was pregnant. Garrett was twenty eight years old, he would have lost everything if Kate knew her boyfriend was fucking her fourteen year old sister. She would have sent him to prison. At least you were my age, we would have gotten counselled at most if anyone found out, but they didn't. Kate knew a place where they took your cash and asked no questions."

"You had my child aborted without telling me?"

"Edward, you are whining about becoming a father at nineteen, you wouldn't have wanted to know at fourteen years old."

"So I'm the fall guy again for Garrett? If it's his you keep up and spit in Kate's face. And if it's mine?"

"You can have it, Edward, You can have it all to yourself, so long as you stay with me until the birth. I will be leaving you then anyway, either with Garrett's child or without yours. Leave me now and you will never know what I do with it if it's yours. And don't tell your family or your friends or your whore or I am gone."

X~x~X

"What can I do? Can she do this? " I asked Jasper. Jasper is going to do law and already he knows more than most lawyers ever will.

I had to tell someone and he will keep it secret.

"You can get a court order but that won't help you try and find her in Alaska. You should get a DNA test as soon as the kid is born to prove paternity. Then she can't deny you your rights."

"She doesn't intend denying me my rights, she said I can have full custody if it's mine. I'm just scared if I leave her now she will disappear and I will never know. So, we stay together, but in a completely platonic way, until the birth ?"

Waiting, once again, waiting.

"You should stay then, keep the marriage intact until the delivery and the test. Keep her happy so she stays and doesn't do a runner."

"I can't sleep with her, Jasper. As insane as this may sound, that would be adultery. I belong to Bella in every way that means anything. I could never sleep with Tanya or anyone else."

"I know, I bet if you could go back in time, you would choose the day you slept with Tanya in the first place and keep your dick in your pants."

"You have gotten that right," I sighed. "Though to be honest, if I could go back in time and change only one thing, I would keep Alice home with us that day when we were fourteen and that fucker hurt her, Jas. This mess with Tanya is of my own making and fixable, but Alice will never be the girl she was before that atrocity happened. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is killing my Mom. I think we all know Alice will remember, then her life may be as good as over. That's the wrong I would right."

Jasper did something we men had never done before, he took me in his arms and hugged me.

Suddenly we both laughed and jumped back and threw our chests out, nothing gay about us, we are men! His eyes though, told me he really did know how much I loved my sister and how true my statement had been. Imagine a life where Jasper was Alice's first, and he didn't have to worry every time he made love to her that something he did or said would flick that switch and trigger the event that had destroyed her innocence.

Jasper had only ever been with Alice. He had told us at fourteen he was screwing Maria, she was sixteen and had a reputation already therefore was thought to be quite a feather in your cap if you banged her but it was only schoolboy boasting. She liked him and was always sniffing around, so we believed him. He knew Emmett was getting plenty and he didn't want to be thought the pussy of the group. Unknowingly his lie had spurred me to to not be that pussy either and I had recklessly bedded Tanya. I don't blame him at all, I made my own immature decision to have sex to be one of the 'men' and afterwards I never even looked for anyone else to fuck. I had done the deed, I had nothing more to prove.

I knew I was way out of my depth and should not have been getting into anyone's bed at my age and I was glad it was over and I could come home at the end of break and go back to being the me I understood and could cope with. I chose Tanya mainly because she suggested it in the first place and lived so far away thus there was no way we could do it again or have to be more than friends. We both lost interest in that friendship , maybe because of my embarrassing fumbling, it was hardly A grade quality sex. I do remember it was very short, like minutes and there was no way Tanya got anything out of it. I had no idea what I was doing, Tanya showed me what went in where, she seemed very clued in but she bled the first time so I did believe she had been a virgin. She did steal two condoms from Kate's room for the other times she let me fuck her before the end of break.

Kate was with Garrett even back then.

I rarely thought about it afterwards, it really had meant nothing more than the respect I got from the boys for 'doing it' already. Unlike Emmett, it had not sent me into more beds than we would ever know about, but so many girls at school followed him around, he was enjoying quite a variety. Then he moved onto older girls and even women. Built like he was, I can only assume they had no idea of his true age.

When Tanya came to Forks, there was no doubt she had slept with a lot of men in the interval and was way more experienced, she taught me things I had never dreamed of, and often yelled the wrong name when she came so I felt little guilt for calling out Bella's at times. I think we were both mentally with other people. I was the wrong guy as much as she was the wrong girl. I did wonder why she yelled Garrett's name seeing he was now married to her sister Kate, I assumed it was the result of her fantasizing about him, not a sign he had been banging her.

Kate had been the one to suggest Tanya come live with our family and attend Forks High, I just took advantage of the situation, though never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would ever come to this.

Tanya dragged me outside and banged me against a tree at Bella's party and my wonderfully clever brain shut down and my dick took over it's role of thinking. Clearly someone had taught her well, she was quite the expert and she turned my life to one filled and clouded with lust. Any boy of eighteen wants a hot sexy woman to desire him and fuck his brains out, I was no different.

Marrying her meant I got to secure myself a lot of that sex and it was worth the price at the time. I had grown up since then and sex had lost it's place at the top of my list of needs and desires. I hadn't done anything much differently to most guys my age, they all fuck around madly before feeling a connection with a girl they really want to be with. I just put a ring on my fuckbuddy.

Sleeping in the guestroom was a relief, and I locked the door every night in case Tanya got any ideas about reconciliations. I had no intention of returning to her bed, no matter what happened in the future, I was honest when I said I would rather be alone than with anyone but Bella.

Maybe Bella and I will never happen, maybe I fucked up too much already, but suddenly the desperation I'd felt when she left to claim someone for myself was so ridiculous. I had years to find another girl, I should never have reacted that way. You can't replace the woman you love with somebody else.

X~x~X

Bella's POV

The week of bleeding was the most painful week of my life to date, I dare say Fate will fuck me over worse in the future, but it was as if I lost a baby, not just didn't conceive one. My Mom picked up on the sadness and lay on my bed, rubbing my back and telling me how many years she and Phil had tried to have a baby of their own and not managed to conceive at all.

I told her about Edward and how he was married and she said she understood and maybe now I could see why she left Charlie?

If Edward left Tanya, it would be the right thing to do, because he loved me more than he loved her. Renee loved Phil the moment she met him, far more than she ever loved my Dad so it had been right to go. I had to admit now I did understand.

Sometimes people took the wrong path in life and they had to change direction and go find the right one.

X~x~X

Edward's POV

Jasper got me Bella's email address and I immediately sent her a message. I was unsure how to say that I was committed to staying with my wife for a limited time span but no more, without explaining anything. I would not risk Tanya leaving until I knew if it was my baby and for all I knew, maybe she could read my emails.

_Dear Bella, I miss you so much. My dreams are full of you and those three days and nights. I meant every word I said, I love you with all my heart and somehow, someday, we will be together, I promise you that._

_I have to tell you something that will hurt you, but please don't give up on me, on us._

_Tanya is pregnant._

_I wish I could tell you it definitely isn't my baby but it probably is. Please understand, I had no hope of seeing you again or making you mine so yes, I have been sleeping with Tanya but not since I was with you. I swear that will never happen again. Now I have been with you, I could never touch her again, or any other woman._

_There will be a way for us to be together some day, my Bella. I love you, please answer this, I need to talk to you. We can stay friends, please say so, until this mess is over? I really need to hear from you._

_All my love, every single scrap of it, Edward xxx_

X~x~X

Rosalies POV

I pulled that hateful stick out from in my underwear drawer and looked at it again. I had hoped by keeping it long enough, it would magically change color and become negative. Three months has gone by and it still holds the smiley face brightly and clearly. It wasn't going anywhere. This would be fine some day, in the future, even during college but High School? This would not be pretty. My mother would shit a brick. "I did not raise you to get pregnant in High School Rosalie. What will the neighbors think?" I don't know, Mother, what did they think when you got pregnant with me in Junior Year?

Fuck, I am turning into my fucking mother, making all the same mistakes she had.

At least I know who this baby's father was, unlike my own father. He was one of many candidates, they didn't used to do paternity tests back then. Maybe Mother had picked the right man, she chose him by the size of his expected inheritance and told him he was the only one she had been screwing so I must be his.

Should I tell Emmett? He loves me, he wouldn't make me get rid of it. Do I even want it? I need to talk to someone. Maybe Edward.

He was still my friend, after all this time.

I guess sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. When Edward married Tanya I knew I had to face facts, he was gone, taken, off the market. I also knew he was an A grade fool because he may not wish to admit it, but he still loves Bella Swan.

I have stared into those eyes of his for so many years now, I can read them as plainly as any book. All this romantic crap he carried on with Tanya, he should be able to see his own face when he looks at her. It's like I looked for so long knowing I would never have the man I wanted most in the universe.

He settled, plain and simple. He grabbed onto Tanya and deluded himself that she could be the one. Some days he would sit and stare into space and I'd know where his mind was, even if he would never admit it. I think he used Tanya to try and erase Bella but it isn't that easy.

He goes into the library every lunchtime 'to study' because we all know the brightest boy in the state needs to study. He sits in the same chair always and nobody else ever sits in that chair or in the one beside because it's the absent Bella's chair. He has a photographic memory and while I know it keeps him top of the class, it also means he has to see Bella Swan over and over in his head, in perfect clarity. He will never have the peace of her image fading. Emmett says that has it's advantages because although Edward gets plenty from Tanya, Emmett has overheard him doing that thing teenage boys do in the stall in the boys bathroom and let's just say it isn't Tanya's name he mutters as he releases.

He misses Bella dreadfully, sometimes if you watch him you will see he has to force himself to keep breathing if anyone mentions her name. He will stand and march away and go lean against something outside, a wall, his car, and the look on his face is what you see on a dying man's face when he knows there is no hope.

Emmett gave him a joke gift in secret on his birthday, a rubber bracelet thing like the Christian kids wear , theirs have WWJD, his has WWBD. It was meant to be a lighthearted joke but he wears it, and flicks it unconsciously and I swear tears try to form in his eyes.

He disappears some weekends, Alice swears he goes to Florida and walks the beaches and shops looking for her. He says he goes to the Cullen cottage in the forest to study.

Emmett and I know for a fact that is not true because we use that cottage for other purposes all together.

Tanya doesn't care, she gets a weekend free she is off to Seattle to shop. She spends his money like the world will end if she doesn't keep the fashion industry afloat by buying every dress available. Not that she wears many of them, and if she does, they get one airing then she hands them off to anyone who wants them. It would never do for her to be seen in the same outfit twice.

Jessica and Lauren, who used to be the plainest girls in school, are now the best dressed after Tanya as she seems to enjoy giving them her castoffs and making snide remarks about how they would never be able to choose anything nearly as tasteful, and like they could afford a single dress at the prices she pays for them.

I don't like her but that's only to be expected. I mean, my heart changed and I am more in love with Emmett than I ever was with Edward, maybe because Emmett loves me back so enthusiastically, I don't know. I just know this great big hulking man is my destiny and I shudder at what I may have done, trying to push him and Bella together because had it worked, had Edward chosen me, one day that house of cards would have come tumbling down and Bella and I would have had to swap Cullen brothers to be with the one we were meant to have from the start.

I can't wait to talk to Edward about New York. Everyone else was all 'go Edward' when he was on TV , I was watching his eyes and they told a story none of his family picked up on. Have you ever seen someone that fucking happy to LOSE? Come on, people, he had been in her bed, and I hope this means shit is going to change and Tanya is outa here, because I want Edward to be happy and for that to happen, he has to clean up his mess and bring his girl home to us all.

Who'd have thought I'd miss Bella? At least she would have some words of wisdom about this pregnancy and stand by me.

Bella would never get herself in this mess. I wish I had her brains.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

James lay back on the bed and smirked at the naked woman beside him.

"So, did you miss me? I can't hang about long, I have a little matter of those fucking Cullen's having every cop in the state watching out for me."

"You shouldn't have touched that kid, James. It was your own fault. What did you see in her, anyway? No woman has ever turned you down, why chase after jail bait?"

"I liked the look in her eyes. I was just going to talk to her, ask about that twat of a brother of hers, and she looked at me with eyes filled with the greatest fear I have ever seen. It turned me on something fierce. I had to have her."

"You did it to hurt her brother, admit it."

"That may have come into it. Him and his "friends". Think they are better than me, always have. Probably spend every night fucking one another. They all look gay."

"Then why did you spend our entire childhood trying to get into their pathetic little gang?" Victoria asked.

"I saw everyone thought they were cool and I wanted to be cool by association."

"Yeah, well they had your number. You were a cruel little shit even back in kindergarten. Edward could see you for what you were. And the creepy one, Jasper, he just looks at you like you are naked and have no defenses to hide behind. He's a freak. I kind of like Emmett though. I hear he knows how to give a girl a good time."

"Yeah, well don't go getting pregnant to him. We have enough to deal with."

"Shut the fuck up James and let it go. I made a mistake, one mistake in all the years you have been fucking me. I thought the Pill was 100% and I fixed things, so shut the fuck up and stop throwing it in my face."

"So, was the abortion scary? Painful?"

"You would like it to have been. I miscarried, your genes are probably too twisted to make a normal baby."

"You miscarried? I told you to get rid of it. You weren't going to keep it, were you?"

"No, as if. I went to a private adoption agency, I was going to hand the kid over and get paid 'reasonable living expenses' for the pregnancy, at least make a few bucks seeing you can't exactly list a baby for sale on eBay."

"How much?"

"Couple of grand. I just needed to prove I couldn't work and they would compensate me for missed wages and my rent and all the doctor and hospital expenses. I could have made a nice profit."

"But you lost it? Did they pay you anything up front?"

"Not a lot. I have made sure to stay away from that part of town, I don't have the money to pay them back."

"And you don't have the kid to hand over?"

"Right, James. Do I look pregnant? I mean, I am naked here. I would be showing by now if I was still pregnant. I'd be three and a half months along by now."

"Maybe it's worth doing again? Find out exactly how much they would pay you. White kid, people pay big for that."

"I'm not having a baby to sell. The conception was an accident."

"Yeah but James here is having an idea. Find out for me."


	6. Chapter 6

**Some chapters will be short, some long, I'm writing this story all out of order so may not have the 'next' chapter to update daily even though there are more written already.**

The Waiting Game

Chapter 6

The Right Thing

"Rosie, we are having this baby and keeping it," Emmett said, wiping the tears from Rose's face. "I know what the right thing to do is, and we are going to do just that. It will be okay, I will be here and we will get married , as soon as this school year is done. I will be eighteen by then and we can do what we want. And I want to marry you. You love me, don't you? You will love our baby, Rose. I love it already. I wish you had told me straight away. You shouldn't have been worrying about this all alone."

"I should have known you would do the right thing. You always do the right thing, don't you, Emmett?"

"I try but to be honest, I once did something that seemed really right and it came back to burn someone I love dearly. I still have nightmares. I really should have walked away and let him drown. I was the only one of us strong enough to save him and had I known …."

Rose rubbed his back.

"I guess the right thing is not always obvious."

"Well, it is this time. Come on, come to bed. Come and let Emmett make you feel better."

Rose nodded and dropped her dress and bra to the ground and slid into her bed beside Emmett. They would be able to get a place together. She had that little clapboard house her father left her in his Will, free and clear.

She suspected it had been his love nest, or sex nest more accurately but they could burn the mattress off the double bed and buy a new one. There were three bedrooms though the third was tiny and more of a study, but it held two desks and a filing cabinet and room for their laptops and text books. The second bedroom was as large as the main and would make a perfect nursery. It was empty at the moment but they could buy what they needed a little at a time. Emmett had his job at the bar evenings and she had a trust fund that matured on her eighteenth birthday, just months away.

They could still go to school and do Senior Year, it was probably walking distance if you cut through that kid's playground that the building backed onto. The house was fully furnished and in a nice part of town and it was sitting there empty.

"Emmett, do you want us to live together?" she asked.

"Of course but we may need to hold off until I can get another job. Maybe I should quit school, it's not like I'm doing brilliantly like you do."

"I think maybe we can afford to both stay at school if we move into the house my Dad left me. Mother says no Hale is living in a clapboard house while she lives and breathes but once she knows I am pregnant, I imagine she will be very keen to get rid of me. It's over the other side of town, near Forks High, and I have the keys. We could go see what it's like. I was only there twice. I think it was clean and in good repair, but as it's been empty this past year, it may need work."

"How about we drop in on the way to school in the morning? Come on, snuggle down and relax. This could be a good thing, Rosie. A lot of couples these days can't have kids and they have to do all sorts of horrible stuff to get a baby. We know we can have them no worries. We will have to find someone to mind him during the day while we are at school. There are child minding centers and stuff, we should see if we get a cut on the fees if we are both full time students."

"I haven't seen a doctor yet, Emmett. I just did a home test but it's been three months, I think that's too long for it to be just late, don't you?"

"Roise, I think I would be a little disappointed now if it were a mistake. This is going to be cool. Do you want a girl or a boy? I bet it's a boy. A girl would be too much to hope for. A little Rosie baby. That will be what we aim for, a little girl like her Mom and we will have as many sons as it takes to get her."

"I rather like the idea of a little Emmett baby. I even thought of a name. Emmerson. Kind of like Emmett's son. What do you think?"

"Cool, you name the boys and I will name our little princess when she turns up. Us McCarty's have a lot of male sperm though, Rose, I do have five brothers and only the one sister. It might take quite a few pregnancies to get us our daughter."

"Then maybe it's good we are starting young. If we waited until we were 30 we wouldn't get the option to keep trying."

"That's the spirit. I love you, my sweet girl. Let me kiss the baby. Is this where it is?"

"Actually Emmett, that's closer to where you put it in me, oooh..."

X~x~X

The house looked good, but they ran out of time and had to go back after school. Emmett could mow the grass and maybe paint the exterior, but inside was spotless and tidy and the furniture was high quality.

"You shouldn't have it sitting here empty, some kids could break in and wreck the joint. maybe we should move in now, today? What do you think? Might be safer for you seeing your Mom will have a hissyfit when we tell her."

"I can tell her alone, Emmett, you don't have to go through that shit storm."

"Rosie, we made him together, we do all announcements together. We are a team. Come on, let's go catch your mother now. She will be mellowed out still from her liquid lunch if we are lucky."

Momma Hale didn't manage to say everything Rose expected her too, she was impressed that Emmett was with her daughter to break the news and he stood in a protective stance so she didn't even manage to slap Rosalie across the face for bringing shame on their good name.

But then, her father had pretty much besmirched the Hale name completely before he died.

She was mostly sorry Rose was moving out and leaving her alone. She must buy a dog, something small and white and fluffy to keep her company from now on.

She went to her linen press and sorted out several sets of linen and new towels and anything else the young couple could make use of. She had that dinner set her Mother-in-law gave them years ago, it was massive, twelve place setting but hideous, olive green, but Rose wouldn't care.

Now, where had she stashed it?

Looking through her storage cupboards brought back memories as she found the tiny garments her daughter had worn as a baby. She piled them into a box and handed them to Emmett as he packed everything into his enormous jeep. She was glad she had never flirted with this boy, she drank in the bar he worked in and some of her friends... well, the less said about that, the better. Rose said his manwhore days were behind him, and she would be watching and making sure that was true. Keep that damn Joy away from him. That cougar would not be happy until she started on the Freshman boys.

Momma liked this man's good looks and fantastic body. He was no boy, not by any stretch of the imagination.

His black curls were so cute and those dimples.

The baby would be gorgeous, no matter which parent it took after.

Might need breast implants if it's a girl and has Rose's flat chest but then, that had not been a problem for her. A little visit to the plastic surgeon had fixed that up.

Momma poured another drink and sat back to watch her only child leave home.

X~x~X

Edward's POV

I heard the ping indicating I had a new email and opened it immediately when I saw it was indeed from my Bella.

_Dear Edward, First I need to get a couple of things of my chest then if you still want to communicate, then yes, we can be friends._

_I was ten days late with my period and really thought I was pregnant so I suppose it will be a load off your mind to know that's not the case. I know I should be relieved but to be honest, I wanted a baby from you even though it may have meant I would be a single Mom and raise it alone. I even bought some little dresses for her. I saw her in my dreams and I really thought she was coming to make us a family, now I have to face reality. You will be a Dad but to Tanya's baby._

_Growing up with only one parent can be really hard and at least I had both Renee and Charlie together until I was a little older. I can't imagine what it's like a for a baby to never know his father and to grow up knowing he was not worth his parents trying to fix their marriage and raise him in a safe and happy proper family with a Mom and a Dad._

_That's what your baby needs and I would never agree to be with you if it meant taking you away from this baby. Please, Edward, try and make your marriage work._

_You said you love me but I have had to think about a lot of things lately._

_Clearly seeing your wife is pregnant, you and she have had a continuing sex life since before I left Forks, despite the fact you 'love' me. I don't understand why you didn't walk away from Tanya as soon as you realised she was not the one you loved. Until NY you managed to make a marriage of some sorts with her, so I question whether you love me as much as you claim._

_You must love her too or you two would have split up long ago. That's what people who are with the wrong people do, they split up and start again and you didn't do that so maybe you are with the right girl after all._

_When I thought I was pregnant, I was sure you were the type of man who would do the right thing and stand by me if I was having your baby. Tanya is having your baby so you would not be the Edward I love if you just deserted her._

_She needs you, the baby needs you._

_Let me go, not that there is an 'us', it just plays on my mind that you said I was yours. I'm not, but Tanya is._

_Okay, that's the heavy stuff and now we can be friends and email one another if you still want but no declarations of love, no empty promises, no false hopes. You would have come looking for me after I left if you really loved me, not stayed there getting married and setting up house and starting a baby with another woman. We are done. We managed to walk away from one another in NY, so that is in our past and never has to surface again._

_It was a dream, a beautiful dream, we have had no repercussions so we have to thank our lucky stars for that and move on. It's not just about us any more, Edward, it's about someone small and helpless who needs you far more than I do._

_The only guilt I feel is the guilt of not feeling guilty._

_That was our Paris, you are right, and we will always have it, but it's over and in the past._

_Sometimes all you get is three days._

_IF you can talk to me like the friend I used to be, then do reply._

_Bella._

I was frustrated beyond belief that I couldn't just explain everything but I guess so long as we keep talking throughout the pregnancy and stay friends, once this is over, I will be able to go to her and claim her as my own. With or without the baby.

I just have to hope nobody beats me to her, because I'm sure plenty of boys are looking her way.

I was saddened to read she was sorry we hadn't started a baby because let's face it, that would have been a baby I really wanted. She is right, I can't turn my back on this child if it is mine and it may mean Bella is wary of taking me and a newborn on but I am determined to find a way to convince her we have to be.

I can't wait for Tanya to give birth, I cross off the days on the calendar like any expectant father, if that is what I am.

I want this over.

_Bella, may I call you? I am so lonely at night without you. I hate to admit I'm smoking again but sometimes nicotine feels like my only friend. Rose is pregnant btw. She is blossoming and looks beautiful. She would love to hear from you. Emmett is like a dog with two tails, he is so happy. _

_At least one of us gets our happy ever after and I hope so much Jas and Alice do too. I may not deserve one myself but Ali and those boys never did anything but good._

_You deserve a happy ever after Bella, I take back what I said. You are free but know this, if you are still free when I am free I will do my damnedest to get you back. Fair warning._

_Would you email me your phone number please._

_Edward xxx_

_(Three kisses for three nights, you have to allow me them.)_

Bella's POV

Chelsea came around and found me rolled in my comforter drinking raspberry leaf tea with an electric hot pad on my abdomen.

"What's the story? Another period? It's only been like two weeks since the last."

"Yeah, they have always been rather random, now they appear to think they can just appear anytime. I guess I should go get put on the Pill."

"Come on. No time like the present. I'm going to the clinic anyway to get a repeat prescription, come with me. I know the receptionist, she will slip you in."

The doctor seemed largely disinterested but did hand over a script having taken my blood pressure. I had feared the whole internal embarrassment but seeing I had been through that just before NY, he was happy to forgo the humiliation.

Stirrups just make me feel so vulnerable.

I read the back of the container. Oh joy, this sounds like fun. I may feel nauseous, have break through bleeding, suffer headaches. And pay for the privilege.

I guess at least if I ever have another close encounter of the sexy kind, I will be covered.

Chelsea borrow my laptop while I grabbed a shower.

"So, Edward Cullen. You going to answer him?"

"Chelsea, tell me you didn't read that."

"I didn't read that. I looked at his photos, he's hot. Can I borrow him?"

"Fuck off and go find your own married man to commit adultery with."

"You are a whore, Bella Swan."

Yes, well. I swallowed a couple of painkillers in anticipation of the usual cramps and climbed back into bed.

"So, Alec is dating Siobhan."

"Good for him. I'm glad he moved on after wasting so long on me. I didn't mean to hurt him, you know."

"I know, Bella, he's fine. It wasn't as if you were having sex, that he would have missed."

"He's sleeping with Siobhan? Already?"

"I guess when it's right, it's right. Don't you agree?," she smirked .

"Definitely and how lucky they found each other while they are both single, free and available. Edward was once, and I refused to date him."

"Why?"

"Because, Chelsea, I am an idiot."

"Oh well, at least nobody will know that, just carry that trophy around and they won't notice how stupid you are."

"Good idea. I'll have it mounted on a hat."

"Speaking of mounted, I'm going to see if Dan is hanging out down the Mall. Might do some mounting of my own."

"Whore yourself," I said, throwing a throw pillow at her. That is what they are for.

I emailed Edward my phone number and lay in my nest and went to my happy place.

Hello New York.

I was asleep when his call came through and it was freezing out so I pulled my cell into the mound of blankets and answered.

"Bella Swan."

"_Music to my ears_."

"Hello Edward."

"_Hello love. How are you?"_

"Fine, cocooned in my bed against the cold."

"_It gets cold in Florida?"_

"It does in Jacksonville. This year anyway. How's Forks?"

"_Oh you know, hot, sunny, clear skies, no wait, that's on the tv. Cold, wet, drizzling, miserable without you. Are you coming to visit Charlie any time soon?"_

"I doubt it. Edward, friends, remember."

"_Friends visit friends. I was talking to Renee on Facebook. She 'friended' me. I actually thought it must be your cousin, did she get her photo airbrushed?"_

"Air brushed, repainted, aged down on the Missing Person's site. She looks eighteen when she looks at herself in the mirror so I guess her photo has to match her self image. Were you flirting with her?"

"_I don't flirt, Bella. I sit at home reading Romeo and Juliet and wondering if you are reading it at the same time."_

"That's possible. It's not like I have a social life. How's Rose? How exciting but are they ready?"

"_Is anyone ever ready for parenthood?"_

"Unplanned I assume."

"_Yeah, there seems to be a plague of it going around Forks. Jess and Mike are expecting a little Newton."_

"Holy crap, am I the only one not knocked up? I should have stayed in the area."

"_I wish you had. I'm really sorry you aren't pregnant you know. That would have been awesome."_

"Friends don't wish their friends were expecting their baby."

"_This friend does. You said you saw our daughter in your dreams. Tell me what she looked like. I believe we will hold her in our arms one day, Bella."_

"Okay, one baby conversation then never again. She was tiny and perfect and had a heartshaped face and your hair only in ringlets, not a haystack. Her eyes were closed so no clue if they were green or brown. My lips. Your long fingers, my short legs."

"_She sounds beautiful, like her mother."_

"Do you talk to all your friends like this, because if you don't, stop."

"_I do, only today I was telling Jasper and Emmett how beautiful they are and how I missed holding them in my arms. They were cool with it."_

I couldn't help laughing at the vision in my brain.

"Edward, I'm just scared Tanya will choose the name our baby had. She was named after our mothers, what's Tanya's Mom's name?"

"_Renata. She's dead. I guess Tanya could name the baby after her. Believe me when I tell you, once this baby is born, the marriage is over."_

"No, Edward, you have to work things out and give that baby a two parent home."

"_Bella, Tanya's leaving me. Nobody knows, but she is determined to leave me once the baby arrives and I have no inclination to talk her out of it."_

"So, your son will be a ping pong child, bounced from one house to another."

"_It's complicated but I will explain once he's born. Do you want it to be a boy?"_

"Only because I don't want her to steal my baby's name, especially as she could."

"_Tell me the name and I will promise not to let her use it."_

"Renesmee. See, it works as Renee combines with Esme but also with Renata and Esme. That sucks."

"_I promise you this baby will not steal our baby's name. I mean that. We will keep that name for our little angel in the future."_


	7. Chapter 7

**TRUST ME.. nobody is expecting this story to be even a tiny bit plausable, right? Its over the top in every way and completely impossible, why? Because its FICTION and its genre is Supernatural. Oh and Hi to my troll, opening multiple user accounts to bash my stories must be such fun. GET A LIFE. Don't like my stories? Move on, that's what big girls do. Sending me your list of most hated writers just makes me proud to be on that list with some of the best writers at fan fic. So thanks for that!**

The Waiting Game

Chapter 7

Progress

Edward's POV

The only time of day I cared about now was twilight. Once the sun sank below the horizon, I was allowed to call Bella and hear about her day. My days were boring and empty. I cooked, I cleaned, I figured I owned the apartment and I married the woman, so it was my duty to clean it and feed her. We barely spoke, but it wasn't hard to stay living with her because she went out most evenings and slept late mornings so I was at school before she got up. She seemed to have quit her education, but that was nothing to do with me. I told Esme and Carlisle in case they wanted to report to Kate, but that was where my duty ended.

I washed her clothes if she left them in the hamper but the bedroom was her domain and she could change her sheets and tidy up after herself, I was not her substitute parent.

I made a habit of visiting my parents every evening so I could make my calls to Bella from my old bedroom. It just seemed nicer than doing it from the apartment I bought for my wife and I.

I asked Carlisle what to do financially if I ever split with Tanya.

I knew I wasn't fooling him for a minute but we kept all our conversation hypothetical.

He didn't see the need for me to give her anything morally or legally, we would be married less than two years by the time we split and half that marriage would be in name only.

I could see he wanted to say it out loud so I told him to go for it.

"I told you not to marry her."

"You did."

"How many times did I say that to you, Edward?"

"Oooh, maybe a hundred times, Carlisle."

"Why didn't you listen to me?"

"Because you didn't talk as loud as my dick. You should have tied me up and screamed the words."

"You understand now why I wanted you to wait?"

"Of course I do."

"I dated several girls before your mother. That's what young people do, they date and they see how compatible they are with different people and they hold off the marriage proposal until they have a little experience to compare. It's called comparison shopping, most boys do that."

"You were right, I was wrong. I figured if I couldn't have Bella and it appeared blatantly clear I couldn't then anyone would do instead and I wanted to hang on to my sex life with Tanya in some way. I had this fucking dream over and over that I was left all alone in the world with nobody who loved me. It was so bleak and sad and I actually felt the pain in my heart while I was sleeping. It was weird. Maybe I lost my family in a past life. I dunno. I was insane, may I plead insanity?"

"Maybe. What do you plan to do when you hypothetically leave Tanya?"

"I think she will hypothetically leave me but whatever. I will slow down and take time to smell the roses. I will ask Bella to be my girlfriend. I know I am meant to be with her and I don't need to fuck around with a dozen girls to find out that truth."

"Nobody is saying you should. I just meant, I dated girls and it gave me something to measure my feelings for Esme to when we started dating. Right from the start, it was more. She was different to the rest. Some had been prettier maybe, I don't know. My friends told me that but in my eyes, your mother was the most beautiful girl on the planet and I was surprised every other boy didn't see that. She wasn't an obvious beauty like Rosalie, she was quiet and pretty and soft and special, Edward. You should always wait for special."

"Bella's special. I do look at other girls, I talk to girls at school, I do give myself a chance to feel something for anyone else but it's not there. It doesn't happen. Maybe it was simply the fact I was sleeping with Tanya that confused me to thinking I had any feelings for her whatsoever because I assure you, I feel nothing for her now we are in separate bedrooms."

"So, you two are done?"

"Absolutely. Once the baby is born, either she goes and it goes with her or she goes and it stays with me. Those are the only two options."

"What decides which parent gets the child?"

"Carlisle, if she knew I was talking to you like this, she would make my life very bad so you cannot act differently around her and you can't tell Esme."

"I hear you, son."

"The baby may not be mine."

"Tanya cheated on you?"

"I don't see it as cheating. Dad, the truth is we have always been more friends with benefits, there's so little else between us. Once the sex ended, it was over. I can't divorce her yet because I want that baby if it's mine. She wants to leave it with me, believe me, she has no desire to keep my child. She aborted a baby of mine once already without me knowing. This one would have gone the same way except she slept with...someone else. I can't tell you who, you would never be able to look at her the same and not let on you knew. She only wants the baby if it's his."

"Oh, so we may or may not become grandparents this year?"

"Yeah, sorry. I imagine that's kind of crazy but I don't know if I'm about to be a father or simply a divorcee."

"Oh Edward, what a mess. Listen to your father next time. He may be grey haired rather than strictly blond nowadays but believe me, you kids made me that way."

"Then you probably don't want to hear I slept with Bella in New York."

"I said I was grey haired, Edward, not feeble minded. I doubt anyone who saw you two together on that stage missed the fact she couldn't stop looking at you as if you were her God and you kept smiling that telltale "I'm having sex with the woman I love" smile. Maybe the visually impaired missed it but nobody else did."

"You didn't say anything. You didn't lecture me about cheating on my wife."

"The way I see it, you cheated on Bella with Tanya, not the reverse. I tried to stop you cheating and you ignored me. I hoped you would come home, pack your bags and go to Florida and not come back."

"I had something like that in mind until I found out Tanya was pregnant. Why the fuck couldn't it have been Bella? She would be so happy to be pregnant and I would be ecstatic. I would have made sure I got back on the TV just to tell the world."

"Nice way to lose a quiz, by the way. Esme's mouth dropped open when you threw that stupid incorrect answer in. I think that was her light bulb moment."

"I just wanted Bella to win. She deserved it. It takes effort for her to remember things, they don't just photograph themselves into her brain like they do into mine. It doesn't take any type of smarts to just retrieve an answer to something if you have your own personal Wikipedia in your head."

"You do have a point. So, you and Bella. How's it going?"

"She agreed to let me call her every night so long as we are strictly friends. I can't tell her the whole story, I fear she may fly here without benefit of a plane and beat Tanya to a pulp, if she knew the truth. She cares so much that this baby has a home and a family but she has only half the facts."

"But she is waiting for you?"

"See, that's the worst of it. She goes out every weekend with her friends, some bastard is going to lay claim before I get to."

"Go visit her. Friends visit friends. Just be there. You already maxed out a creditcard on tickets to Florida, a few more won't hurt."

"Really? Thanks, Dad. I don't know if Tanya will go for it though."

"Would Tanya go for me hiring you in the hospital to work down in Records all weekend if you handed her the paycheck?"

"You are going to pay me to not work every weekend."

"You are only young once son, and someone will steal that girl if you don't look after her."

"Thanks Carlisle. Have I told you lately you are the World's Best Father?"

"Keep her warm for your form, Edward," he said with a wink.

Oh, I think I can do that.

I went to my old bedroom and logged on to my Facebook to private message Renee to see if she was up for a visitor.

X~x~X

Bella's POV

"Bella, could you clean your bedroom honey?" were the words I was greeted with the minute I walked through the front door.

"It's clean...enough," I replied. Chelsea was the only one who ever went inside, and she was no stranger to dust bunnies and the floor closet system where you neatly tossed every item of clothing all over the floorboards.

"You will be sorry and I refuse to be embarrassed so go clean your room."

"May I eat first? I'm starving."

"So, the nausea has passed? I never get nausea from the Pill, not that I took it much."

"I believe it only works if you take it continuously," I replied.

"I meant, most of my life I've been trying to have babies, not stop them. I only took the Pill for a short time when.."

"When you were between Charlie and Phil."

"God, Bella, that sounds almost exciting."

"Mother! Please! You can't think that sounds anything but gross to me."

"Oh kids, you all think sex is your domain only. It gets better when you get older. You have that to look forward to."

I decided I owed her a shock back.

"I don't think it could get better than the sex Edward and I had in New York. He did everything imaginable to me and I loved it."

"Oh, high five for Bella, I raised her well," my mother replied, spoiling the whole shock mother part.

"Why do I suddenly have to clean my room? You usually don't care."

"I am having a guest this weekend and I want the whole house spotless."

"I did notice it's not it's usual tip," I joked. "But why would your guest be looking in my bedroom?"

"Bella, I am the parent, you are the child, so to speak. I want your room clean so either you clean it or I do, and if I do, I look in every drawer, in every box, in all parts of your closet..."

"Fine, I will clean my room. That coffee tastes bad. Could you buy a decent brand in future."

"You should not be drinking coffee at your age. Have some herbal tea."

"Gee, tea made from grass clippings yet I don't drink it, how strange."

It got weirder. I arrived home the next day to find my twin bed gone and a double in it's place.

A stack of new bedlinen sat freshly washed and dried on top of the mattress and replaced my tired old yellow daisy print doona with a new blue one that looked like the sea at twilight. I shrugged and made the bed up then had a thought.

Maybe this guest was two guests and they would be using my bedroom, thus the cleaning and new bed.

That meant I got to sleep in the tiny guestroom downstairs that overlooked a brickwall where the free standing garage butted up beside the house.

Oh joy, a toddler sized bed in a stuffy downstairs room. Lucky me, let's hope my Mom invites guests every weekend because this is going to be such fun.

I was not leaving my laptop and my iPod dock for them to use, and my fluffy toy collection needed to go, really, they are there more for my Mom to get nostalgic about than for any sentimentality I hold for them.

Trooping downstairs, Renee was ironing in the kitchen as I passed and she saw me with my load and frowned.

"What are you doing? Why are you moving your stuff?"

"Mom, clearly you expect two people to sleep in my bed tonight and over the weekend. Therefore I have to assume you have not bought me a boyfriend on eBay but want to let them use my room. So, I am just taking some of my personal items out."

"Bella, I'm not evicting you, but those toys could go into the guestroom, it would make your bedroom a little more adult."

I rolled my eyes and tossed Rory Lion and Scruffy Dog and Pink Petal onto the narrow bed and took my technology back upstairs.

Renee came up bearing new curtains in a mid deep blue, and stripped the old blinds down to replace them with these pretty drapes, then she stood back and smiled.

"That looks nice, doesn't it? I wish we could take that wallpaper down and repaint but maybe next week."

"Renee, where is this mystery guest sleeping seeing my soft toy zoo is now on the guest bed?"

"I am a modern mother, sweetie, I know what goes on between young people and there's no need to be coy."

Right, time to put a stop to this. If she has invited Alec in the hope we will get back together, and be motivated to have sex because we share the same bed...clearly Renee thinks the only reason I didn't sleep with him was lack of a place to do it.

Like the backseat of his car wouldn't have been good enough if that was what I wanted to do.

"Renee, I am going to Chelsea's and when I get home, if your guest is someone I would not wish to share a bed with, and let's face it, there's a 310,000,000 to one chance I won't, if we are talking American residents only, then I will return and sleep at her place."

"Fine, Bella, I shall put out your new lingerie, I hand washed it for you."

I slammed the door and drove to Chelsea's.

"Renee has lost her mind. I know she only ever had a tentative hold on it anyway but you will not believe this."

"What's she done now? Run off with Johnny Depp or a guy who looks vaguely like him in the right light? Joined the nudist club and burned all the clothes in the house? Taken up serving roadkill to save the environment from cows producing methane gas?"

"Um, no, she's invited someone to sleep in my bed all weekend and expects me to sleep in it as well."

"Oooh, so the JD lookalike is still on the cards," she laughed.

"Is Alec around by any chance?"

"Bella Swan, you slut! You want a threesome and want my brother to be your third? I think Alec would be in that so long as Siobhan doesn't find out but alas, the girlfriend has an away game with her hockey team and he has gone to Georgia with her. He won't be back until Sunday night, can you make do with just the one guy until then or should I lend you Dan?"

"Goodbye, I'm going home but keep your spare room available, I may be back."

"You can have my bed, I won't be in it once my parents head off to their club. Dan has a ground floor bedroom with a French doors, bless his parents for thinking ahead."

"Goodnight then, Skanky ho."

"Goodnight Adulterous Slut."

So many things flicked through my mind as I drove home. My mother needed help if she thought she could just invite some man into my bed for me. I tried to imagine who he might be, but Alec was the only boy I had shown any interest in since I moved here and it clearly wasn't him.

I parked reluctantly and walked to the front door. A hire car sat in the driveway but gave me no clues.

Sighing deeply, I opened the door and walked inside to fetch my sweatpants and top so I could head back to Chelsea's spare bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

The Waiting Game

Chapter 8

Touch Me

Edward's POV

Bella walked through the door, her forehead creased into a frown as she glanced into the sitting room as she walked past.

"Edward!" she cried out in shock, rushing towards me, suddenly in my arms.

I laughed and kissed her soundly and she finally pulled away, closing her eyes and muttering the words "Friends, Bella, friends."

She opened her eyes and looked at me, touching my arms and chest lightly as if to make sure I was real and not a hologram.

"What are you doing here? Renee said she was having a friend come stay for the weekend...Oh, you are the friend."

"I told you I am your mother's friend on Facebook. I thought it was time to come see her in person."

"So you are visiting Renee? Then I can go sleep at Chelsea's after all. Mom, you do know Edward is married, right, and expecting a baby? He is not sleeping in my bed if I am in it. I may have allowed myself one little slip from reality in New York but nothing like that will ever happen again, right, Edward?"

I smiled and lightly put my hands on her hips from behind as she faced Renee, who was grinning widely.

"Edward informed me when you two were friends before, he spent many nights sleeping in your bed under Charlie's roof, I assumed the same thing would happen here, this weekend. Do not tell me you feel freer to have friends over in your father's house, Bella?"

"That was before, years ago. We were kids and it was innocent. Nothing happened, Mom. Edward used to visit and he had some emotional issues I helped him with, that's all."

"Well, I have a lot more of those now, Bella. I was hoping you would help me again."

"I will make coffee though I suppose you want tea, Bella?" Renee asked. Tea? My coffee loving girl now drank tea? Things had changed.

She nodded and turned to face me, her hands on my shoulders.

"Really, Edward? Seriously? You think we could share my bed and keep our hands to ourselves? Because I don't see that happening and I refuse to sleep with you until you follow through with the divorce and have the final papers. That will be the night we next sleep together, not before."

"I didn't come here to make love to you, Bella. I just want to hold you through the night and talk like we used to. I will sleep above the covers and you can wrap yourself in your comforter to make sure we have no skin to skin contact, okay?"

She frowned and walked to the kitchen table were Renee was busy loading the table with food of all descriptions though some things I didn't recognise.

Bella leaned in close and whispered into my ear.

"The pink cakes with cream cheese on top...give them a miss, they are her latest new recipe idea, crab and tuna in cake batter with mayonnaise mixed through. It's not nearly as delicious as it sounds."

"Bella, I am here and I am not deaf and some people like trying new things. Though from what you have told me about New York, there are no new things left for you two to do."

Touche, Renee.

I laughed, what else could I do? Bella scowled at me and Renee winked.

"That was a very enjoyable weekend, Renee, the best of my life. I'm glad Bella felt comfortable enough to tell you about it."

"It took her a while. I first heard all the juicy details when I heard her talking in her sleep one night and went to check on her, but she did eventually open up to me, once she had to face the fact she wasn't pregnant, much as she wished she was."

"Mother!" Bella growled.

"You have no idea how much I wished she was as well," I replied.

"What would you have done?" Renee asked.

"Well, seeing I could only be physically present with one of the women bearing my child, I would have risked everything and come to be with Bella and hoped Tanya would agree to a sensible arrangement with her baby. She is leaving me, the marriage will be dissolved once the birth occurs and we know who ...gets custody. The baby is either staying in my care or going with her home to Alaska, I presume."

"Edward, how can you talk about your own son so casually? I do not believe you will ever be happy if Tanya keeps your baby and takes him so far away you never see him."

"Bella, things are not exactly as they seem. Tanya will not be taking my son away, know that."

"So, you are depriving your son of his mother?"

"Tanya has made that choice. She has no intention of raising my child."

"I'm confused," Bella said, shaking her head.

Renee smiled suddenly.

"Oh Edward, what a difficult situation for you. I can only say I hope things work out whichever way you are hoping they do."

She had seen what had eluded her daughter.

"To be truthful, I will be glad if Tanya takes any and all her own belongings with her and leaves me with no reminders of our time together. I was a fool. I was young and hurt and Tanya came along and seemed like a balm to my wounded ego. I was rejected by the only girl I ever wanted and I had to lick my wounds and recover and what can I say? Tanya was there."

"You invited her," Bella scowled.

"Actually I didn't. I had no idea she was coming to live with Carlisle and Esme . I got home from school the day of your party and there she was. You didn't want me, Bella, you told me often enough. Tanya did. Sometimes it's just a matter of being there at the right time, or so very wrong time as it turned out. She offered me her own brand of comfort and soothed my damaged feelings and bingo, it seemed like an answer. Not a good answer, but the only one available to me at the time. The sex did the rest. Boys that age rarely think past their next encounter. I never considered the consequences of what was happening. I regret every single time I was with Tanya but it's done. You either accept me with my baggage or reject me because of it. There's nothing I can do to change that, I know that from past experience. I am flawed and now it's completely up to you."

Bella poured herself another cup of tea and I bravely took a pink cake.

It wasn't that bad.

I've eaten worse.

Alice used to feed me mud pies when we were toddlers.

xxx 0o0 xxx

Renee's POV

Sitting across the table observing the connection between this handsome man and my daughter made me want to slap her, to be honest. He had made mistakes, big ones but haven't we all? Unless you meet the love of your life at a very early age, then your path will be littered with mistakes and Edward had been with only one girl other than my daughter. With his looks he could have racked up a hundred bed partners by now, plenty of boys his age had. I had heard about his friend Emmett even all this distance away. Some of my friends still visit Forks to see my ex husband because Charlie is that kind of man, you like him and want to stay in touch. But some women get bored easily and frequent bars and meet young men who break the monotony.

I don't even think about how many beds Phil has visited, he is a baseball player of some fame and that means his life has been touched by fan girls and I'm sure there has been more than the odd locker room fuck with some fans who got past security, and he used to cash in on his name in bars, but the past is just that.

I'm no virgin myself and I did go through a little period where variety was the spice of my life and I don't regret that. It made me ready to settle down when I met Phil and that's a good thing. He was sick of the mindless fucking as well and we connected and that was it.

I trust him, he trusts me, I wish my daughter found it in herself to trust Edward.

He is a man and he will one day decide he is fighting a battle he can't win and she will lose the love of her life if she doesn't wake up and smell the coffee.

I'm sure she still thinks there could be others for her out there, but she has no idea. There's only one true love, one perfect soulmate for each of us. That's why so many marriages go wrong. People give up and stop looking and do what Edward did, settle for a paler version of the life they could have.

Like he knows, it doesn't last. It can only be what it is, a mistake and the sooner you recognise that mistake and set about ridding yourself of it, the better.

It doesn't make the other person a bad person, just the wrong person. Charlie is a wonderful man and he will make the right woman an amazing husband but I wasn't that girl. I was made for Phil just as Bella was made for Edward. She can keep her righteous pride and reject him and thus reject her only chance of real happiness or she can wake up and allow herself to have a life so glorious she will forget Edward was even married once before, because she will realise it was just a silly error that he had to fix.

I don't want to reduce the importance of any marriage but if you bought yourself a pair of shoes you thought were amazing and just what you wanted and they squeezed your toes and blistered your feet, you would look at them and know pretty was nothing if it didn't come with comfort and didn't fit like a missing puzzle piece.

You would put those shoes aside and find a pair that fit you, and comforted you, and suited your life and made you happy.

Sometimes it's just that simple.

Edward fit Bella.

Bella needs to choose the shoe that fits, no matter who wore it before her.

o0o xxx o0o

Bella's POV

Dinner was over in a flash, it seemed even Phil was conspiring against me. He insisted he had to watch old tapings of his baseball games to see the bad moves he had made and learn from them so the TV was tied up and believe me, nobody else could bear to watch the same hit being rewound and studied over and over and over.

We only have the one sitting room so I went to sit outside and watch the ocean as the moon rose above it and bathed the waves with her gentle glow.

Edward played the game and helped my Mom clean the kitchen and stack the dishwasher and the sound of them talking and laughing together made me feel alienated even though I knew I was welcome to join them and be part of the fun.

Crossly I cursed the cold chill coming off the water, forcing me from my spot and I ran lightly upstairs and changed for bed. I would do as Edward suggested, I wrapped myself tighter than a mummy at the museum exhibit and tried to calm my heart and go to sleep before he came up as well.

After a while, I gave up and started to feel slighted. He was taking his time. Anyone would think he enjoyed my Mom's company. What was the time? Really, he spent hours on a plane to get there and he isn't even ready for bed yet?

I bit my lip and wondered if I should go downstairs and remind certain people that night time was for sleeping, not for getting tipsy and hogging all the attention of a man half her age.

I rolled my back so I was facing the wall and shut my eyes.

Edward's only a friend, what am I waiting for him to come up here for anyway? He will sleep on his side of the bed and I will sleep on mine.

I sat up and grabbed the many pillows my Mom had decided we needed and made a barrier down the middle of the bed with them and grumpily lay back down.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew was waking up in the early hours and feeling Edward's body curled around mine, outside the comforter as promised.

His hands were freezing cold and I touched his back and that was as well.

Dammit.

I struggled out of my blankets and put them over us both and felt him snuggle in close so his chest was flush with my back. Of course, that just made me think of the time he lay behind me in New York and pushed inside my body from that position.

I sighed out loud and wriggled my ass away from his 'problem area' that was hard and eager and tapping against my problem area.

I heard Edward snicker and growled at him as I cuddled a pillow and went back to sleep.

Saturday morning and I woke as usual when the rising sun's rays hit my pillow and made me want to pull the comforter over my head. My brain suddenly flooded with memories and I turned shyly to see if my bedmate was awake.

Huh, well, how rude!

The other side was empty, and he had even placed his pajamas under his pillow and straightened his side of the blankets.

Fine, so that was how we were playing it. I threw my covers to the ground and glanced out at the ocean and there on the beach walked my Mom and second father and my Edward, all laughing and kicking water at one another in the shallows.

It was as if he had come to visit with them, not me.

The kitchen clearly showed signs they had all eaten without me, and I foraged for cereal and milk and scowled at their dirty dishes. Remnants of eggs and bacon and sausage, my God, Phil had cooked one of his amazing fry ups and I had missed it. He knew how much I enjoyed that fatty, tasty once a month treat and he had not even woken me up to partake with them.

I now hated all three of them and quickly showered and dressed and got in my car.

So, they wanted time with their precious guest, suits me.

"Chelsea get your ass out of bed, we are going to the Mall," I announced, trying to force her bedroom window open.

Oops, two heads were on her pillow and the two bodies were wrapped so tightly around one another I was surprised they could sleep.

Dan opened his eyes and frowned in my direction and I mouthed an apology and left.

Whatever, so everyone else has friends to play with and I am Bella All Alone.

I can live with that.

The shops held no allure and I found myself buying little things I knew Edward liked. Dark chocolate truffles, Vanilla Coke, those white doughy breadrolls that we are told will clog our arteries and bring about our instant demises.

Suddenly it just seemed insane, being here and him being there and I would regret every second I avoided him so I stashed my bags and flew home as fast as I dared. Not having the benefit of Police Chief's daughter here meant I had to obey the road rules like everyone else, Goddam it.

They were sitting outside on the patio, laughing, always laughing and I dropped my bags on the table and went out and sat myself on Edward's knee and put my arms around his neck.

He grinned and placed a hand in the middle of my back and kept talking to Phil but his eyes flicked to mine every few seconds, and he smiled as his hand stroked through my clothing, and lit my body on fire.

"About time," Mom said, slapping my thigh gently.

She had a ridiculously large sunhat on and her legs were an enviable shade of tan mine would never be, because lily white is just how I roll.

I relaxed and lay against Edward's chest and he kissed the top of my head lightly.

I purred quietly and fell asleep.

XX~XX~XX

Edward's POV

Bella's surrender to accepting the fact we were made for one another may still be a while away but she can't stay away from me for long and holding her as she slept on me in front of Renee and Phil just seemed natural and right. I wasn't worried either would disapprove as nobody else's opinion mattered. This girl was mine and while I can't do anything to claim her yet, that truth will not be denied.

Breathing in her scent I wondered about her sleeping so much, she had been up to bed at a reasonable time yet she slept half the morning and was groggy when her mother woke her for lunch.

I talked to Renee about it and she said maybe Bella was anemic, her periods are erratic and heavy and draining even though she takes the Pill, which was news to me.

I wondered if it was strictly as a method to attempt to regulate her cycle or if she didn't trust herself around me now.

Last night had been Heaven and Hell and my dick had been hard as a rock all night. I had to relieve it twice in the shower while she slept on in the morning but at least I could see her from her bathroom and use her real self for inspiration instead of the images in my head that I usually had to bring into play.

I don't know how to get through two more nights with her scooting away whenever our bodies touch, so by bedtime I had a plan.

Renee and Phil took us out to dinner and stayed on afterwards, clearing the decks for Bella and I to go back to the house to talk. Initially she sat us outside but the wind seemed to work in my favor and we soon were forced upstairs into the cosy comfort of her bed.

"Bella, I would never ask you to do something you were not comfortable with. I can assure you, as much as my body craves to be inside you, I fully intend honoring your decision that we cannot make love until the decree absolute. That's quite fair but I would be lying if I didn't admit I live for that day to arrive.

There's no reason not to file for a petition of dissolution already seeing it is what Tanya wants as well.

Until then, can you consider letting us just maybe touch? Not even in an intimate way unless that is what you want, but I need to feel your skin again."

"Naked sleeping?" she frowned.

"I will keep my hands to areas you allow to be undressed so just wear whatever leaves me some skin and covers areas you don't want my hands to go."

She shrugged and I was a little surprised and very delighted when she removed all but her tiny lace panties. Her breasts were mine to fondle and my dick was quite enthused by that.

I followed her lead and left only my boxers on and embraced her cold little body, pulling her close against me as I ran my hands down her sides.

She shivered and leaned in close to me and I ran my fingers lightly across her torso, feeling her skin gooseflesh at my touch. Her nipples pebbled and I asked silent permission to kiss them and she nodded.

"Puppy dog eyes, Edward? Really?" she laughed, grasping my hair in her hands and tugging on it. Her eyes closed and her breath hitched as I sucked her pink buds between my lips and teased them with my tongue. She ground her body against mine and I grabbed her thighs and and opened them, so her sex was rubbing against my hardest part.

I had intended only stroking whatever bits of skin she allowed me to but we were both inflamed and dry humping was the only dish on the menu so that would have to be as good as this night got.

I ground into her hot sex feeling her wetness as she soaked through her panties at my touch and I looked into her eyes and held her gaze as our bodies danced and pushed and sought relief. She gyrated her hips and ran her sex the length of my shaft and it was hot and needy and not going to take much more.

"Edward," she breathed into my ear and I ground her harder and lifted her up and down, rubbing, caressing, until she opened her mouth and gasped my name and I felt her sex convulse and my dick thrust against it, through the fabric and I followed her, soaking my boxers and her panties further.

I clasped her to my chest and held her tight.

Slowly we came down together and I kissed her gently and felt her fall asleep in my arms. She truly is the most beautiful girl in the world, I wish she knew that. I wish she knew a lot of things, how sorry I am that I ever even spoke to Tanya, how sorry that I hurt her by choosing Tanya ahead of her when I didn't wait like I promised. Mainly I wish she knew how much I loved her and always will, even if she never truly lets me back into her life in the way I need her to.

I can't even think about what I will do if I have to construct a life for myself without her because the bleakness of that just leaves me panicking. I have friends, I have Emmett and Jasper, my 'brothers by another mother', I have my sister, and my parents, I even have Rose as my friend still but they mean so little compared to Bella, I think, almost ashamed because I know if it ever came between choosing between them and her, I wouldn't hesitate.

A pair of deep velvetty brown eyes open and the lips I adore and dream about smile and I lay my forehead against hers and kiss her softly.

"Good morning, my Bella. Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning Edward. I did, did you?"

"Like a log," I answered, stroking her cheek. "Somehow I was so relaxed I just slept the whole night away."

"Do you do things like that with all your friends?" she asked , grinning cheekily.

"Umm, let's see..Jasper, nope. Emmett, nope. Rose, well there was this one time..." I laughed and she pounded me with her pillow.

"Edward, you and Rose..."

"Never so much as kissed. I got quite good at dodging her lips actually then she discovered Emmett and his lips never even tried to evade hers so she moved on."

"Things could have been so different. I'm sorry, Edward, for being so cold to you when we were just starting out. I just had these imagined lines nobody could cross and somehow they seemed important at the time. If I could go back, I would have acted more maturely and accepted what had happened was unfortunate but in the past. I forced Tanya back into your present."

"Don't waste time talking about her, we could be kissing."

"We could be sticking to our deal and be behaving appropriately," she suggested.

I considered her words.

"Nah!, kissing is better."

She melted into my arms and we tested my theory, hers was never going to happen.

Renee ordered us up before the lunchtime cookout so we showered together and I got to wash places I wasn't allowed to touch last night, not naked, and she allowed me to dry her and help her dress. Her skin was so very pale I worried there was something wrong but she laughed and assured me I had just forgotten how white she was.

"I have a photographic memory, I never forget anything," I reminded her. Her nails were soft pink and I pressed one and timed how long it took for the blood to return. It was within normal range, maybe she was right. Maybe I just forgot.

The sun was a lot hotter today and we decided a swim was possible, seeing Bella in a bikini may have influenced that decision, and we frolicked together in the waves. Bella shrieked and shivered and I pulled her to shore after only an hour and wrapped us in Renee's giant beach sheet and lay on the warm sand, cocooned against the world.

"Don't go home," she said suddenly and I smiled and kissed her lips.

"I have to. I can't explain but I have to be there, as a friend only, to Tanya until she delivers then nothing will keep me from you. We will be closer than conjoined twins."

She bit her lip and nodded and I felt my heart leap with hope.

My last night had to be enough to get me through until I could be back the next weekend.

I had a feeling Carlisle was going to be angry I had skipped school on Friday to fly here and would be missing Monday as well, seeing the plane got in at SeaTac at almost 3pm. In future it will be a single night I will get to sleep in her bed so tonight is special.

How special I had no idea until she climbed into bed in a new pair of red lace panties . I fully expected acess to be denied still so when the stroking started and I felt flesh in my hand as I touched the crotch of her panties, I paused and looked at her.

"Not one single word," she warned, putting her finger on my lips and I dived under the covers and parted her legs. Her panties were defective, or crotchless I guess is the term.

I decided seeing I was there anyway...

She shook a little and moaned quietly as I licked her sex and teased her clit. The lace felt sexy against my face as I delved into her wet and warm areas and I sucked her clit inside my mouth and stroked her with my tongue until she shuddered and jerked away from me.

My erection was as hard as a rock and tented my boxers and she disappeared under the covers and gave me back five minutes of soaring in the sky with the stars behind my eyelids until I burst inside her throat and felt her swallow me down. It was only the second time she had done that. I had explained everything to her in NY and she clearly remembered my instructions well.

"I like your panties," I said, kissing her roughly, my hands pushing and pulling at her breasts.

We were never going to behave, let's face it. I rolled her away and pushed inside her thighs from behind and felt her open to let me inside and I made love to my Bella without another word, like she wanted. My fingers circled her bundle of nerves as I thrust in and out and we exploded together.

"Remember the rules, Edward, no touching where there is clothing," she said with a smile.

"Fine, you make the rules, I merely obey them," I agreed and patted her panties neatly back together where they gaped. This hadn't happened, I got the message. She didn't want to cope with the guilt so it never occurred. I sighed.

"What's wrong?" she asked into the darkness.

"I guess I just want you to say this is more than sex between us. It's so radically different to me, so opposite of my only other relationship. I guess I'm worried karma will bite me on the ass and make this less about love and more about sex for you because, much as I love the sex, I would go without it gladly just to hear you say you love me. Even just a little bit."

Bella smiled and kissed my cheek.

"I'm not the only one here thinking about how we are destined to always be together, right? I've loved you for so long, please just give me a little hope, Bella. Tell me you want me back in your life for more than a weekend. I don't want another Paris, I want forever."

She touched my face with her hand and smiled.

"I don't want forever," she said quietly.

"You don't?" I gasped.

"I want eternity," she answered.

"Eternity it is," I promised.


	9. Chapter 9

**Finished the final chapter so will post chapters every 12 to 15 reviews. It's done! Mumble mumble must finish Warm and Remembering Me, I know. And the CEO, now where's that one headed?**

The Waiting Game

Chapter 9

Affirmation/ Truly Madly Deeply

Bella's POV

"I'll be your dream

I'll be your wish

I'll be your fantasy

I'll be your hope

I'll be your love

Be everything that you need

I'll love you more with every breath

Truly, madly, deeply do

I will be strong

I will be faithful

'cause I'm counting on

A new beginning

A reason for living

A deeper meaning, yeah"

Edward lay back against my bedhead and played his guitar, singing quietly as I lay curled at his feet. He had been back every weekend for months now and had found a flight that arrived here at midnight Friday night and another that left at 7pm Sunday evening so he got home around midnight there as well. Then he had to drive to Forks so he must have been in great condition Mondays at school. He didn't care at all, and he always called me around 7pm nightly from his parents house so he could actually get some early nights in during the week.

Weekends were the highlight of my life and weekdays were the dragging long Edwardless days I endured in between. I threw myself into my schoolwork because we had plans.

We were both hoping to go to the same college and although Phil was willing to bankroll me, I really wanted to earn a scholarship.

Not that I would not go wherever Edward went if I didn't get one, mind you. I had learned my lesson about putting my pride before my happiness.

If Phil had to pay, then so what. He was willing and able and having no child of his own, he saw me very much in that role.

Charlie would feel better if I got the scholarship, but maybe I could lie if I missed out if it meant he felt better as my father. Whatever, all I knew was I would give it my best shot and hope it would be good enough.

The money I won on America's Top Student was safely invested 'for my future' but I could use that, if it came to the worst case scenario. Edward had plenty of money for our future, he was selling the apartment as soon as Tanya left and we would have whatever funds that brought to buy something new, of our own.

We were not getting married until after college, no matter how much he begged. I have never known a more determined person of his age, so sure he knew now what he wanted for the rest of his life. So impatient to tie me to him legally as well as emotionally.

I did love him, I had never stopped, but I was keeping that declaration for when he was free again.

"So, I have something to show you. I hope you take it in the spirit it is meant," he said, handing me an envelope.

Inside were a series of scan photos of 'her' baby I presumed.

I tried to squint to see the details of the baby's face and Edward laughed.

"This is the interesting one."

It looked like...a bunch of male genitals.

"It's a boy, you were right. So, no danger at all Tanya will steal our baby's name."

"What is she naming it?" I asked. Please don't say Edward because that would hurt.

"We don't talk about things like that but she has been writing rather weird names for a while on magazine covers. Gartan. Tanette though I assume that was for a girl, surely."

I had never heard of either name and was surprised Edward didn't care that his child may have a ridiculous name if he copped those.

"What would you like to name him?" I asked.

Edward shrugged.

"I'm not thinking about that until I know if he is staying with me. I'm sure Alice and Esme will come up with something suitable anyway."

"Don't you care?" I pressed.

"No, Bella, I do not care, not yet. If he arrives and is...like me...I will name him but I don't see the point of giving a child that may never have existed a name. That just makes things weird. What if I thought in the future, " this or that happened when Tanya was pregnant with X" yet there was no baby X."

"I think this is the proof there is indeed a baby X."

"Bella, are you planning on visiting Charlie anytime soon?" he asked me.

"I'm not going back to Forks no matter what while you are married to Tanya and while she lives there," I answered. Charlie could come here if he felt that strongly about seeing me but I doubted that would even happen.

"Bella, if I tell you something will you promise to keep it to yourself? Not tell Alice in your phone calls and emails? Not let on you know to anyone at all?"

I nodded.

"Tanya's baby may not be mine. She says it probably is but there's at least a chance it isn't. She has been in love with someone else since she was fourteen years old. She can't be with him because things are complicated. If it's his baby, and we will know soon after delivery, she is taking him and going back to Alaska. If it's mine, she is giving up all her parental rights and signing him over to me, 100%. She will still leave, just without the baby."

I swallowed and looked at Edward.

"This might not be your baby? You may not keep it?"

"I'm not keeping him if he isn't mine, anyway Tanya wants him to be the other man's, so she can no doubt go cause problems between him and his wife. That's their problem and nothing to do with me. Once Tanya leaves, Carlisle will take care of everything legal, come to an arrangement if necessary if I have to support her but if that baby is not mine, I never want to see it. I suppose I will pay child support because maybe I owe her something, but that's it. I won't personally have any contact and I will be selling the apartment and changing my cell so she has no way to contact me.

It won't be quite that neat and tidy if the boy is mine. I guess even if Tanya signs away her rights, she may change her mind in the future and want to see him and I guess, if that happens, I would have to think about what was best for Baby X. If he grew up and found out I had kept his natural mother from him, that could be tricky.

I really don't imagine Tanya would come back but you never know so I need to have a plan in mind. Carlisle would probably do supervised visits for me so I don't have to ever be near Tanya. Anyway, it's not a problem until the paternity test says it is."

"So, if Baby X is your son, where do I fit into the picture?" I asked.

"I am hoping you would help me raise him and be his step mother. I know you refuse to marry me until after college but I would have two options. Either you live with me and we raise him together as ours or I could leave him in Forks with Esme and she is willing for that to happen. I will leave that decision entirely up to you. It's not fair to burden you with the responsibility of a child at your age and I will not hold it against you if you choose for Esme to raise him until we get married.

I may come as a package deal, Bella, I can't turn my back on my own child. I guess everything after that depends on you and what you want and what you can cope with. Just please don't leave me, that's the one scenario I can't face."

I wriggled over closer and kissed him.

"Leaving you is not an option. We will work things out. I kind of like the idea of taking Baby X to college. They have creche's and he would always think of me as his mother, wouldn't he?"

"Of course he would. We wouldn't even have to tell him different if you didn't want that. Emmett and Rose and Jas and Ali would never tell. My parents will always want what is best for everyone and if that's what you prefer, I'm sure they will go along with it.

He won't know Tanya at all, if she does ever come back it will be under my terms and the first term would be, she is his aunt, nothing more. She lived with my parents therefore she is honory aunt. She gets no more rights to him than Rose and Alice have."

"You have thought this through," I smiled.

"I want our life to be perfect. I care nothing for Tanya, don't even imagine I will always have a soft spot for her in my heart for giving me this child because I know she doesn't even want it if it's mine. I know she is hoping every breath she takes that he is Garrett's and I had nothing to do with the conception."

Garrett? Wasn't that her sister Kate's husband? Oh yeah, Tanya sure does do complicated.

"Maybe we should go baby clothes shopping, whoever ends up keeping him will need clothes. is Tanya buying stacks of baby stuff yet?" I asked.

"Tanya has bought nothing. I don't think she really expects the baby to be his, she is trying to come to terms with knowing her plan failed and she is going through with this pregnancy for nothing, from her point of view. The only conversations we really have is her abusing me for doing this to her and ruining her life and how she can't wait to turn her back on us and walk out that door."

"Edward, that's horrible. She is not the woman I thought. I really thought she loved you."

"Tanya never loved me, I was the answer to her problems like she was to mine. It wasn't real, it was a band aid cure and we have healed and don't need the band aid any more, so it will soon be time for us to part ways and the sooner the better."

"I'm sorry things worked out this way," I said, running my fingers through his hair.

"I'm not, because I have you, and that's all I ever wanted. I may have stuffed up appalingly badly but it was the path that led me to you again so maybe this had to happen for some reason. Maybe you and I can't have kids or maybe Baby X will fulfill some need we have, I don't know. But I have you, my Bella and that's all that matters to me."

The guitar was gone and he was invading my clothing. My nipples were soon being sucked and I jerked back a little, so sensitive. He wasn't being rough, but it still hurt sometimes.

Maybe he bruised them with his rougher games and they took time to heal inside.

"Bella, baby, I want you so much, I love you," he muttered, pulling my top over my head and rubbing my breasts.

"I love this bra, have I told you that?"

"What, my invisible non existent bra? Yeah, it's one of my favorites. Why would I bother putting a bra on when you are here? You would wear the clasp out undoing it every ten seconds."

"I'm not that bad. I could leave you alone for, oh, minutes at a time," he answered.

"Really, how many minutes?" I challenged.

"You win, now let me take these pesky jeans off you, they are way too hot."

"Edward, it's freezing," I laughed.

"Not in my world," he answered and stood beside the bed pulling my jeans to my ankles and tossing them away. I scrambled under the comforter and he hovered over me, licking my nipples and walking his fingers down my abdomen.

"No, we don't do that, we don't cheat on your wife," I warned and rolled my back to him. My theory is, if I don't see him doing anything naughty, he isn't really doing it so he has to enter me from behind. It's our thing, for now. When he is divorced, he will be making love with me face to face, with a clear conscience but until then, get behind me, Edward.

"Bella," he growled. "I want to see your face when you come."

"Then watch in the mirror because we are not laying here face to face until you know when. Some men would be grateful they could do anything at all, being married to someone else. Girls with any integrity would be making you sleep downstairs on the couch. You are just lucky you chose to be with a whore."

Edward froze and rolled me over again roughly.

"Never say that. You are the woman I love, you are not a whore. You can't say things like that to me."

"Sorry," I whispered. I was only joking but really, the fact was he was married and I was sleeping with him and that is the very definition of whorish behaviour. We may have mitigating circumstances as we see them, but the truth is the truth.

Edward lay beside me and pulled me into his arms and stroked my hair all evening, never touching me in any sexual way.

I had upset him and hurt him with my words.

"I did this, I made you see yourself that way," he said later, in the darkness. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm just so sorry."

"It's okay, Edward. I love you," I said. I had to give him something and I had a feeling I had just brought our sex life to a sudden end, until the divorce came through.

Damn me and my stupid mouth.

"I love you, my Bella. I love you so very much. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing but it's still true."

We lay together in silence until I fell asleep and dreamed of happier times to come. I was in a meadow, surrounded by wild flowers. I wasn't alone, a little girl with long red ringlets and big green eyes was with me, running and laughing and I scooped her up and kissed her face.

"Mommy, look, Daddy has come to be with us," she said and I looked to where she pointed and she was right. We ran together towards him and he opened his arms and embraced us safely inside them.

X~x~X

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,

I wanna bathe with you in the sea.

I wanna lay like this forever,

Until the sky falls down over me.

X~x~X

Edward's POV

The day that freed me began just as any other. I woke and started making breakfast, coffee bubbling, toast toasting, and Tanya walked out, early for her.

"Coffee?" I offered.

"Edward, would you take me to the hospital?" she asked.

"Now? It's started?"

I couldn't deny the flash of hope, fear, promise, and terror that went through me.

One way or another, it was over. Soon. Today.

I could be with Bella.

With child or not.

I hoped to the depths of my soul it was without child because the only child I wanted was my daughter that Bella and I would share. Having this possible son with Tanya was wrong and I knew I had to man up and be a good father to him but I couldn't help thinking he would be short changed. I would love Renesmee more.

Bella would be the better parent. She had bought clothes for Baby X, she had accepted he may well be part of my baggage. She would love him as though he was her own, I didn't doubt that for a moment. It would be me who was the failure parent.

"Are you coming into the delivery?" my father asked.

I had wrestled with this for months.

"No, but I will be in the waiting room, I won't leave."

"As you wish, Edward," was all he said and so the day began. I called Bella, who else? Nobody else even cared whose kid this was being born today. Even the ones who assumed it was mine knew there was no hope for Tanya and I, we had distanced ourselves that much and only Tanya believed the fictitious job I did every weekend. I suspect she didn't care enough to question it's validity.

Bella was excited, it was strange for me because I wasn't. I truly did not care and I felt a stab of guilt that I could have created the child that held so little interest for me, but that was the truth. My life was about to change, either just for the better, or drastically. I couldn't pack up a newborn and drag it to Florida every Friday night.

Maybe Bella would come here. Carlisle wouldn't care about the tickets, it was the same as if I went to her.

I held Garrett's image in my mind and surprisingly soon, Carlisle was beside me , informing me Tanya had left it to the very end to come in. It was over.

A nine pound boy.

I went with my father and looked at the blood streaked infant in the perspex crib and felt nothing. His hair was almost transparent blond, that was good. Both Tanya and Garrett were extraordinarily fair. His eyes were blue, not slate, but more a purple, so no clue to his paternity.

My test had been done months ago, and the baby's was being done as we stood there.

"What do you think?" Carlisle asked me.

"Does he resemble me as a newborn in any way?" I asked. Dad shook his head.

"You came out with a thick mop of hair, standing up on end every which way, and the greenest eyes. They were eerie. Alice had black hair and slate eyes at the start. Your arms and legs looked too long for your body, hers looked too short. It was comical."

"How's Tanya?" I asked. I didn't hate her, I was merely indifferent to her now. She was no more to me than any other student bar Bella and my friends.

"Fine, she didn't want to let go and let him out. I'm sure she thinks its yours and the fantasy is over. She wants him named Garan Arett Denali if it isn't yours."

Dad's top lab man walked in, waving a printout.

"Congratulations. Preliminary tests rule you out, Edward."

I laughed, it was so good. So fucking awesome.

I leaned over the infant I didn't father.

"Good luck, kid. You'll need it with her for a mother."

I was on my cell as fast as my legs took to carry me outside.

"Bella, there is no Baby X. Garan Denali is here, safe and sound. It's over. I'm heading back to the apartment to pack up the last of my things. I'm about to call Kate and Irina, they can sort out where she goes, where she raises the kid. I will go stay with my parents and they can use the apartment until they head back to Alaska. Stuff it, I'm catching a plane. Be there by tomorrow, love.

The final papers aren't here yet but near enough, Bella, near enough. We get to make love face to face now."

I had been so happy to be able to make love at all with her, I hadn't realised how much I needed to hold eye contact with her while inside her body.

Perfection starts today, people.

X~x~X

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,

I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..

The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.

That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..

The highest powers. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..


	10. Chapter 10

The Waiting Game

Chapter 10

Goodbye To Love

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

(Tragedy alert...Trust me! Read the last chapter when it's up even if you decide this is too sad for you. I had to write in 3rd person, sorry.)

"So, how about we play a game and pretend it's our honeymoon and it's raining outside, oh look, it is, and we have no choice other than to stay in bed all day and deal with whatever pops up because I can feel something really hard popping up right now."

Edward rubbed his erection along Bella's thigh and she laughed and pulled the blankets over her head.

"Can you smell that?" she asked and he raised his eyebrows.

Bella threw the blankets to the floor and gasped at the dark red stain on the sheets.

"Is your period due again already?" Edward asked. She seemed to bleed very irregularly for someone on the Pill.

"Shit, it would appear so. Sorry, Romeo, shop's shut for a few days."

She stood and grabbed at his hand to force him to get up as well and suddenly closed her eyes and fell to the floor.

Edward was beside her in an instant.

"Bella, Bella love, talk to me. Renee! Renee, I think you should call an ambulance."

Renee rushed in to her daughter's room and gasped at the blood.

"What's happening? Why is she bleeding so much?"

"I have no idea, call 911. We need to get her to hospital."

Edward sat on the bloody bed and cradled Bella in his arms.

"Hang on baby, it will be okay. The doctors will fix you and we will be home by tonight. Don't forget, I'm cooking and you don't want to miss that."

Phil stood at the door.

"Maybe you should bring her downstairs, save time when they get here."

Edward nodded and carried his unconscious girl down the staircase and lay her on the sofa near the front door. Renee arrived with a stack of bath towels and stripped Bella's bloody sweatpants from her body and placed a towel between her legs.

"So much blood, this is not normal. Her stomach feels hard, what the heck is happening? She's getting bloated, Edward, do something."

Phil rushed the paramedics inside and they surrounded Bella and examined her naked body.

"How far along is she? How many months?"

"Far along? What?"

"How pregnant is she? Never mind, it looks like an abruption. We have to get her in."

Renee clasped Phil's hand and looked at Edward.

"She's pregnant? Why didn't she tell me?"

"She didn't tell me," Edward replied, pale and shaking. "I have to call Carlisle. I'm going in the ambulance, you do it," he said, tossing his cell to Phil.

"Numbers in there under Dad. Tell him I need him and to get here fast."

Edward sat in the front beside the driver when the paramedics refused to let him in the back with Bella and he complied only because he needed her safe as soon as possible.

The siren screamed as the driver swung between traffic and sped faster than Edward had ever driven himself.

"She will be okay, right? She can't be very pregnant, we would have known. She can't be very pregnant at all," he pleaded.

"Get her to OR two," yelled the attending and Edward stood and tugged at his hair.

He followed the gurney until the male nurse blocked his path.

"This is as far as you can go, man. Sit here, I'll find out what's happening and get back to you."

Edward nodded and sat, his hands and clothes bloody.

Renee and Phil rushed in and sat with him minutes later. Phil must have driven like a maniac.

"Carlisle is on his way, he's hoping to get an unclaimed seat on the next flight."

Edward nodded.

"She will be okay, right? If she is pregnant, its only a little bit, she had that period last month, she can't be that bad if it's only days, right?"

"I don't know, Edward. They said abruption, that's when a placenta rips off the uterine wall. That happens well after days, she must have been pregnant all along."

"Fuck no, we would have noticed," he said, standing and pacing the floor.

"That would mean she was what, seven months. How could she be seven months? I talk to her every night, she always seems to be on her period."

"That was probably the clue. She was bleeding, not having periods," Renee said sadly.

The nurse returned.

"It doesn't look good. You need to be prepared, I don't think they will be able to save the baby."

"Okay. Okay. They will save Bella," Edward pleaded. It wasn't like they knew and had made plans or bought anything. Bella could not have kept a secret like this, she cried over there being no baby for them. They would cope. Bella would cope. He would be there for her. It would be sad and horrible and one day they would have a baby, any time she wanted, whenever she chose. He would marry her the minute they left this hospital, when she was better. She could have all the babies she wanted. Screw the divorce, he would become a bigamist.

"They will do everything they can. They are doing a c section but there was no fetal heartbeat. Be prepared, there's very little hope for your baby. I think it's already dead."

He looked at Edward.

"Come with me, you will scare the pants of your wife if she sees you looking like that. I will get you some scrubs to put on. Nothing's going to happen for a little while, and your parents will come get you if it does."

Renee nodded and Edward reluctantly went with the nurse and stripped off, stepping under the staff shower and slewing the blood from his hands and arms.

He washed quickly and dried himself and was dressed in minutes.

Nothing had changed when he got back.

Renee was sitting there staring, barely glancing up at him as he sat beside her again.

"Your father rang, he is on a plane. Be here in five hours," Phil said, putting his hand on Edward's arm.

"Fuck I wish I knew what was happening," Edward cried.

The doors swung open and all three stood.

"I'm Dr Taylor. Your wife lost a lot of blood. The placenta had detached, it looked like it had lifted in several places over the past few months, didn't she tell you before this that she was bleeding?"

"We didn't know, she didn't know. She thought she was having randomly spaced periods. How is she?"

"I'm sorry but the baby is dead, it had been for some hours I'm afraid. There was nothing we could do. A girl, four pounds."

"And Bella?" Edward asked.

"She's alive but just barely. It will be touch and go for the next few days if she makes it through the night. It's really serious, I'm sorry and it doesn't look good."

"She won't die though," Edward asked.

"She could very well die at any moment. I'm sorry, we will do all we can. I had to remove her uterus to stop the bleeding, things had gotten way out of control."

"That doesn't matter, just save Bella," Edward replied. There were other ways, he would buy her a baby if that's what it took. Get a surrogate, pay some woman to carry their children.

"Would you like to see your baby?" the doctor asked Edward quietly."You can't see your wife for a while yet, but you can come and see the baby."

He nodded and let the man lead him through a swinging door and down a hallway to a small room where two chairs sat and nothing else.

"They are just washing her. A nurse will bring her to you in a minute. Take all the time you need. We have cameras, maybe you should think about taking a photo to show your wife later if she makes it. She will want to see the baby and it may be days before she recovers. We can't keep the baby too long," he finished and Edward nodded his understanding.

They weren't expecting Bella to wake up for days and the body would be taken away by then.

A nurse entered pushing a perspex bassinet and smiled sadly at him.

"She looks beautiful, perfect. Don't be afraid about how she looks, it's as if she is just sleeping."

Edward reached into the basket and pulled the blanket from the baby's face. Of course he knew what she looked like.

She had a small heart shaped face and a head full of auburn curls and Bella's lips and his long fingers and her short legs. Her eyes were shut, of course, that's why Bella never saw the color.

He lifted her carefully and sat down, placing his daughter on his lap and unwrapping her. She was dressed just in a diaper and pink top and he could see all of her.

She was beautiful, like the nurse had said. Perfect.

"Renesmee," he choked out, lifting her to cradle her body against his chest, close to his heart. Of course there had been a price to pay but the price was far too high. This was not fair. She was beautiful and perfect and so like his Bella. He could not imagine a more perfect baby than she was. No matter how many children they had in the future by whatever means, this little girl would be the one always most beloved in his heart. He had loved her before he knew she existed and her death could not alter that.

How could God be so cruel? Tanya's baby, merely an instrument of torment and revenge, was alive and well.

His baby was dead, without ever living.

Bella was not going to live through this, through the death of their beloved Renesmee.

He sat in the rocker and sang to his daughter. He could think of no words but those of that song, the one that always made Bella cry.

_I knew I loved you before I met you_

_I think I dreamed you into life_

_I knew I loved you before I met you_

_I have been waiting all my life._

X~x~X

"Can we go and see the baby? Say goodbye?" Renee asked after what seemed like both several hours or several seconds from when the doctor had come to get them and lead them in.

Bella lay before them, unhooked now from the tubes and machines and her face was paler than it had ever been. She looked peaceful.

Phil tapped his wife's arm as Edward walked in, and sat on the chair beside Bella. He was holding the baby to his chest and had wrapped a blanket around her so Renee stood and walked to his side and peered at her granddaughter.

Edward looked up, as though he hadn't known anyone else was in the room and smiled at her.

"You can hold her in a minute. Bella has to hold Renesmee first."

He lay the baby face down on Bella's chest and turned it's face as if to be sure she could breathe, and put the blanket back over the baby's back, then lifted Bella's hand so she held the small body. Edward rested one of his own hands over hers.

"Bella, Renesmee needs to see your eyes, wake up, love. You want to see her, don't you?"

A nurse hovered with a camera and Phil nodded permission and she took photos from the other side of the bed so Edward would appear in them as well.

Renee cried soundlessly and worried as she looked at Edward. His eyes were clear and no tears fell. They looked strange, she had never seen eyes look that way before and she didn't know what it meant.

Edward started to sing quietly, and Renee had to walk away and leave him with his dead.

They were her dead too, her daughter and granddaughter but somehow her pain was less than his. And that had to be horrendous because her pain felt like she would never breathe again so how was he feeling?

"I think we should buy a cottage by the sea, I saw one I liked last week. I was going to buy it for your birthday, Bella. We will paint your nursery walls pink, Renesmee, and you can have the bedroom next to ours that looks out at the ocean.

It's upstairs so no boys will be able to sneak in your window when you are a teenager. No apple tree growing conveniently beside your window, hey Bella?"

He looked up at Phil.

"Maybe we should go and let them sleep?" Edward suggested. He stood and leaned to kiss Bella and the baby and walked out of the hospital without pausing or looking back.

"He must know, they must have told him?" Renee said to Phil.

"He knows, he just can't accept it yet. Go get in the car, I'll leave a note with our address and phone number so Carlisle can come find us."

"Renesmee's a little small but the small ones often do best. She'll grow quickly. She'll be chubby in no time," Edward assured Renee as they waited in the car. "Her hairs my color but much nicer, don't you think? So shiny. No curls in our family, except Esme I suppose, but she just has waves. Do you have curls in your family?" he asked.

Renee nodded.

"My mother had hair like that, only fairer. Are you coming back home with us, Edward?"

"Sure, it makes sense, close to the hospital. Maybe I should get a hire car, the cabs are expensive," he added.

"You can use my car whenever you want," Renee promised.

Phil drove them home at a normal speed and Renee made tea and coffee before she realised there was no tea drinker here now. She left the men together at the table while she slipped quietly upstairs and stripped her daughter's room of everything bloody.

She remade the bed, and placed the spare blankets from the linen cupboard on it and checked the blue comforter. It was clean, no blood here. She loved the color, it made Bella's skin look creamy and pretty.

She tossed it over the bed and bundled the washing so no blood showed and went to the laundry room downstairs and put them in the washing machine.

Cold wash, those stains could be hard to shift.

She went into Phil's study, not that he ever used it much, and opened the email account on the laptop.

The hospital had forwarded the digital photos already so Renee printed them out and looked through them.

"Bella," she said quietly to the image of her daughter. "You were an amazing child, and so bright. America's Top Student. How could it end like this, Bella? What's the point of being bright and smart and beautiful if you have to die at eighteen? And what's going to happen to Edward? He lives for you, sweetie, he will be nothing now. How can that be? You look after that baby girl and be a better mother to her than I was to you, you hear? I'm glad you had such a wonderful father. Gosh, Charlie, I have to tell Charlie. How can I tell Charlie?"

She picked up some certificate in a frame and took the document out and placed the best printout of Edward and his girls in it and took it up to Bella's bedroom and placed it beside the bed.

Then she sat in the chair and watched the ocean roar and clash against itself out the window.

"You got the best room, Bella. The best view. You always liked the beach even more than I did. You said looking at the clouds over the water made you feel like you could see all the way to Heaven."

X~x~X

Carlisle stood shocked and drawn and felt a deep stab of fear.

This was bad, very very bad and Edward would never cope.

Not Edward.

If there was one area Edward had lacked, it was a brake on his emotions. He was always either very happy or infinitely sad. And he was a fixer, and this was unfixable. Look how he wasted thousands on plane fares when he searched for Bella, he was so determined to fix things, he just rushed in head first and did all he could.

And he had been so happy lately. The whole mess with Tanya had been nothing, water off a duck's back. He hadn't cared the baby was Garrett's, in fact Carlisle was sure Edward had been very glad to have escaped that complication. He was done with Tanya and he moved on, back to the girl he loved so deeply.

And Bella Swan was dead.

How she died had been a shock and he was sure neither she nor Edward had any idea she was pregnant because they would have celebrated the fact. Edward would have climbed onto the roof of their house and yelled it to the world, there would have been pregnancy announcements in the birth column of Fork's only newspaper.

The fact he was technically married to Tanya still would not have bothered him at all.

"Dad," said his son, walking through the front foyer, flowers in hand.

"Have you seen Bella and my daughter?" he asked, and several people looked up and smiled. First time father's, they are always the happiest.

"They are both in a room downstairs now, Edward. How do you feel?"

Edward stopped and his face dropped and froze for a minute then he smiled.

"I feel great. I have a brand new baby girl and my Bella, what else is there? What else, Carlisle? What else matters? What am I going to do now, Dad? What? Tell me. Please tell me."

Carlisle pulled him aside and picked the flowers up from the floor.

"Come show me your daughter, Edward. The nurses say she is beautiful."

Edward nodded and took his father's hand as he had when a small child and Carlisle led him to the elevator and pushed the button for the basement.

X~x~X

"You can't just bury them," Edward raged. "How can you put a tiny baby in a grave? That's just so wrong."

"She can be buried in the same casket as Bella, Edward. Bella would like that, don't you think?" Renee asked.

Edward glowered and walked across to the French doors and went outside to stand by the edge of the sea.

Carlisle looked at Renee, and shook his head.

"Honestly, he will be in that casket as well if he gets his way. I have no idea what to do. Take him home and lock him in his bedroom? How the hell do I keep him alive if he is determined not to be?"

"There's worse things than being dead, Carlisle," she said.

They knew that, Edward was a living example.

"We are all booked to fly to Forks tomorrow. Edward wants to take them home. Rosalie can't fly here anyway, not so close to the birth, God knows how Edward will cope watching Emmerson grow up and Emmett being a proud father who never shuts up for one second. All we hear is how special and amazing our honorary grandson is, and he is, but what the Hell do we do around Edward now?"

"You never know, Edward might like seeing a baby who got to live and grow. He may like knowing not every baby misses out on the right to live. It must seem that way to him at the moment seeing Renesmee is the only baby he has ever held."

"He refused to even see Tanya's child until the paternity test was being done then he just went in and said "Good luck, kid, you will need it with her for a mother." He dodged a bullet with that woman, but now it's all been for nothing anyway."

Carlisle walked outside and stood beside his son.

"Nothing we can say can help you, Edward, I know that. This is what someone said to me when my mother died and I know it's not the same. I know Bella was your world.

You can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back

or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


	11. Chapter 11

The Waiting Game

Chapter 11

Sad Goodbyes

Edward leaned against Esme and rested his head on her shoulder. He couldn't even pretend to be a grown up today. His mother clutched his hand and kept her lips drawn and straight but he saw them quiver. She shouldn't listen, he wasn't listening. He didn't need anyone to tell him anything about his Bella or their baby.

Renesmee was theirs alone, she didn't belong to any of the people here. He and Bella had talked about her even though they had no idea she was alive already. All those months she was inside Bella, growing quietly, hearing them talk about her, love her, want her and it hadn't been enough to make her stay. Edward had never suspected for a single second that baby was there and he had concluded she was just sending them a heads up for the future, when they were together in every way, including in the eyes of God.

Not that he cared for God these days. He would have said He didn't even exist but he needed to know Bella and his baby had somewhere beautiful to live now and were protected and safe, so he couldn't kill off God and leave them in the cold blackness.

Edward accepted the baby needed her mother with her and no doubt Renesmee had thought her need for Bella was greater than his, but she was wrong. Today was the end, the proof Bella would not suddenly get better and come back to him and he didn't actually care what anyone thought about him.

There was no longer anyone in this world whose opinion mattered.

His parents were trying, his sister had cried more than anyone else, bar Edward himself.

Alice cried loudly, shamelessly, caring nothing for who heard her.

Edward cried silently, curled in his bed , his mother beside him, not game to ever leave him alone.

He knew what she feared but he didn't even have the strength to think about that yet, though no doubt it would soon seem the only option left to him.

His father had offered comfort in the form of pharmaceuticals but nothing eased the raw pain unless he took enough of some drug so he was rendered unconscious but the downside was, he had to then wake up and have that terrible moment where for one single second, you forgot. You think "I wonder if my Bella is awake?" and you turn to your side and it's empty and cold and then you know.

Charlie walked by into the pew in front of them and Edward thought the man resembled a zombie. His feet shuffled as he went, Renee on his arm, and Edward felt cheated to have never had Charlie walk Bella towards him down this aisle because that would have been the highlight of his life and he would have recalled that image over and over in the years he and Bella were together, getting grey hair, complaining about the cold, growing old together.

He hated hearing people complain about aging, because getting old was the only alternative to being dead already. They didn't know how lucky they were. What he wouldn't give for a single wedding anniversary with Bella. Just one year.

He looked out of the window beside him and saw two small butterflies flapping around and his lips formed an involuntary smile. Maybe Bella and Renesmee were here today, coming to see how much they would be missed. How many people's lives they had touched.

Every female in Forks had cried over his daughter, he was sure. He guessed the mothers related and thought how sad they would have been had their little girl died before birth, and the younger one's feared it could happen to them one day.

Rose and Emmett were so hurt and worried, they didn't know whether to hide Emmerson away from him or offer him the comfort of holding a live newborn. It was hard all around.

He didn't think it would affect him either way because Emmerson wasn't Renesmee.

He couldn't give Edward comfort nor make him grieve harder because he was already past the point of being able to grieve more than he did now.

People were walking out, the Hell was over, now they would just put the coffin in the ground and Edward could not stand by and see that happen.

No matter what anybody said, it was not right to put Bella in the ground. She would be cold and lonely and she wouldn't want her baby to be there either.

But he had no say, she wasn't his wife.

She was Charlie and Renee's daughter and they were her closest relatives. He supposed he could have insisted about the baby but he couldn't part her from her mother, even to save her from being in the dark.

Emmett and Jasper and Carlisle were carrying the casket on the side Edward was closest to, he didn't know who the other three on the far side would be. Maybe Sam, Bella liked Sam.

Yes, they were boys from the Rez.

Jacob, he knew Jake vaguely, he had been Bella's friend growing up. He looked so sad, and Edward had to avert his eyes because his pain as all he could bear, he couldn't help anyone else.

They watched the hearse leave and Edward turned to his parents.

"That's all I can do, I'm not going to the churchyard."

Jasper appeared at his side.

"I'll take him somewhere, wherever he wants to go. He'll be fine."

That's where Jas was wrong, Edward thought. He would never be fine again.

X~x~X

Jasper took him to the beach at La Push and they took off their shoes and socks and walked along, letting the hems of their suit pants get wet as the edge of the ocean tugged at their feet.

"So, what now, Edward?" asked Jasper. "She would want you to move on and be happy. Bella would never want you to mourn her forever and cut yourself off from life and love."

"Don't say love," Edward replied. "I know what love is and I know it doesn't die because I love her as much as ever. I'm so sad she is gone but she left her heart behind with me to take care of, and I will. Nobody can ever hurt her again, Jasper, it's kind of freeing in a way. Nothing will change, nobody will ever come between us now. It will always be me and Bella, and nobody else. Swear to me you will never try and make me move on because that would kill me so promise you will never let any of them say it's time, he needs someone else, all that crap. I don't and I won't. Bella was everything and she was mine and she is mine. I have her here, in my heart, nobody can come between us."

"Okay, we all just want what's best for you. We just want you to be happy again one day, Edward."

"I will be happy, in my dreams. That's all, Jasper, that's all there is but it will be enough. It has to be."

They walked for hours, and ended up so far along the beach neither had ever been there before. Edward sighed and turned to head back and Jasper matched his pace. The silence was only marred by the thrashing of the waves and the occasional bleak cry of a sea bird overhead. When they got back to their starting place, both sank into the sand and let their legs rest.

The sun sank from the sky and stained the waves crimson and Jasper put his arms around his friend and felt his body shake silently as the darkness took over.

X~x~X

Edward lay on the sofa and wondered what he was watching, it had been all dramatic and guns had blazed but now people were singing, badly, so he suspected the movie had ended and another show was on. He idly flicked through the channels and paused now and then, but nothing made sense so he tried until he found the block of music channels and found a selection of My Chemical Romance film clips. He watched the band painted up for The Black Parade and let the words drum inside his head.

It occurred to him the songs probably sounded better under the influence of drugs and he wondered where one scored drugs in Forks. Maybe they would take him away for brief spells on a holiday from the pain. Carlisle's drugs were doing nothing but make him drowsy and drowsy wasn't helping.

He looked up at the sound of the front door opening and Charlie Swan walked inside, holding an elaborately adorned urn.

"Edward, I listened to what you said, you are right, they don't belong in the ground. Come with me, son, and we will free them to fly wherever they prefer."

Charlie handed him the container and Edward kissed the lid before opening it and shaking the ashes free as the wind caught them and blew them out above the sea as the men stood on the clifftop and only the waves below bore witness. Charlie surprised Edward by repeating lyrics of a song , not from Charlie's era but from his own.

"I will kiss your burning embers

I will watch them die

I will catch your soul escaping

As the ashes fly."

Edward stepped forward and blew two kisses into the wind.

"Don't know what to do anymore

I've lost the only love worth fighting for

And I'll drown in my tears, don't they see?

And that would show you. That would make you hurt like me."

"I do hurt like you do, Edward. I am Bella's dad, I lost my baby girl too, and I lost her baby girl as well."

Edward stood shoulder to shoulder to the man who maybe did understand and nodded.

X~x~X  
Life was in danger of becoming one endless hateful blur but naturally Fate had more pain in store and Edward was actually glad he had no room to fit any extra in. He couldn't suffer any further so he felt he alone was spared when it happened.

It started with a phone call.

Alice was sitting at his feet, as he lay in his usual place on the sofa downstairs. She was rubbing his feet and chatting inanely about nothing in particular.

Her cell ringtone interrupted and she pulled it from her pocket.

"Rose? What's up?"

"Sure, no worries, I will be right there."

She closed the phone, kissed Edward's cheek and waved at Esme as she walked in with a tray of coffees.

"Gotta go, Rose needs break or I think she may well have a breakdown. Emmett's taking her to lunch and I am minding the munchkin. Later."

She ran for the car, excited there would be some ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak day. The baby was three weeks old already and as gorgeous as possible.

One day she and Jasper would have a dozen just like him, but hopefully there would be some girls amongst the boys.

Which gender did she prefer? She had never really thought about it. Maybe she would get lucky and have mixed twins like Esme. Alice smiled at the idea.

"Jasmine and Alistair. Alison and Jackson. Jaslyn and Alex. Jasmine and Jaxon maybe. Jasmine Whitlock. Jaxon Whitlock. I like."

She ran into the clapboard house and looked for the baby.

"Alice, believe me, when Emmerson is asleep, you leave him that way. He's in his pram, if you take him outside and rock it every time he makes a peep, you will keep him asleep until we get back and that is desirable."

"I want to play with him," Alice moaned.

"Later. He is due for a feed at two then after that, believe me, he does not shut his eyes again until around five so you are officially in charge of playing with my son until bath time."

"Yay!" said Alice, jumping lightly on her tiptoes and clapping silently.

"I have to finish our last assigned reading matter for English and I'm halfway through it so I hear and obey."

"How does this dress look? I'm as fat as an elephant or something," Rose moaned.

"You are as fat as an average person, you are just used to being stick thin," Alice replied. "You look beautiful, as always. Now, go, have fun, stop off for some nookie in the forest on the way home. I can heat a bottle and feed Emmerson if you are late, you know."

"Thanks for that," Rose growled.

"What?" said Alice, confused.

"No nookie until six weeks after delivery. We have three more weeks of drought before we get to sneak off for that so mark your calendar because you are booked to mind Emmerson all night when that date happens."

Alice laughed and waved at Rose as she ran out to the car when Emmett pulled up and sounded the horn.

"Bye, have fun. Rose, you could still do you-know," she laughed, sucking on a finger.

Rose laughed.

"Not until he can return the favor," she said out of the car window.

"Rubbish, get some credits stacked up then cash them in one night and wear his tongue out," Alice laughed and shut the door quietly.

Emmerson fussed quietly in his sleep and Alice decided what they needed was a brisk walk around the playground behind the house. She eased the pram out of the backdoor and walked in the gentle sun and sang quietly.

"Ah, God, sorry, not that song. Edward's emo shit is getting embedded into my brain. Something happy."

The baby settled and she took him back and sat on the outdoor lounger on the small patio and read her book. It was so boring, how could Bella have enjoyed reading this stuff from choice?

Bella's loss was still too raw so Alice closed off that thought and concentrated on the book.

Pride and Prejudice. God, women at least had it better these days. All those bloody petticoats for one. And the long puffy drawers, not exactly something your boyfriend would want to dive a hand inside.

The sound of the car returning and the smack as the front door closed behind Emmett and Rose alerted her it was probably almost feedtime.

Rose appeared at her side and checked the baby.

"Did he sleep the whole time?"

"Yep, good as gold but is it time for his bottle yet? I didn't wear my watch."

"Come and help me make some coffee, we may get another five minutes peace first."

Alice checked the cat net was firmly in place and the girls went inside.

"Holy shit, come see this," Emmett called and they rushed to his side at the front door.

A tall and very nicely built young lady was walking past, dressed in only a body stocking and her long reddish hair was being swept about in the wind.

She smiled and waved at the curious spectators watching her and Alice laughed.

"God, what a nerve. Maybe she is advertising her new porn site. Jug's boiling."

She dashed to the kitchen and took the mugs from the mugtree and as she turned a movement caught her eye.

She stared at the face in the window and suddenly her head was spinning and memories poured in, too fast to understand but she knew.

"James" she whispered, falling to the floor.

Emmett turned at the sound of the mugs breaking on the floor tiles and ran to Alice.

"Shit, she fainted. Clear the junk off the couch, I will put her there."

Rose tossed the pile of clean but yet to be folded clothes onto the chair beside her and put a cushion where Alice's head would lie.

"What do we do, slap her face?" Emmett asked.

"I'll get a cold cloth," Rose said, hurrying to the bathroom and she stroked the facecloth across Alice's forehead. Ali's eyes started to move frantically behind her eyelids.

"Nooooo!" she screamed as she sat up, choking for air, grasping at her throat with both hands.

"Fuck, get Carlisle" Rose yelled and threw Emmett the cell.

"You call, I'll try and hold her down," Emmett replied.

Carlisle was with them minutes later and he took one look at his daughter and called an ambulance.

"It had to happen one day, I was a fool to think otherwise."

He took a syringe from his bag and inserted deep in the muscle of Alice's arm.

She dropped like a stone.

"Well, I imagine all that screaming woke the baby. Where is he?" Carlisle asked as he waited to take his daughter back to her sanctuary.

X~x~X

Charlie Swan looked at the empty pram and the distraught couple in front of him. Carlisle was agitated, unsure who needed him most.

Alice was out of it, a nurse could get her into bed when the ambulance arrived, he didn't need to be there yet.

Rose and Emmett needed him now, as Rose pawed at the blankets again and again, as if there was a chance a ten pound baby was hidden inside them.

Esme needed him to watch Edward while she cooked dinner. He was completely untrustworthy out of their sight and had overdosed twice this week despite their vigilance.

Fuck.

He called his wife and explained why he would not be home just yet and heard her cry out in distress.

Great, and she had nobody to comfort her, Edward was useless.

Less than useless, he was a constant burden these days, not that they resented looking after him.

Carlisle wondered how much more any of them could bear.

X~x~X

Edward sat up and faced Esme and pulled her down onto his couch.

"What's happened, Mom? Tell me."

"Alice remembered. Carlisle had to sedate her and have an ambulance take her to the hospital."

"Fuck. Mom, go. I promise I won't move, I will sit right here and not use anything. I mean it, go."

"There's more," she said, looking into Edward's eyes.

"Emmett and Rose's baby has been taken. He was asleep in the pram on the patio and somebody took him. Your father thinks it was James. He says that's the only reason Alice would collapse like that, she must have seen him out the window. God, what would a monster like that want with a newborn?"

"Right, come on, I will come with you. I have to call Jasper then we are going to Emm's place."

Jasper chose to go straight to the hospital and promised to call for updates on the baby but he needed to be with Alice. Edward and Esme crowded into the house and watched the police put up tape to keep the evidence intact but Rose had tossed everything from the pram onto the ground and was now shivering in her drug induced sleep in Emmett's arms.

Charlie approached Carlisle.

"What the fuck is James doing now? We have to find the baby, you know we have about a 24 hour window or the odds of getting him back plummet."

X~x~X

James and Victoria entered the office and were offered a seat.

"So, this is your baby. You are sure you don't wish to keep him? I must remind you, there is no way of getting him back once you sign him over to us."

"We can't, sadly," James said."We just aren't ready for parenthood. He needs a stable home and parents who can provide for him. We have nothing."

He rubbed his hand on Victoria's shoulder.

"One day, sweetness, one day we will have another baby and keep it."

Victoria dried a non existent tear from her eye.

"It's for the best. We only want what's best for little Victor. We would prefer he was placed with a couple far away across the country."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want his Mommy here to get upset if she saw him growing up with his new family right under our noses."

"That's not a problem. We have thousands of couples in every state. I have a wonderful couple in Ohio I'm thinking of. Wonderful people, farm, big house, family money. Your son would want for nothing."

James handed over the forged papers, the birth certificate, the paternity test proving he was the father, and sat back.

"Yes siree, little Victor will be better off in a whole new family," he said.


	12. Chapter 12

The Waiting Game

Chapter 12

Just Desserts

"How's Edward today?" Jasper asked, walking past Carlisle through the front door of the Cullen's house.

"Alive," said the tired and worried man who looked a good fifteen years older lately. "That's as good as it gets these days, Jasper. How's Alice?"

"The same as always. I just need a change of scenery. It gets a little hard in there sometimes, when she either lays there staring or goes into a screaming frenzy. She had one last night so they sedated her again. She'll sleep around the clock, I thought I may as well come here and be of some use. Do you and Esme want me to stay with Edward today so you can do something normal?"

"Thanks, Jasper, this is normal now, for us. Esme cooks and makes him eat and drags his clothes off him and pushes him into the shower, I drag him out and dress him, he either sleeps or plays the piano or stares at the TV. I'm sure he has found another dealer. His eyes are wrong again, he's on something but I can't find his stash. If you got any clues from him where the drugs are hidden, that would be helpful."

"Carlisle, I just...life just sucks all round. You have two kids and they both wish they were dead. It's gotta be so hard for you and Mrs C."

"It's a nightmare, Jasper and one I fear we will never wake up from. Esme is all that keeps me going to be honest. Some days I wonder why we are even fighting to keep Edward alive. It's not like things will ever get better. It's not like if he is here long enough, Bella will return to life and the baby will get her chance to live. Why are we making him stay? He does not want to live in a world where Bella doesn't exist and we fight 24/7 to make sure he does stay but what's the point?

If it wasn't for Esme, I think I would damn well let him make his own choices and have it over. I feel like I am neglecting Alice by being here so much with Edward, but he has nobody. Alice has you."

"I love Alice, she is my reason for living and when it gets really bad, I just think of Bella and know, at least Alice is alive. At least there's hope one day she will walk out that door again and come home to me. That's never going to happen for Edward. He has no hope because there is no hope."

Esme walked down the stairs and smiled.

"How are you today, Jasper?"

"You know. Just needed a change of scenery, Ali had a bad night and they put her under so I thought you and Carlisle maybe would like some time off. I can stay with Edward."

"Thanks, sweetie but you have enough on your plate with Alice. Edward is our responsibility."

"Come on, Mrs C. Everyone deserves a day off, go out, have a coffee, buy something pretty. You look tired and done in."

Esme sat beside her husband.

"We are coping, aren't we, Carlisle? At least we have him. I saw Charlie the other day when I was getting in some groceries. That man is amazing. He is going on, doing his job as well as ever. You wouldn't know how much he has lost if you avoided looking into his eyes. Edward actually spoke to Charlie, so that was good. I think he knows Charlie suffers as much as he does but it does mystify Edward how the man functions like a normal person when he can't."

"Yeah, I know. Some days I wonder how any of us get up of a morning. So, go put on your glad rags and get outa here. The boy and I will be fine, don't worry about him."

"Carlisle?" Esme asked, looking at her husbands face.

Carlisle got the message. His wife needed to get away for just a few hours and pretend they lived like normal people just for a while.

"Go, honey, get your make up on and wear that sundress I like, with the daisies, it looks good on you."

Esme blushed.

"That dress should be worn by someone a lot younger than me but I do like it, it's...sunny. Happy. Reminds me of when the twins were kids and we went on picnics and cookouts, and their birthday parties. They were good parties, weren't they, Jasper?"

"Mrs C, you threw the best parties. We all looked forward every year to what you would dish up every June 20th. I remember all those parties fondly. I get a lot of time to think back to the good days now. Yeah, a lot of thinking time, a lot of good memories."

Esme smiled and hurried upstairs to change.

Carlisle touched Jasper's arm.

"Jasper, I just want to say, I know you are not superhuman and I know Edward can be devious, and when he has his wits about him, he does find ways to escape. What I am trying to say is, he spends every lucid minute of his life thinking of ways to end his torture and be with Bella and Renesmee. If he should succeed on your watch, we would never hold anything against you. I have pumped his stomach, shot him full of Naloxone so many times seconds before it would have been too late... I know you have no more ability to keep him alive than we do. If he succeeds Jasper, then don't let it haunt you. I hate leaving him in your care for that reason alone."

"Don't worry, Carlisle. Nobody dies on my watch but I know that superior brain of his will beat one of us one day. I just want to spend time with him while he is here."

Jasper waved them off then headed up to Edward's room.

"Fuck, let's change the music, how about something that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists?" he said as he entered the bedroom. Edward had been showered and dressed but his face was rough with several days growth and his eyes were jet black and dead.

"Fuck off."

"Good idea. Nice to see you, too. Come on, Edward, let's do as you suggest and get the fuck out of here. These walls have got to need a break from your emo ass. It's lucky you have no neighbors, they'd have all topped themselves by now, listening to this shit day in day out."

"I like My Chemical Romance. They know how I feel."

"We all know how you feel. Come on, man, let's find us some sun and just enjoy being alive for once."

Edward stood unsteadily.

"Great, that's it, one foot in front of the other. You can do it."

"Shut the fuck up, Jasper. I am neither an infant nor retarded."

"Yeah well tell Esme that. I'm sure she feels like she is looking after a retarded infant most of the time. Do you remember how to shave? You don't look pretty when your face has that much growth on it. Want me to shave you?"

"Sure, you got a cut throat razor because I could sure make use of one of those motherfuckers."

"Yeah, cheery thought. Sit, shut up,and let me do this."

Jasper blunted several disposal shavers but he got the animal off Edward's face and smiled at the clean shaven reflection of his friend.

"See, Edward is still pretty. You know Bella's still watching down on you and she always liked a pretty Edward so try and remember that."

He flicked Edward's wristband.

"What Would Bella Do? Kick your ass for not even trying to live, that's what."

"She's the one who died and left me, Jasper."

"She fought to stay for you, Edward, you know that."

"Yeah, she did," he said quietly. "Where are we going? Clifftops at La Push are nice this time of the year."

"I'm sure. No, I was thinking the park, there's some sort of hippie festival thing on, at least you will be amongst fellow drug abusers. Carlisle wants me to find your stash. What are you on lately?"

"A little crack, a little regular cocaine. Can't find anyone with heroin but maybe today that will change. Come on, now I am looking forward to this." Edward grabbed his wallet from his secret hidey hole and grinned. He had managed to have his wits about himself long enough to almost empty one of his accounts before his parents froze every credit card and cash card he owned. He had thousands in cash. More than he would ever need in this lifetime because he didn't plan to be here a whole heap longer.

One day they would slip up and he had enough drugs stashed in secret places to beat them all.

Jasper sighed and walked to the car.

"No way, I drive. You may want to wrap yourself around a fucking tree but while Alice lives and breathes, you are not taking me with you."

"You call that living, Jasper? You really are an optimistic fucker. You can't still think one day my sister is going to snap out of it and be normal again. She already had her fucking miracle last time she woke up and forgot what James did to her. I don't think the universe will give her another remission like that, Jas."

Jasper drove quickly but safely to the large parkland in the middle of Forks and parked.

"Hey, the Chief's here. Come say howdy to Charlie. Looks like he has his hands full with these children of God."

He and Edward crossed the field, Jasper watching Edward as he scanned the crowd, looking for his dealers past and present no doubt.

"Charlie, how's it going? Unruly crowd?"

"Nah, a bunch of tree huggers and peace advocates won't cause us any problems. I'm mainly here to make sure they don't park on the garden beds. I guess they will have stolen every flower to put in their hair anyway. Men in dresses are not a big threat."

"Kaftans. I often wonder why we don't all wear them., They look kinda roomy and cool. Edward here is having a day out."

Music began to blast their ears and Charlie nodded and lead the way to the edge of the clearing where the noise was slightly lesser.

"Edward, good to see you."

Edward shook Charlie's hand and saw the man notice the tracks on his inner elbow.

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'm not shooting up at present. Carlisle keeps too close an eye on me, now he's quit working. I don't get to piss alone these days."

"She wouldn't want this, you know, Edward. She would be crying her heart out to see you like this. She loves you. And Renesmee doesn't need to see her father in this state. Be strong for them."

"Charlie, if they were here I would be the best fucking father and husband this crappy town ever saw but they aren't. Don't you get it? It all means shit now. There's nothing to be strong for."

"What about your sister? She could come to and need you there for her, Edward. Jasper is not the only person Alice loves."

Edward sat on the grass and started pulling up blades of grass and sucking on them before tossing them aside and getting a replacement. Charlie raised an eyebrow at Jasper, and sat down beside Edward.

"Motherfucker," Jasper suddenly said, disappearing at a run into the crowd.

Edward laughed and lay back on the grass.

"You should follow him, Charlie. That can't be good, Jasper rarely swears and he only hates one person enough to run like that. I think that fucker James may be here."

"I can't leave you. Where's my cell? Morgan, Ericson, get over here, near the tie dye clothing stand, there's reason to believe James Laurent is in the crowd, keep a look out for him and for Jasper Whitlock. I want them both held. No rough stuff with Whitlock but do what you cough, need to, cough, with Laurent."

"You should follow him Charlie. If Jasper gets his hands on that fucker there will be nothing but ashes blowing in the wind," he laughed.

"I should be on what you are on. You're laughing," Charlie said, his eyes darting around, looking through the crowd for a disturbance.

A woman screamed and Charlie hesitated then dashed away.

"He killed him!" she screamed, and several other girls in the vicinity joined in the screaming.

"He kicked him in the back and when he fell to the ground, he jumped on him and snapped his neck! That man was not doing anything. He was innocently talking to us, and that madman killed him."

Charlie looked down at the scene before him. James Laurent looked very dead. His head lay at an odd angle and Jasper was sitting beside the body, laughing out loud, tears pouring down his face.

"That's for Alice, you fucking bastard."

"Fuck," said Charlie. All these witnesses.

All these fucking witnesses.

Why hadn't Jasper taken the fucker into the forest where an 'accident with a wandering bear' may have occurred? Or a cliff fall. These things happen and he would have been the first to call in Carlisle for confirmation the man had died of a heart attack then fell and broke his worthless neck.

"Jasper, I'm going to have to take you in," he said sadly.

Jasper stood and held his wrists out together in front of him.

"It was fucking worth it, Charlie. I dont care what you do to me, that was for Alice and Rose and Emmett and their baby. I feel wonderful, I haven't felt this fucking good for years."

Edward was sitting on the cruiser bonnet when they got to the parking lot.

"Charlie, take me in too. When we get to the station, let Jasper go and arrest me. I will plead guilty, I won't cause you any bother at all. Alice needs him."

"I would but there are a hundred witnesses."

"Stick a fucking blanket over my head. Once you put me in your jail, I will shave my head or dye my hair black, they won't know it's not Jasper. These are a bunch of people who fried their brains over the years with weed ,they couldn't possibly have studied Jasper that closely, they were all looking at James' body. They will never know it's me and not him. We are both tall and skinny. Charlie, please man, this is the best way. You should have let me kill him, you fucker," he growled at Jasper.

"I'm going to plead insanity and get locked up with Alice. Relax Edward," Jasper replied.

xxx

Carlisle shook his head.

"Edward wouldn't survive a week locked up, Charlie. He will get his hands on drugs and overdose. I will get Jasper the best defence attorney in the country. He has the best chance of getting a light sentence. James never did anything to Edward, but Jasper could get a lot of public sympathy. We'll use Emmett on the stand, once they hear about how he saved the bastard's life when he was a teenager and how James stole their baby and sold it, there will not be a dry eye in the court room. He may come out of it with a suspended sentence. We will all testify. I can get Alice's medical records released. Justifiable homicide."

Charlie nodded and scratched his head.

"There's one other option. He could 'escape' tonight when I'm on duty. If he had say money and a fast car and a roadmap to Canada..."

"He would never run and leave Alice. But thanks, Charlie."

"Yeah, no problem."

Edward was silent on the trip home, and Carlisle knew that was not good.

"Okay, what did you score?"

Edward laughed.

"Frisk me, Dad. I already took it."

Carlisle rang Esme and told her to get out the Narcan.

**Okay, who's ready for the HEA? Supernatural, remember. I did tell you ALL to trust me. I'll put the Epilogue up tonight if there's enough reviews. I'm thinking if it gets to 200 would be fair?**


	13. Chapter 13

**This is for everyone who trusted me! And for Katelin, who stood for 4 hours in line to get a photo of RPatz autographed for a surprise for me, and she isn't even a fan of his! Thanks, Katelin, I shall treasure it. Still not going to see him in Sydney, I dont want to have to admit he's 25! Augh! I'd have to throw out my GQ's and Vanity Fairs etc.**

The Waiting Game

Chapter 13/Epilogue

THE GOOD DEED THAT WENT UNPUNISHED

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Edward's POV

"Guys," my father said, walking around the couch so he was facing us. "Have you ever heard of lucid dreaming?"

I nodded, uninterested as always. Emmett shrugged.

"It's a state where the dreamer knows he is dreaming and controls the dreams. There's been a lot of studies done lately and one doctor thinks he can take it a step further and you can actually take yourself back in time, to any time in your own lifetime only, and any place you have ever been, and change things. You two have nothing to lose so I wondered if you were interested in trying it? Edward would not be suitable because of the medications he takes but if it works for you, Emmett, it may encourage my son to make an effort to get off his drugs and do this himself. We could maybe change things for your wife by this experiment if it works."

"I would do anything to end Rosie's pain, you know that. Bring it on," Emmett said. Rosalie spent her life in Malls, in parks and playgrounds, peering desperately into prams and baby slings and car seats, always searching. Searching but never finding.

Aro Volturi from the Volturi Medical Science Group arrived a few days later and examined us, and announced Emmett would fit into the range of patients useful to his research. I, as predicted, needed to get off all medication first but Aro wanted me to participate in the first part.

"Edward, Emmett, write down main thing in your life you would change and be very specific. We need to be able to date these things accurately and know exactly when they occurred so no vague half forgotten memories."

I picked up the pen and thought of the most life changing event I had experienced, and where it began. What should I change for the best outcome? I wondered if Aro was on drugs to think he could do this and if so, what drugs? I could do with some of those drugs, they gave hallucinations of hope of the impossible.

" It might help to write down several events and then talk through each of them and then chose the one thing. In order of importance, not chronological."

I wrote carefully, thinking this through. My brain had been on holiday for so long it loved the feeling of being required to work again.

1) The day Bella left me in NY. I would take her to Carlisle instead and make her live with my parents and have him do a pregnancy test, then keep her with me and make sure she kept every doctor's visit throughout her pregnancy. More than anything in this world, I wanted my soulmate and daughter back. Tanya I would kick to the curb.

2) The day Alice was raped by James. I would like to keep her home with us and not let her leave our sight.

3) I wanted to pass, on the offer Tanya made me of ridding us of our v cards. Would going back that far change everything? I wanted to change the whole Tanya thing regardless but what would get me the future I wanted?

Emmett handed his sheet of paper over.

"Only one event, Emmett? You are sure?"

"Changing that one event would change everything that followed. All the bad shit that happened to Rosie and others would have never occurred if I could undo that one good deed."

"Okay, Emmett, seeing you are certain, I am going to attempt this today, now. Do you have the date?"

"I remember exactly when this happened. Edward was turning fourteen that day, we were celebrating his birthday at the creek before the official party that afternoon."

"Okay, come inside with me. Will this event change anything Edward has written?"

Emmett read my three items.

"Yep, it makes number two not happen and I could tell him not to go with number three because it was still in his future. He left for Alaska the next day."

"Are you alright with that, Edward? There may be only one thing you need to change if this works."

"Sure, Doc," I agreed. This was so much bull shit I would probably catch a nap while he fucked with Emmett's head.

I watched my father and the quack take Emmett into the next room and realised I was alone. For once in forever, I was completely unsupervised. I walked silently to where I kept a stash of drugs ready for just such an occasion. They were everywhere. Like an alcoholic hides bottles in every room, I hide little bags of bad pills and vials of pain relief of the illegal kind.

In case time was short, I swallowed every pill in the bag. The blue ones, the green, the black and red and brown.

I slid my father's drawer open and helped myself to a disposable syringe and filled it, with hands that shook with desperation and anticipation. I only needed a couple more seconds of privacy. Carlisle had left one of his grey handmade silk ties over the back of his chair. I was sorry to be destroying it this way but my need was greater than his.

Tying off my left arm, I tapped the veins impatiently. Yes, this one was just as needy and ready as the rest of me.

I primed the needle and slid it home into my best vein and fell back against the sofa arm, lifting my legs up onto the seat so I was lying down and they would think me merely asleep. I should hide the syringe, I knew that. I slid the needle from my arm and tossed the bringer of instant joy under my father's desk and lay my head back on the cushion my mother had spent hours making with her needlepoint. My hand loosened the tie and it dropped to the floor as the tsunami of pleasure hit.

I fixed my eyes on the photo of me with my Bella on my father's wall and smiled as my body suddenly burned like it was in the fires of Hell.

I may have used a little too much in my haste, but more was better, right?

My sight dimmed and I struggled, no, I want to see my Bella. Don't do this, I need to see her.

My heart was racing, loudly, echoing in the room. I tried to breathe and my body ignored the command.

Deep black velvet wrapped around me.

Then the fog lifted.

"Mommy, look, Daddy has come to be with us."

I opened my eyes. I was in a meadow, filled with wildflowers of all colors and running towards me were the two people I loved with all my heart.

"Bella! Bella, my Bella. My beautiful Bella! Renesmee! I missed you two so much."

"Finally, Edward. You don't know how long I waited for you," my beautiful Bella said, her voice trilling with happiness.

"I came to keep my promise, Bella. I promised you eternity."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try

to fix you

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Emmett's POV

"Jasper, help me toss this loser into the creek," Edward laughed, at fourteen he was not yet tall and no match for me alone. Jasper was into weight lifting at the moment and as strong as. He was wiry but his arms were lethal weapons.

I struggled but the bastard had a firm hold on my ankles and Edward lifted me by the shoulders, grinning hugely.

"Help! Somebody help me."

The two boys stopped trying to toss me into the creek and turned to the woman screaming.

"My son, James, he's drowning. Over there, he went underwater and I think his legs may be trapped on something submerged."

"I'll go, I'm the strongest and best swimmer. Edward, Jasper, run home and get Carlisle."

"Emm, that's too far away, he would take.."

"Edward, do it. Now."

Jasper looked into my eyes and nodded. He pulled me aside.

"Carlisle is at the hospital gala with Esme and Alice, not at home, you know that, right?" he whispered.

"I do. Just go. Believe me, Jasper, it has to be this way. I will explain later. Go."

Jasper grabbed Edward's arm.

"Come on, we have to hurry."

"Where exactly did he go in?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. My memories of our entire lives were still intact. This was my chance to make our lives better and save Alice and Rose and our baby Emmerson from a monster.

"Right there, next to the fallen tree. Maybe it has long roots and his legs are caught."

I walked into the water and dived under, keeping my eyes peeled for James. He wasn't hard to find again and he was indeed being held underwater by roots of the fallen tree, exactly the same as he had been last time this happened..

I swam to the surface.

"Found him, stay there, I will need your help when I get him out. I can't co CPR alone, James life depends on you staying right there. And be quiet, your yelling is upsetting him and making him panic."

I did not want this woman running any further up this pathway near the creek. There would shortly be a man walking his dog along the other path that converged with this one and he would help if she attracted his attention. I didn't want that. If she stayed here, he would never know and would wander further afield, chasing his dog. He was an orthopedic surgeon and knew how to lift an unconscious boy from the water without damaging his body . Last time he left the dog and helped James.

I took a large breath, held it, and dived under.

James' panicked movements meant I couldn't get close but I swam towards his legs and grabbed ineffectually at them.

He kicked me hard and I swam to the surface, gasping, feeling the bruise spread across my cheek. Just like last time.

"Nearly there, just stay here," I yelled at James' mother and went under again.

I did try, but not in the way I could have, with the knowledge I had gained later in life. I did what the average fourteen year old boy would do, and grabbed at his shoulders. He was struggling harder and I tugged him so his head was above water and he gasped in a deep breath, then he submerged again as I let his body go and worked on snapping more roots.

He was panicking again, and I grabbed him around the neck in a headlock to stop his thrashing. He made one more Herculean effort to shake me off and I swear I heard his neck break, and his movements instantly stopped. I lifted him to the surface and his mother took over from me.

Mrs Laurent ran into the water and pulled him up the bank, with no help from me. I did not caution her about his spinal injury. What 14 year old would?

"You do the mouth to mouth, I will do the chest compressions," I said.

His was blue, and still.

We worked on him, together, until the ambulance finally came but it was only then his broken neck was diagnosed.

Carlisle immobilised his body on a back board and patted my back.

"Emmett, you saved his life. We'll talk more later. You did well, son. You tried your best with your limited knowledge."

Yes. My limited knowledge. I knew more than Carlisle ever would.

They took James' away and I had my bruised face on the front page of the local newspaper the next day. Just like last time but this time the headline was slightly different, not so jubilant. Not a complete save, not two boys coming out of the trauma unscathed.

LOCAL HERO SAVES FRIEND, BOY SADLY LEFT QUADRIPLEGIC, WILL BE IN WHEELCHAIR FOR LIFE UNABLE TO MOVE FROM THE NECK DOWN

Local boy Emmett McCarty bravely dived repeatedly underwater to save the life of his friend James Laurent who had dived into the creek, landing in the submerged roots of a fallen tree. McCarty managed to free James but unfortunately the victim tried to free himself in panic and snapped his spine at the neck. Not knowing this, the victims mother pulled him from the water and repositioned his head to perfrom CPR and damaged the spinal cord irreparably.

X~x~X

"I don't think we should go to Alaska this year. Emmett's parents are away, I don't feel comfortable sending him to stay with Jasper's mom. There's no man in the house since his Dad left her. I think we should cancel and maybe go next break instead," Esme said, putting a bag of frozen peas on my black cheek.

"What do you think, Emmett? Would you prefer to stay with us? We don't have to go to the Denali's house every year. One year won't make a difference," Carlisle assured me.

"Well, I would like you and Mrs Cullen and Edward here with me, until I recover from the shock," I answered. I tried to look shocked.

"Then it's decided," Esme said and picked up the phone, changing history.

"Oh Tanya dear, we won't be coming this year after all. Could you explain to Kate and Irina, we have a family crisis and I will talk to Kate next week. No, dear, we cannot send Edward alone, his friend needs him here. Bye now, you take care."

"I think Tanya was looking forward to Edward's visit, she didn't seem bothered the rest of us wouldn't be coming."

"He's a teenage boy, she's a teenage girl. They may have had plans," Carlisle grinned.

"Carlisle, he is fourteen, there will be none of that happening until he is at least out of High School. Really, all young people think about is sex. You are going to save yourself for the right girl, aren't you Emmett?"

I looked up at her.

"You know what, Mrs C, I am going to."

I hadn't thought of that, I could bypass the whole manwhore bit altogether and wait for Rosie, like she waited for me.

I went upstairs to Edward's room where he was talking online to an irate Tanya.

"So, she is pretty pissed you two won't get to cash your v cars together after all," I smirked.

"Fuck my life. She says that some douche is pretty keen to do it for her so she is going off to find and fuck him. Bitch."

"I never liked her, Edward. Really, by the next time you go there, she will be skanky and disease ridden. You should stay well away, you don't want your dick to get polluted and drop off."

"Hey, she will be experienced by then, she could teach me some stuff," he replied. It seemed I had to be a little more proactive. Bella would thank me for this. If she only knew!

I wandered downstairs again. Mrs C was watering her indoor plants.

"Sorry to spoil your trip. Is Kate the one Edward says is hot for Carlisle?" I asked innocently.

Esme turned and looked at me.

"Kate is hot for my husband?"

"Edward said she had some plan to ambush him when he was a little tipsy over his Christmas eggnog and have her way with him while you took Tanya and Alice to the Christmas Carols."

"Well, I have a feeling we may be vacationing elsewhere in future. I can't have my husband and my son corrupted by those girls. Honestly, I thought they were better friends than that. Thank you Emmett."

I smiled.

Edward and Alice were trying to push one another down the staircase and Carlisle slapped Edward and told him to behave.

"Emmett came up with a great idea. How about we all go to California for our vacation and maybe stop renting out our investment beach cottage so we can go every break? Beaches, bikini's, it has to more fun than all that damned snow in Alaska. What do you think?" Esme asked brightly.

"Hells yeah," Edward answered.

"I think I would look awesome in a bikini," Alice said with a laugh.

Jasper knocked on the front door and came inside.

"Hey Jas, come to my room," Edward said and the three of us ran up the stairs.

We sat on Edward's bed and I suddenly held my head.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

"Ever since I saved James and was underwater so long, I keep seeing these visions of the future. Like, two different visions. Good and bad, we get to choose which path to follow."

"What are my choices?" Edward asked.

"You fuck Tanya and it fucks your life and you lose your soulmate and kid over it."

"I fuck Tanya?" he said. Naturally that was the only bit he heard.

"It's not a good thing Edward. The girl you fall in love with leaves you because you cash in your v card with Tanya. You really love this girl and everything gets fucked up because of what you did. You need to save yourself because the girl is really hot, way hotter than Tanya."

"When do I meet her?"

"You know her already but Freshman year you two get cosy. It's a lifetime love, Edward, you and she will last forever and have a kid and be really happy, you just have to make sure she is your first."

"Tell me her name."

"It's Bella, Alice's friend. Bella Swan."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"She's okay."

"She's okay now, she is going to be fuck hot and she believes in pre marital sex and she and you will be doing it in High School once you two fall in love. So, you will still get laid but a lot more often if you save yourself for her."

"What if I choose Tanya?"

"Then you will regret it until your dying day. She will cheat on you and try and make you raise some other guy's kid. And the baby you have with Bella will die, and so will she. And you."

"Fuck, Emmett, not funny."

"I know, Edward. Not funny, heavy stuff. You choose. But you know the choices."

I turned to my other best friend.

"Jasper, my man. I have four words for you. Alice, Happy Ever After."

Jasper blushed and Edward threw a pillow at him.

"Really? You and Alice? I guess that way we get to be brothers. Cool, Jas. You treat her right."

"He will."

"So, Mystic Emmett, who do you get to tap? Half the population of Forks, no doubt," Edward asked, scowling.

"I could but I won't. I am saving myself for Rosalie Hale."

"Rose? Nah, she likes me."

"Yes, but you don't fancy her. She will change her mind and choose me."

"That's good. I'm sick of her following me around like a lost puppy. Dates, Emmett, when do I get to tap Bella?"

"Be patient. I'm seeing a trip to New York, a hotel bedroom. You two competing to be America's Top Student. And Edward, don't get married until you graduate from college. Do us all a favor and don't be so frantic to grow up. Good things come to he who waits."

Edward walked to his balcony and leaned on the railing.

"Bella Swan. I can see that, she will look good when the braces go and she stops doing her hair in those Heidi plaits. She has a good rack already."

Jasper was watching Edward's sister as the two girls ran about, trying to perfect jogging, talking loudly as they circled the yard.

"I have to go, Alice. Charlie said I have to make dinner all by myself for once so it's going to take forever. I wish he would just take us to the diner," Bella complained.

"What are you making?" she asked.

"Something easy. Maybe spaghetti with meat sauce? Is that hard to make?"

Alice shrugged.

"I wouldn't know, Mom never lets me in the kitchen. I'll come with you, I want to go to the library anyway."

"Are you allowed to walk that far on your own?" Bella asked, worriedly.

"Bella, I am fourteen, not four. What could happen?"

What indeed. But it didn't happen yet, today, it happened when they got back from Alaska.

Oh, no Alaska.

The time line had changed.

Had removing James from the equation stopped Alice's rape or would someone else now do it? I had no guide book to inform me.

"Come on guys, we are walking Bella home and going to the library with Alice."

Jasper smiled and Edward smirked and high fived him.

"We really should look after those girls and Rose, you never know what sort of predator is out there. Let's agree they go nowhere alone without us?" I urged.

"Worse than us? You really think I'm not the most dangerous thing out there? With my killer looks and abundance of charm?" Edward asked, combing his hair into a quiff and frowning as it collapsed back down his forehead.

"Fucking stupid hair," he grumbled and grabbed his birthday gift from his parents, a black leather jacket that made him look fuck hot. Even us guys saw that.

I sighed, I had a feeling I was in for some hard work, keeping this boy pure and untouched until Bella Swan rocked his world.

"And when we start at Fork's High School we should all sit together. You know they do that thing where the Populars sit on one side and the Unpopulars on the other? Let's form our own group and all sit together and ignore that shit."

I sank into my skinny twin bed that night and smiled. So far, so good. Edward had flirted with a blushing Bella all the way to her house. Jasper and Alice had dropped behind, to talk in private, and I made up the middle row, alone.

I could wait and I would wait. I remembered my first time and decided to behave in class and not get to be alone in detention with the student teacher aid, sweet Susie Taylor.

She was not taking my v card this time around.

I was saving that for Rosie.

I could hear my parents chatting as sleep overtook me and when I awoke, I felt the reminders of yesterday pour into my head.

"Emmett, you lazy bastard, get up."

I opened my eyes and jerked in surprise.

Jasper was there, standing at my door. He was sixteen as his hair was dyed black.

"The girls are here. Edward's already taken Bella down to the creek, and Alice is waiting for me. Guess who they brought with them?"

"Who?" I said apathetically. What did I care?

"Rosalie. She wants to talk to you, Emmett. And she has a bikini on and just this see through shirt-dress thing over it. See through, Emmett."

I was out of bed, showered and dressed in five seconds flat.

Bella was squealing in the water and Edward was splashing her then he turned and ran out, picking up his monster beachtowel.

"Hey, Swan, what to share my towel?"

Bella walked out, frowning but she laughed when he threw it over her and pulled her down onto the sand and cocooned them both away from prying eyes. The squirming and laughing indicated they were enjoying a little harmless fun. They were nowhere near ready yet, Edward knew that but he was well on the way to falling in love with her . Damn boy does everything earlier than most boys his age. Sixteen and already he knows his own heart.

Sitting around a bonfire that night, Rose and I shared our first kiss, Jasper and Alice their maybe third? Edward and Bella their 164th probably. Boy never leaves her lips alone.

Next morning, my bed felt shorter and narrower. I stretched and hit the wall with my arms. I guess I grew overnight.

Edward was sitting on the end of my bed. He was maybe eighteen, he was tall now, and had a five o'clock shadow of bristly facial hair.

"What's up?" I asked, he looked kind of nervous.

"I'm confused. If Bella and I compete against one another then one of us has to win so the other has to lose. I don't know what the best thing is , do I throw the competition and let her win?"

I laughed. That may have worked last time but I knew this time she would never take that lying down. Not Bella, not our spunky, determined, proud Miss Bella Swan. She would call a halt to the whole show and maybe thrash his ass on camera.

"You are assuming you will beat her. You never know, maybe she will beat you fair and square. Maybe somebody from another school will beat you both."

"I don't see that happening but it would be for the best if someone else won. How do I make that happen?"

"Edward, relax, you can't fix everything. Some things have to just work out for themselves. I think you should do your best and just let the cards fall where they may. Bella would not respect you if you threw the game so do your best, and I'm sure that's her game plan as well. Maybe one of you knows some obscure fact the other doesn't. Maybe we will all be surprised. Now go pack your bag and Edward.."

"Yeah?"

I reached into my bedside drawer and pulled out the paperbag inside.

"Condoms. Use them."

He grinned.

"I hope I get the opportunity to."

"You will, believe me. Condoms every time, Edward. No slip ups, it's important. Really important."

X~x~X

We were all sitting in the Cullen's sitting room, crowded around the TV set. The numbers had gone down drastically and there were three players left. Edward, Bella and some boy from Jacksonville, Florida.

"Alec, what famous building did John Nash rebuild in 1825? " asked the host.

Bella and Edward looked at one another and grimaced. Such an easy question.

"Buckingham Palace " Alec answered.

Edward raised an eyebrow, clearly he had not anticipated too many Americans knowing British history. This kid was good. Maybe he would beat them both.

"Edward, what were the Christian names of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? "

"Henry Jekyll and Edward Hyde " he answered confidently.

"Isabella,what is the Decalogue more usually called? "

"The 10 commandments "

"Alec, whose treasure did Ben Gunn dig up on Skeleton Island? "

Alec looked lost.

"Blackbeard?" he chanced.

"Incorrect,Captain Flint's . So, we say goodbye to Alec. Edward,who were Janet, Pam, Colin, George, Peter, Jack and Barbara? "

"The Secret Seven."

"Isabella,what name was give to the Ancient Textile Record of the Battle of Hastings ? "

"Bayeux Tapestry "

"Right, we now move to tie breakers. Edward, you will get the chance to answer for 2 points, if you are incorrect, Isabella will have a chance to answer for one point. First contestant to three points wins. Edward,which Shakespeare play begins with the words "If music be the food of love play on"? "

"Twelfth Night."

"Correct. Isabella, for two points, which English Cathedral has the highest spire? "

"Salisbury ."

"Correct. Edward,who wrote the book Bridget Jones' Diaries? "

Edward's eyes widened in alarm.

"Bridget Jones?" he said hopefully.

"Incorrect, Isabella for one point and the title of America's Top Student, can you answer?"

"Helen Fielding " she said smirking.

"Congratulations Isabella Swan, you are America's Top Student."

The girls were all laughing uproariously, the guys all looked confused. How the fuck would anyone know that? Why was this Helen writing in her friend's diary?

"Oooh, Edward looks kind of pissed," Jasper commented.

"I have a feeling Bella knows a way to make him feel better," I whispered to Jas.

I was right, the next afternoon Jasper and I were in Edward's bedroom listening to his account of the best night of his life bar none.

"The first night, it was cool, like kissing, sharing a bed, usual stuff, touching her rack, no bra. Second night she kept her panties on still but we managed to , you know, dry hump I guess. The last night was sacred, but her panties! Man, they were crotchless, like, they had this missing area between her legs, you know? She said I could do anything to any area not covered by clothing. I can't even start to describe what we did but thanks for the condom's, Emmett. I wish I'd asked you for more."

"You didnt..." I panicked.

"Nah, we didn't. Once we used them all, we stopped. No point knocking her up in High School, right? She's keeping her window open for me tonight. I have to go buy some more condoms, you two coming with me?"

X~x~X

Next morning, another jump.

"You have about fifteen minutes before you have to leave, Emmett, hurry up," my Mom urged.

"Where am I going?" I asked sleepily.

"Emmett, Dr Cullen is driving all you kids to SeaTac to catch a plane to France for the Senior Year excursion. Ring any bells? I swear, you would not remember your head if it wasn't firmly attached to your shoulders. Get showered, I put your outfit on the chair there."

Yay, we are going to France.

I didn't ever fully work out why a bunch of eighteen and nineteen year old students were trusted to supervise themselves in a foreign city especially the City of Love because we sure made the place live up to it's title. Guess what, condoms are not 100%. Bella was all teary eyed the day we left to come home again and she threw up on the plane. Edward was pale and worried and I think we all knew she was coming home from two months in Paris with someone extra on board.

When Rose woke me the next day, I was glad to have missed the shit storm that no doubt went down with Charlie.

"Emmett, she's in labor! Come on, Bella is having her baby now! I want to be there, hurry up."

Well that was the shortest pregnancy in history. I guess at least I didn't have to listen to her whinge about her sore ankles and shit like that.

We arrived at the cottage by the sea and the girls rushed inside.

"So, how did Rose like the charm bracelet you got her for her birthday? Kind of hard to top Edward's present for Bella's birthday, how many guys buy their girlfriend a cottage by the sea? Alice decorated the nursery, she and Bella insist the baby is a girl so it's nauseatingly pink everywhere. It had better not be a boy or they will be sticking frilly pink dresses on him anyway," Jasper said, offering me a smoke before we went in. Edward never learned to smoke, he insisted his wonderful Bella's lips were all he ever wanted to taste. He's such a romantic.

Bella was dressed in a long white gown thing and Edward was standing with her, holding her flush against his body, despite the bump, rocking as she clutched him tightly , her arms around his neck.

"Breathe, Bella, you are doing so well. Good girl, I'm so proud of you."

This stuff might be interesting for girls but Jas and I snuck out for another smoke and missed the gory bits, Thank God.

Carlisle had guided Edward and the proud new daddy was kneeling in the birthing pool holding a small, screaming copperhaired girl baby, the grin on his face as wide as possible without his face falling off.

Bella was sitting with her back against the edge and Carlisle had something gross and purply red and disgusting in a silver bowl.

"I'm just going to check the placenta but it looks amazing and the baby is around eight pounds so it worked well at it's job," he informed us and I tried not to heave. Dr C looked relieved, like he had expected some problem with that lump of disgusting liver stuff.

Esme ushered us all out and next time we saw Bella, she was tucked up in their bed with a clean shiny baby in her arms and her boyfriend glued to her side.

"Renesmee," Edward said and Bella laughed.

"Renesmee? Oh Renee and Esme. That's so sweet, Edward. I love it. Way better than the names we discussed."

"It just came to me when I first saw her face. It's like I knew her already. Renesmee Paris Cullen."

"We'll always have Paris," Bella giggled.

"Look at the hair, all those shiny copper curls," Rose sighed.

"And the green eyes. Let's see, she has Edward's hair and Edward's eyes and his fingers, look at the length of those little fingers!" Alice said excitedly.

"Bella's lips, and heart shaped face and short legs," Edward added, grinning.

"Hey, my legs are not short. Don't worry, Renesmee, not all girls have to be Amazons. Look at Auntie Alice, she is so petite you are bound to be taller than her."

"By next week," I added.

"I want one of those," Rose whispered in my ear.

Hell, are we ready for this?

"So, the headlines today are " America's Top Student and Forks High's valedictorian become parents three months after graduating High School". Edward gets to be first yet again. First to nail his girl, first to get a car, first to become a father," Jasper stated.

"I got my car before I 'nailed my girl', get it right."

"Oh right, I guess you needed the backseat to accomplish that," I added and Rose slapped me.

"You can't talk. I saw more of the backseat of your jeep than I ever got to ride in the passenger seat in the front."

Yeah? I am The Man!

"Come on, the new Mommy needs to catch some sleep," Esme ordered.

Another day, another jump.

Clearly a dorm, but where? I looked out the window. Seattle. SeattleU then.

Rose sat on the side of our double bed, in a pair of indecently brief pajamas I guess you would call them.

"We have to meet Alice and Jasper before we head to Edward and Bella's wedding. Remember?"

I smiled.

"Of course. Who gets married in college? Only Edward Cullen would insist on that scenario," I sighed. But they were getting married and that meant Bella was still safe and alive.

"Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book," Rosie growled and I gasped at the sound of a wailing infant.

"Emmerson!" I yelled and ran looking for my son.

His crib was in the dead end of the small hallway outside our bedroom.

I scooped him up and looked him over. He was maybe nine months old, a head full of my black curls but his mother's eyes.

"Your turn to do baby patrol, he needs a full bath by the smell of him," Rose said, stripping off and heading for the shower. Her skin was slightly marked on her lower belly, telltale signs she had already experienced a pregnancy. Clearly we were older when we became parents this time round but it seems my patience had not been perfect.

But who could be around Rose?

"Alice wants us to take those photo albums from high school to put some photos on a board at the reception. Show everyone where it all began, at Edward and Alice's sweet sixteen birthday party. That's the official version. And the photos of Bella and Edward at Junior Prom, the night he got to cash their v cards."

Oh, really. After Junior Prom?

"So, was Bella Edward's only, you know, um, girlfriend?"

"Of course she was. He has never touched another girl."

"And Alice...nobody ever...like...raped her, right?"

"What a horrible thing to say! No, nobody ever raped any of us. Emmett, I swear sometimes I wish you had been a simple manwhore instead of a pothead. You can never remember anything lately."

No, Rose, better a few funny cigarettes than being in the beds of dozens, maybe a hundred, random women. I remembered every detail of those encounters, though I guess now they are only fantasies, but it was like I had done them for real. I didn't need to sow my wild oats.

Rosie put her arms around my neck and kissed me gently.

"You don't regret only ever sleeping with me, do you, Emm?"

"No way, my beauty. You are all the woman I will ever need."

I lifted our son from his high chair and sat him on my hip. Somehow the bathing and dressing and feeding was just there, naturally, and I knew exactly what to do. That diaper had been gross but I guess even little angels have their stinky moments.

"For Heaven's sake, you two take forever and don't even think of blaming that sweet baby," Alice said, pushing our door open and walking in. Jasper was steps behind, and I gasped. Twins, one of each, sitting happily on each of their father's hips.

"Hey Emmerson, what do you think of Jaxon in his suit? Alice made it," he added, to me.

I grinned. How fucking perfect. We all had kids and we were all in college.

"I for one will be glad when this year is over and we get to go live in real houses with bedrooms for the kids," Alice moaned as she took the girl baby from Jas and fiddled with the pink ribbon in it's hair.

"Jasmine honey, it just has to stay in until Auntie Bella and Uncle Edward say 'I do" and then you can eat it for all I care but please leave it so you look pretty, for Momma."

She sat the baby on the floor with Emmerson and she and Rose stood watching the babies with their arms crossed.

"I think they will get together and make us joint grandparents, clearly they love one another already," Alice said as my son scragged at her daughter's hair ribbon.  
"Emmerson, no, naughty. Rose, can I leave the twins with you later? I have to go over to the hospital for half an hour but I will be quick."

"Sure, there's nothing Emmett likes more than a room full of kids his own intelligence level."

"Are you saying Jasmine and Jaxon are dumb?" Alice growled.

"Hey, I take exception to that," I objected.

"Shut up, Emmett," the two women chimed simultaneously.

"Why are you going to the hospital?" I asked Alice. I had hoped her life would be devoid of hospitals.

"Emmett, I am a resident next year, I think the hospital will become like my second home sadly for a few years. I'm so lucky Jasper is putting his career on hold to stay home with the twins until I get into private practice."

I nodded and smiled. Better as a doctor than an inpatient, Alice.

The wedding was awesome. Bella stood on the beach with the wind gently tugging at her frock, it was palest blue and more like gossamer than fabric. She looked like some tiny fairy.

Her flower studded hair blew in the breeze and Renee cried tears of happiness as a little girl dressed in a similar dress but in softest pink walked with Bella, holding a handful of wildflowers. She had enormous green eyes and long red curls and a smattering of tiny freckles across her nose. Edward swung her high into the air and she laughed a tinkly little girl laugh.

"Good girl, Renesmee," Renee said, waving.

The child waved back. She looked to be maybe three or four years old but she was tiny like her mother.

Renee rocked a pram between herself and Phil and I raised an eyebrow.

"Xander is going to be part of the ceremony, Bella wants to have him baptised after the wedding vows are done. They couldn't leave out their little man, now could they?" she said to the infant in the pram. He had an unruly mop of copper hair and big brown eyes.

Dammit, Rose and I have only one child. We have to work on catching up.

"Zander?" I said.

"With a X, Bella insisted Edward's son had to have an X name. They called him Baby X for the whole pregnancy, Emmett, you know that."

"I do," I agreed. What the heck. Going from knowing more than everyone to knowing so much less is weird and disorientating.

I flicked through the photo album Alice had brought from our dorm.

While there were dozens of us three couples, there were none of Tanya.

"So, what happened to those Denali sisters?" I asked Esme as she came to stand beside Renee.

"Oh we kind of lost touch, they were offended when we cancelled that holiday. Oh look Emmett, there's James. So sad, being unable to move anything but his chin has to be a nightmare. But at least he's alive, Emmett. You saved him. Poor boy always looks so frustrated and angry, like he knows he could have had such a different life had he not panicked and broken his neck."

Sure he knows, and he knows I know. And he knows what I did to change that life.

"It's just so nice how you six all saved yourselves for one another," Renee sighed, looking over my shoulder at the photos. "With your looks, you three boys could have gotten around quite a bit. I kind of think Jasper could have been a real ladies man if he hadn't been with Alice from the get go."

I laughed. Sure, Jas was the most likely of us three to be a manwhore. Not. He alone saved himself for Alice both times around.

I watched Edward as he walked out to stand in front of the celebrant and held his hands out to his wife and daughter. The look on his face said it all. He had the life he always wanted and dreamed about. And died for because he didn't get it last time.

"You may kiss the bride."

He swept Bella up into his arms in a bridal hold and pashed the daylights out of her.

We all clapped and smiled because life can be good, if you are lucky and get it right the first time. Or on the do-over.

The End

**Thanks for reading, as always. Thanks especially to everyone who reviewed so I knew I wasn't writing to myself. I did always say I wanted to write one story where I got to kill them off**. Sorry! ;)

**At 9.00am on Wednesday 6th April, in association with Ticketmaster, Twentieth Century Fox will be releasing a limited number of tickets for sale to the general public to the Australian premiere of WATER FOR ELEPHANTS which will take place at The State Theatre in Sydney on Friday 6th May.** **Priced at $116.45* a ticket, a strictly limited number of the best seats at The State Theatre will go on sale exclusively via Ticketmaster to the much anticipated black-tie premiere event of the year, attended by leading Hollywood actor Robert Pattinson, co-star, Oscar winner Christoph Waltz & the film's director Francis Lawrence.**


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